words to avoid in creative writing

Kindlepreneur

Book Marketing for Self-Publishing Authors

Home / Book Editing / Words to Avoid in Writing: Weak Words to Find, Cut, and Replace

Words to Avoid in Writing: Weak Words to Find, Cut, and Replace

When you're writing your book, it is common to include a lot of words that you don't need. This doesn't mean you are a bad writer, because everyone does this.

Additionally, there are so many words that are unnecessary, and many authors don't even know it. As you gain experience writing, you will find that these words feel stale, and there are better words to replace them.

Thankfully, using the advice in this article, you can turn weak phrases into good writing and become a better writer in the process.

So what do you do about all of these words, and how can you find them?

• The different types of words to cut
• A list of specific words you should avoid
• How to find and replace these words

Note: in this article, we will be using ProWritingAid and Atticus as software examples to get this job done. These are our best recommendations for a proofreading software and a writing software, respectively. However, much of this can also be done in almost any writing program you use. It just might take a little longer. Some of these links may also be affiliate links.

Types of Words to Cut

While we do provide a list of the most common words to look for, there are whole categories of words that you should avoid in your writing, unless you have a specific reason to use them.

Adverbs are words that usually end in “–ly”. They can be helpful, but should not be overused. Adverbs are a good example of “telling, not showing”, when there is a better action verb or descriptor to convey the same information.

To Be Verbs

To be verbs include the words was, is, are, were, etc. While these verbs are certainly necessary, they often act as a big signpost that a better verb could be used.

For example, instead of saying “John was tired,” you could say, “John rubbed his eyes,” or, “John collapsed in his chair.”

Once again, to be verbs provide a clue that you are telling instead of showing.

To be verbs are also a potential sign of passive voice. For example, instead of saying “the ball was thrown by John,” you could say “John threw the ball.” 

Prepositional Phrases

A prepositional phrase is a short phrase that ends with a noun, phrases that often increase the length of the sentence.

An example could be, “at the store,” or, “near the middle,”. There are usually better ways to phrase these sentences.

Run-on Sentences

While a little harder to spot using a find and replace feature, run-on sentences are sentences that go on for too long. There are two kinds of run-ons: fused and comma splices. A fused sentence consists of two independent clauses  fused  together with no punctuation; a comma splice has two independent clauses joined together by a comma.

To fix them, you must either insert a coordinating conjunction, separate them into two separate sentences with a period, or use a semi-colon.

Some tools, such as the Hemingway app , as well as a report in ProWritingAid , will help you identify potential run-on sentences.

Nominalizations

Nominalization are verbs or adjectives that are turned into a noun, when it would be better to keep them as an adjective or verb.

Examples include words like collection, analysis, slowness, intention, accuracy, disagreement, or suggestion.

For example, the phrase, “she performed an analysis,” would usually be better off said, “she analyzed.”

Tautologies

Tautologies are words and phrases that mean the same thing, meaning you can cut one of the words.

Examples include things like “evening sunset”, or “autobiography of her life.” In these examples “evening” and “of her life” mean the same thing as “sunset” and “autobiography” respectively. You don't need both.

Excessive Dialogue Tags

Dialogue tags are necessary when constructing good dialogue, as they inform the reader who is speaking.

However, if you have a conversation between two people, putting a dialogue tag at the end of every single piece of dialogue becomes excessive. Sooner or later, the reader will know who is speaking, and the tags begin to slow down the pacing.

Therefore, when you have two people talking, include the dialogue tags at the beginning of the conversation, but remove them as the conversation progresses.

Overused Words

We all have these, and it is different for every author. There are words that you rely on more than others. These could be words like grin, sigh, suddenly, etc.

Get to know your own personal writing style and identify the words you use as a crutch. ProWritingAid can help with this, as they have a tool that quickly identifies your most-used words.

Formatting Has Never Been Easier

Write and format professional books with ease.  Never before has creating formatted books been easier.

Specific Words to Avoid

Now that we've covered some of the basic categories of words to avoid, let's look at individual words that should be a big warning sign for you.

Feeling and Thinking Words

These are words like felt, feel, think, thought, wonder, ponder, understand, realize, or believe.

All of these words are usually unnecessary, and they are signs that you are telling, not showing. There are usually better verbs to use, or you can rephrase the sentence to show more.

This way, you are not distancing yourself from the viewpoint character. You can get directly inside their head, instead of describing what they are feeling.

Example: instead of saying “I thought the food tasted horrible,” you could say, “Yuck! That food made me gag.” 

“Then” is a commonly used word to transition in a sequence of events. It is overused and can sound basic. Try rearranging your words, and use “and” instead.

Example: instead of “I tripped on the dance floor, then fell flat on my face, then everyone laughed at me,” say, “I tripped on the dance floor, fell flat on my face, and everyone laughed.”

Words like breathe, breath, inhale, exhale, etc. are words frequently relied on by authors to show an internal character emotion. I know for myself that I relied far too heavily on “let out a breath I didn't know I was holding” in my early books.

This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it can get overly repetitive. Instead, change it up by finding another way to show what caused that character to breathe differently.

Example: instead of “David rushed around the corner and I inhaled sharply,” use, “David rushed around the corner, a manic look in his eye, and my body tensed.”

Shrug, Nod, Smile, Reach

These are common words used by authors over and over again. While this doesn't make them bad, you want to make sure there isn't a more accurate and specific way of describing the situation.

Sometimes, a smile is just a smile, and you don't need a more specific word or phrase, but sometimes you've used it too often, and you need a better way of saying it.

Example: instead of, “He reached for the hammer,” use, “He lunged for the hammer.”

Really, Very

Really and Very are heavily used in writing but are almost always inferior. In almost every situation, there is a stronger adjective that will describe the situation more accurately (the exception, of course, is when a character might use them in dialogue).

Example: instead of, “the giant was very big,” use, “the giant towered over me.”

Just is a word, similar to “very” or “really” that can be easily deleted. It is unnecessary in most situations, and often doesn't even need a replacement.

Example: instead of, “he just wants to be loved,” say, “he wants to be loved.”

“That” is a necessary word, but is often overused. There are many instances when you can remove the word and maintain the meaning of the phrase.

Example: instead of “Dave told Jason that that explosion was deliberate,” say, “Dave told Jason the explosion was deliberate.”

Overused -ly Adverbs

Adverbs should be reduced in general, but there are some that are overused more, including: totally, completely, absolutely, literally, definitely, certainly, probably, actually, basically, virtually.

All of these words add nothing to the sentence, and you can usually remove them. An action word makes a better replacement.

Example: instead of “the drawer was completely full of socks,” say, “the drawer was full of socks.”

“Thing” and “It” are vague words that don't accurately describe what you're talking about. When possible, replace these words with a more specific word to describe the object you are referring to.

The exception for “it” occurs when you have already used the object's name in a sentence, in which case you can use “it” as the correct pronoun going forward.

Example: Instead of, “Bring me that thing,” say, “Bring me that book/smartphone/food/etc.”

Start, Begin

Words like start, begin, began, and begun are often unnecessary, as you can just describe the action instead, with the “starting” of that action already implied.

Example: instead of, “she began to run,” say, “she ran”.

“There was” is a common way to start a sentence, and can be easily replaced by a more descriptive action.

Example: instead of, “there was a cat scratching at the door,” say, “a cat scratched at the door.”

“Up” and “down” are often unnecessary words, since the direction is usually implied by other words in the sentence. Analyze whether you need these words, and delete if necessary.

Example: instead of, “she sat down on the carpet,” say, “she sat on the carpet.”

“Have got” is a tautology, meaning that both words mean the same thing. Instead, you can just use “have”.

Additionally, “got” is not a useful word overall, and you can usually find a better word to use instead.

Example: instead of, “she got to her feet,” say, “she leapt to her feet.”

“Literally” is a word that is often used out of context, in a situation where it is not meant to be taken…literally. Make sure that when you use this word, that it means what it says.

There are exceptions, like when a character is supposed to talk that way, but generally you should avoid it.

Example: instead of “The sun was so hot, John was literally melting,” you can remove the word “literally” or replace it with a word like “practically”.

“About” is a vague word that doesn't specify anything. You can use words like “approximately” or provide a more specific range instead.

Example: instead of “the wall was about 10 feet high,” say, “the wall was between 10 and 12 feet high.”

Filler Phrases

There are a lot of filler words and phrases that can be entirely cut from your manuscript. These words and phrases include:

• Each and every
• In order to
• At the end of the day
• As a matter of fact
• For all intents and purposes
• For the most part
• With regard to
• In reference to
• Needless to say
• It is important to note that
• During the course of
• When it comes to
• Due to the fact

All of these phrases are empty, add no new meaning to the sentence, and should be avoided.

Example: instead of, “At the end of the day, it is important to note that, as of yet, we have not found a cure for the common cold,” say, “We have not yet found a cure for the common cold.”

Sort of, Kind of

These two phrases are used often in spoken language, but are unnecessary in writing. They are empty phrases that mean nothing and you can easily eliminate them.

The meaning can shift slightly when you eliminate it, so make sure that there isn’t a better way to say it, or that it means what you want it to say.

Example: Instead of “The meeting progressed kind of on schedule,” say, “The meeting progressed on schedule.”

Free MailerLite Video Course

Learn how to setup and use your MailerLite account effectively to help sell more books.

How to Cut These Words From Your Book

The best tool to cut an unnecessary word from your creative writing is a standard Find and Replace feature. While you can access this in Microsoft Word, Google Docs, and others, I’m going to be using Atticus , which uses a special system built specifically for writers.

In Atticus , you can access the Find and Replace feature by selecting the More Tools button on the top right, then selecting the icon that looks like a magnifying glass.

Then, you have a number of options.

• You can select whether to search through a single chapter or the whole book
• Input the word you are searching for into the Find section
• You can select whether to match the whole word or match the case
• Scroll through the Previous and Next copy of that word
• Input the word you want to replace (if needed)

Once you have inputted your word into the “Find” field, you can then see how many times that word appears in each chapter, as shown in the chapter menu.

Simply Find and Replace, or Find and go through them one by one to ensure the change is what you want.

If the Find and Replace feature isn’t enough, you can use a program like ProWritingAid (which also integrates with Atticus).

ProWritingAid is better than Find and Replace for some types of word searches, such as overused words that you might not know you are overusing, or cases of passive voice and filler phrases.

Those who purchase the lifetime version of ProWritingAid through our link get a 20% off coupon ! That’s a huge savings for the lifetime package, which provides incredible savings on its own. 

ProWritingAid is (by far) our top pick for authors. It’s great for long-form writing, academic writing, or a blog post, and has more reports than any other grammar checker.

So take these tools and writing advice and use them to improve your academic paper, short story, or novel.

Jason Hamilton

When I’m not sipping tea with princesses or lightsaber dueling with little Jedi, I’m a book marketing nut. Having consulted multiple publishing companies and NYT best-selling authors, I created Kindlepreneur to help authors sell more books. I’ve even been called “The Kindlepreneur” by Amazon publicly, and I’m here to help you with your author journey.

Related Posts

The best proofreading software to use: 2024 edition, how to self-edit a children’s picture book: ultimate guide, prowritingaid coupons and discount codes (updated for 2024), sell more books on amazon, amazon kindle rankings e-book.

Learn how to rank your Kindle book #1 on Amazon with our collection of time-tested tips and tricks.

Join the community

Join 111,585 other authors who receive weekly emails from us to help them make more money selling books.

• Help Articles

681 Cliches to Avoid in Your Creative Writing

Cliches (properly spelled clichés, with the acute accent) are words and phrases, once interesting, which have lost their original effect from overuse. They are considered trite and should be avoided in writing unless used purposely for effect.

We all use them without thinking, sometimes because they  fit the bill  or are   just the ticket  (both cliches), but usually because they're metaphors, idiom, or truisms that have become so common we no longer notice them.

If we say  better late than never  or speak of someone being  down in the dumps  , we likely won't register that we just used a cliche. Speech is filled with shortcuts as we aim to make ourselves understood.

Editors may reject creative writing on the basis of too many cliches alone. Reviewers will point them out unless it's obvious that the writer used them for comic effect, such as to define an overly earnest or boring character.

Occasionally a cliche works well to help characterize with humour, such as when a character says,  Well isn't that enough to piss off the Pope?  

In such cases it will be clear that the cliches are used for special effect.

The list of cliches below is not meant to be comprehensive, but should help you catch some of the more common cliches in use. 

If some cliches slip by you and your editor, it's  not the end of the worl d . It is difficult to catch them all, but strive to note cliched phrases when you see them, so you may use a fresher phrase in the future. If cliches are frequent and easy to spot, you're not doing your job as a writer, and you should spend more time  weeding them out.

Cliche list A-K:

Cliche list l-z:, more creative writing help.

Creative Writing Tips—Editing Checklist

Writing Novels & Editing Novels: Two Different Skills 

Writing Revisions: When to Tackle Them

• Creative Writing Help
• 681 Cliches to Avoid

Search this site:

YOUR STORIES

Page 47 

SHORT STORY ANTHOLOGY

MORE GOOD  READS

About      Contact      Advertise      Privacy Policy & Disclaimer

© Copyright 2008 - 2024    Be-A-Better-Writer.com All Rights Reserved

17 Weak Words to Avoid in Your Writing

Want to make your writing a little stronger? Check out these 17 words to avoid!

Exact Words to Avoid

1. “really,” “very”

These words are usually unnecessary and can be cut out. If you need a stronger adjective, find one rather than adding “really” or “very” to it. (Exception: can be used sparingly in dialogue because it makes a character more realistic.)

2. “just”

“Just” is another word similar to “really” and, for the most part, should be deleted.

3. “that”

In general, beginning authors use too many of this word in their writing. Even old pros often search this word during the editing process to delete those that are unnecessary. Deleting extra words strengths your work.

4. “totally,” “completely,” “absolutely”

Like the previous words, these words don’t add to the sentence and can often be removed. Try using actions to show the feelings instead.

5.  “thing,” “it”

“Thing” is vague and weak. Instead, replace “thing” with whatever you are talking about. Do the same with it. Unless you’ve already used the object you’re talking about in the sentence, don’t use  the word “it.”

6. “there was”

Instead of starting of a sentence with the words “there was,” try rewording to put the action back in.

7. “as” used as a subordinate conjunction

“As” is confusing to the reader since it has two meanings: it can show that two things are happening at the same time, or it can show one thing is happening because of the other. Instead of using “as” for the second meaning, use the word “because” or “since” to make the meaning clear.

8. “down” or “up”

When used with a verb, these two words are usually unnecessary. For example, “He sat down on the dirty floor” should instead be “He sat on the dirty floor.”

9. “armed” in “armed gunman”

If the person is a gunman, then they are armed. Again, be careful to avoid redundant phrases.

10. “brief” in “brief moment”

All moments are brief; that’s why they’re moments.

11. “have got”

Avoid “got” where possible. Instead of saying “have got,” just use “have.” And actually, “got” isn’t a very useful word in any situation. Consider using the word sparingly. Instead of “She got to her feet,” you can say, “She leapt/jumped/climbed/hurried to her feet.” Anything to show better action.

12. “then” and “next”

When used to describe a sequence of events, these words are weak transitions. Sometimes you can remove the word without consequence; other times, you need to rewrite the sentence to show the sequence through action. For more examples, please see our post Make Your Book Stronger by Avoiding “Then.”

13. “literally”

Is it actually  literal? Avoid this word unless using it in dialogue (and even then it can get old fast).

Types of Words to Avoid

14. be-verbs

Be-verbs (was, is, are, were, etc.) are weak and boring. Instead try to use action verbs. Especially avoid be-verbs paired with -ing verbs when they aren’t needed. For a simple example: “She was running through the forest when she tripped on a raised tree root” can be changed to “She ran through the forest and tripped on a raised tree root” or “Running through the forest, she tripped over a raise tree root and sprawled on the ground.” You get the idea!

Note, though, that sometimes a be-verb is what you need. We only advise that you avoid them when you can, without writing an awkward construction.

15. -ly adverbs

When you use -ly adverbs, you are telling instead of showing (which, in case you haven’t heard, is bad). Use -ly adverbs sparingly when writing fiction and instead, describe an action! We talk about this more in our post on dialogue tags (tip # 7) .

16. “shrug,” “nod,” “reach,” “grin,” “sigh,” or any dialogue beats you overuse

We’re not telling you to  not  use these words. These words are examples of dialogue beats that often get overused , but each author has their own habits and their own words. Are your characters always shrugging, grinning, or sighing? Find out what words you overuse and try to edit some of them out—those listed here can get you started.

17. Nominalizations

A nominalization is when you take a verb or adjective and turn it into noun, making the sentence wordier and even pretentious. This includes words like accuracy, intention, disagreement, slowness, analysis, collection, and suggestion. When possible, turn that noun back into its original verb or adjective form (like accurate, intend, disagree, slow, analyze, collect, and suggest).

What words are on your “words to avoid” list? We’d love to hear in the comments below!

If you’d like to learn more about Book Cave promotions and receive more writing tips, please enter your email below and click the “Learn More” button to receive our author newsletter.

Copyright 2023 by Book Cave

Reuse notice: non-commercial users, feel free to print out “17 weak words to avoid in your writing” for personal use or give to friends, share online, or make a meme of, as long as you attribute and link back to this post. commercial users, you may share a link to this post or quote a short excerpt from it with attribution and a link to this site, but you may not use this post in its entirety. thank you for caring about copyright., keep reading.

5 Quick Tips on How to Use Semicolons

To use or not to use a semicolon? Become a semicolon master with these 5 quick tips.

15 Email Subject Line Tips for Your Author Newsletter

What can you do to increase the odds of your author newsletter being opened and read by your subscribers? Write a killer email subject line. Here’s how!

5 Mailing List Services for Authors

Stay in touch with your readers and call your books to their attention. Check out this list of 5 mailing list services and learn what each can do for you!

Leave a Reply

This article is a lifesaver! I only write for fun but since I like to post my little snippets and drafts, I want my small audience to stay engaged. I have this bookmarked and try to check every piece according to this guide, so it’s appreciated!

What about the word: “try”

We are trying to teach ….. Why not say “we teach….”

I definitely have a problem with sighing and nodding. My characters also seem to frown quite a lot! One thing that you mention is ‘down’ etc. I find when reading, that many writers overuse prepositions, generally. So often they aren’t needed. I have a bit of a thing about them.

I’m reviewing a manuscript and hunting down the word “the.” I’m finding many places where it isn’t necessary. I haven’t seen any articles published on this, but have recently heard from other writers that they too are cutting back their use of “the.” Has anyone else out there heard talks or read blogs about this?

I’ve been removing “the” and sometimes I have to put them back to make the grammar checker happy. My least favorite is dueling grammar checkers with opposing suggestions. This seems to happen a lot with commas and “is this one word or two” (time line vs timeline, minigun vs mini-gun, etc.)

I’ve never heard of that.

“Said” is WAY too overused, and there are so many synonyms and more descriptive words rather than “said”.

I agree. It gets boring, yet we are constantly told ‘use said’ as it’s not noticed by readers.

Great article! I have a list of words I tend to overuse. I do a Find search through my manuscript to get rid of them.

Thanks for the article, it will help me greatly. I recognize several weaknesses in my writing from the words to “avoid”. My principals are the to be +ING and the word that, it is very difficult for me to change my sentences construction.

Having difficulty refraining from using the word ‘since.’ Since X happened, (then) Y occurred. Multi-syllabic synonyms don’t get the job done as well.

Hello, I’m looking for a “style” guide to tell me if a word is now considered or IS rude, offensive, pejorative, belittling of a person, and/or just plain ignorant.

In The Searcher, Tana French repeatedly has characters say things with a grin. It is driving me nuts.

These are dull and colorless compared to concrete nouns, powerful verbs, and vivid adjectives. Good writers try to avoid these empty, weak words and replace them with strong words.

Enjoyed. Thanks.

Anne R. Allen's Blog... with Ruth Harris

Writing about writing. Mostly.

June 11, 2017 By Anne R. Allen 107 Comments

Filter Words and Phrases to Avoid in Writing Fiction

 Filter words act like a veil between the reader and the character

by Kathy Steinemann

This article provides a list of writing filters, with practical examples of how to replace them. You’ll also find exercises that can double as story prompts.

All words exist for a reason. Use them wisely to create engaging narrative.

Why the fuss?

Filter words form a barrier that distances readers from a story.

Bertie felt the warm sand between her toes as she walked.

Bertie’s experience is relayed secondhand. When word economy is critical, this approach works. However, wouldn’t you rather become so involved that you almost feel it yourself?

With a few tweaks, we can strengthen the sentence.

The sand trickled between Bertie’s toes, radiating warmth with every step she took.

Strong verbs, trickled and radiating , amplify the sensory impact.

Five senses? Six? Twelve?

Most people can name five senses: sight, smell, hearing, touch, and taste. Add ESP to the list, and it grows to six.

Some pundits expand to include pain, balance, motion, sense of time, temperature, and sense of direction. You might even discover lists that include miscellaneous emotions such as hunger, happiness, fatigue, and rhythm.

For the purposes of this post, we’ll stick with the five senses we learned about in elementary school.

Popular advice recommends that writing include all five senses whenever possible.

Let’s evaluate a paragraph that complies with this recommendation.

Patricia heard steps on the front porch, and she smelled sulfur. She could taste bile rising into her throat. She couldn’t see anything in the dark, so she groped until she felt the familiar cold metal of her son’s baseball bat.

“What’s wrong with that?” you might ask. “The paragraph embraces all five senses.”

Please review the underlined words. They filter the events through Patricia’s perceptions. Let’s consider a different version.

Someone—or something—stomped across the front porch. The reek of sulfur overwhelmed Patricia’s nostrils, and bitter bile burned her throat. She groped in the darkness for a weapon. What was that? Ah, the comforting cold metal of her son’s baseball bat.

The second version employs strong verbs to transport readers into the action. Patricia hears stomping, she smells sulfur, she tastes bitter bile, she sees darkness, and she feels cold metal.

Or something , set off by em dashes, adds to the tension. The reek of sulfur leaves no doubt that the odor is unpleasant. Bitter bile burns her throat—a more effective taste reference. Familiar cold metal changes to comforting cold metal , a tell that adds to the paragraph.

All filter words ( heard, smelled, taste, see, felt ) were traded for active replacements.

If you don’t know what filter words are, you can’t avoid them.

Let’s review a partial list of filters and their close relatives. I tried to classify them logically, although some words could appear in multiple groups.

See : appear like, become aware of, detect, discern, distinguish, give the impression of, identify, look, look like, note, notice, observe, perceive, realize, recognize, reveal, seem, sense, sight, spot, watch

Smell : detect the smell of, diagnose, get a whiff of, scent, smell like, whiff

Hear : catch, eavesdrop, overhear, listen to, sound, sound like

Touch : feel, feel like

Taste : appreciate, delight in, enjoy, like, relish, savor, take pleasure in

Know : ascertain, assume, believe, bring to mind, decide, deem, discover, gather, get, glean, guess, infer, intuit, learn, posit, regard, remember, suspect, think, understand, wonder

Experience : be subjected to, face, go through, live through, suffer, take in, undergo

Be able to : be capable of, be equal to, be up to the task, can, could, have the ability to, have what it takes to

Dialogue to the rescue?

Consider the following sentence pairs.

Fabrice stared into the water. The creek looked cold.

Fabrice stared into the creek. “Wow, look at that ice. It must be at least three inches thick.” She shivered.

Sneaky, but effective, this provides an example of a filter word that doesn’t function as a filter. Fabrice describes the ice on the creek, and readers will understand that it’s cold. The shiver reinforces her statement.

Arno heard ringing in both ears.

Arno cupped his ears with his hands. “Will this infernal ringing never stop?”

A combination of body language and dialogue shows readers what Arno experiences, without using a single filter word.

This was crazy. Royce knew it, but he couldn’t stop himself from popping the question.

“Um,” Royce whispered, “I know this is crazy, but would you … will you … marry me?”

Another filter word sneaks into dialogue without functioning as a filter.

By the way, saying that a character knows something is discouraged by editors. Of course your POV character will know _____ [fill in the blank].

If you need to introduce facts, please find a way that doesn’t rely on know/knew or several paragraphs of internal monologue. Overdoing a character’s private thoughts is another practice that annoys readers.

Double-up = double-bad.

Do I need to explain why the following examples represent abuse of filter words?

Vivienne listened and heard _____.

Orson looked and saw _____.

Alice whiffed and detected the smell of _____.

Frank tasted and relished the flavor of _____.

Mallory touched her lips and felt _____.

Each sentence repeats the same sensory filter—double-slap on the wrist for offenders. I can’t administer your punishment, but dissatisfied agents, editors, and readers will.

More examples of filter rescues.

The corporal saw a grenade fly by and land in the foxhole.

A grenade flew by the corporal and landed in the foxhole.

Joe’s belches smelled like booze.

The stench of booze accompanied every belch that Joe disgorged.

Kristina heard a loud scream in the darkness.

A loud scream pierced the darkness surrounding Kristina.

Alva’s fingers touched something wet and sticky.

A sticky liquid adhered to Alva’s fingers.

Johanna smiled. The cake tasted moist and delicious.

Every delicious morsel of cake melted in Johanna’s mouth.

Quint knew Sandy wanted to go out with him.

Sandy wanted to go out with Quint.

Experience :

Emil experienced a huge stress reaction.

Emil’s heart pounded like a gavel, and heat radiated to every extremity.

Be able to :

Raquel was able to sleep well for the first time in days.

For the first time in days, Raquel slept well.

Are you ready to attempt a few filter word exercises?

Try to edit away the filter words. If you like an idea, you’re welcome to snag it as a story prompt.

A few of the suggested solutions include what some editors would classify as filter words, but as I stated at the outset, all words exist for a reason. If you have to hunt through the solutions with a magnifying glass to find the filters, they’ll likely pass muster with most people.

Exercise #1:

Guido felt a host of humongous spiders skittering up his arm. Then he felt several sharp pains. They were followed by the feeling that he was suspended, swaying, trapped in a giant web. He heard a squeaky noise somewhere behind him, but he was unable to turn his head to discern what it was.

Suggested solution :

A host of humongous spiders skittered up Guido’s arm and sank their fangs into his skin. After a moment of disorientation, he found himself suspended, swaying, trapped in a giant web. Somewhere behind him a disembodied squeak sent a shiver down his spine, but the sticky trap immobilized his head, preventing him from investigating the source of the noise.

Exercise #2:

Looking up, Prisca noticed that she and her cohort were standing in the blind spot between cameras. Feeling emboldened, she extended a one-fingered salute in the direction of the CEO’s office. Then she heard a voice bellow from somewhere to her left, “Prisca, you’re fired.”

Prisca ensured that she and her cohort were standing in the blind spot between cameras. Then, she stuck out her tongue and extended a one-fingered salute in the direction of the CEO’s office. A voice bellowed from somewhere to her left, “Prisca, you’re fired.”

Exercise #3:

All Luisa could hear was silence, a silence so complete she could hear her own pulse. She felt nauseated. Where am I? The last thing I remember was stepping into the elevator.

The silence surrounding Luisa was so complete that the ka-thump of her pulse pounded in her ears. A wave of nausea engulfed her. Where am I? The last thing I remember was stepping into the elevator.

Exercise #4:

The restaurant smelled like garlic, charbroiled steak, and a faint odor that could have been licorice or fennel. Clint felt hungry, but not hungry enough to chance being poisoned again.

Delicious aromas of garlic, charbroiled steak, and a faint suggestion of licorice or fennel beckoned Clint toward the restaurant. However, his hunger wasn’t powerful enough for him to chance being poisoned again.

Exercise #5:

Sir Edgar decided he would never be able to reveal his love for Princess Edwina. He knew she loved him too, and she would be in danger if their enemies thought they could get to her through him.

The bitter truth forced itself on Sir Edgar: He must never reveal his love for Princess Edwina. She loved him too, and she would be in danger if their enemies could get to her through him.

By Kathy Steinemann, @KathySteinemann , June 11, 2017

Her writing tips blog has won multiple awards as one of the top blogs for writers.

Her career has taken varying directions, including positions as editor of a small-town paper, computer-network administrator, and webmaster. She has also worked on projects in commercial art and cartooning. You’ll find her at KathySteinemann.com , Facebook , Twitter , and Pinterest.

What about you, scriveners? Do you look out for filter words in your writing? I’m editing the new Camilla book now, and these tips are really helping me. But do remember these are guidelines, not hard and fast rules!

BOOK OF THE WEEK

Kathy’s popular book, The Writer’s Lexicon: Descriptions, Overused Words, and Taboos , is described by writers as “a ‘must-have’ for any serious author’s reference collection.” and “a veritable cornucopia of expressive words.”

Multiple 5-star reviews.

Transform wooden characters into believable personalities your readers will learn to love. Or hate. Relax and enjoy your journey—with The Writer’s Lexicon as your GPS.

  OPPORTUNITY ALERTS

Creative Nonfiction  magazine seeks TRUE personal stories or profiles about people starting over after a failure or setback. Up to 4000 words. Paying market. $3  submission fee.  Deadline June 19, 201

The Golden Quill Awards . The theme is “Liberation.” $500 first prize. Short fiction, poetry and personal essay categories. Up to 1500 words for prose, 40 lines for poetry. Entry fee $15. Deadline September 15, 2017. 

Haven Writers’ Retreat. “Come find your voice in the woods of Montana with New York Times best-selling author, Laura Munson, and find out why over 400 people say that Haven Writing Retreats changed their lives. Offering special discounts for readers of this blog.  June 21-25

Boyds Mill Press  accepts unagented submissions of children’s book manuscripts.  Highlights for Children  owns the press.

New American Press Fiction Book Contest. A prize of $1,000 and publication by New American Press is given annually for a book of fiction. Lori Ostlund will judge. Using the online submission system, submit a collection of short stories or flash fiction, a novella, or a novel of at least 100 pages with a $25 entry fee by June 15.

20 Literary Journals that publish new writers . Compiled by the good folks at Authors Publish magazine.

Costa Rica Workshop. F*** Branding. What’s Your Artist’s Mission? Weeklong workshop for writers and other creatives.  July 15th—22nd . Price includes 1 week at Norma’s Villas, including 3 meals a day, morning yoga before workshops, and one day trip to the beach (surf or kayak lesson included), and a shuttle to and from the airport. Anne has a coupon code for $50 off the price for readers of this blog.

Share this:

Blog archives, search anne & ruth’s blog.

About Anne R. Allen

Anne writes funny mysteries and how-to-books for writers. She also writes poetry and short stories on occasion. Oh, yes, and she blogs. She's a contributor to Writer's Digest and the Novel and Short Story Writer's Market.

Her bestselling Camilla Randall Mystery RomCom Series features perennially down-on-her-luck former socialite Camilla Randall—who is a magnet for murder, mayhem and Mr. Wrong, but always solves the mystery in her quirky, but oh-so-polite way.

Anne lives on the Central Coast of California, near San Luis Obispo, the town Oprah called "The Happiest City in America."

June 11, 2017 at 10:32 am

Thanks for your informative blog, Anne!

The advice in this post would apply to non-fiction as well. In a memoir, biography, or news story, filter words distance readers just as much as they do in fiction.

June 11, 2017 at 10:45 am

Unique post, Kathy! Thank you. My advanced students will benefit from this, and I’ll point them to it.

June 11, 2017 at 10:51 am

My pleasure, Melodie.

Thanks for stopping by.

June 11, 2017 at 10:52 am

Kathy, thanks for an informative post–made even better by your excellent examples. Now off to check my WiP for no-nos! 🙂

June 11, 2017 at 11:04 am

Heh heh, Ruth. I feel for you.

June 11, 2017 at 11:02 am

Wish I’d known all that before I began writing. Felt was definitely a word I overused and in all the wrong places. Excellent examples – thanks, Kathy!

June 11, 2017 at 11:07 am

Thanks for stopping by, Alex. Reading older works is like viewing photos of the past. We grow as writers with every word we type.

June 11, 2017 at 11:57 am

This was fantastic! Thank you. I’m so glad Alex tweeted this article.

June 11, 2017 at 1:09 pm

Thanks, Elsie!

June 11, 2017 at 12:42 pm

Thank you, Kathy, Great advice and the exercises were fun. My WIP is in first person and my protagonist has a very expressive voice. I’m thinking I should probably be more diligent with my efforts to keep her in check!

June 11, 2017 at 1:07 pm

Hi, Christine.

First-person narration involves people in a way they don’t experience with second and third person. Although it can cause excessive filtering, curbing the filtering isn’t impossible.

See http://kathysteinemann.com/Musings/i-i-i/ for a few suggestions.

Good luck with your WIP!

June 11, 2017 at 1:11 pm

Thank you for your excellent advice, Kathy. I’ve bookmarked this post for future reference. Really enjoyed having a go at the exercises.

June 11, 2017 at 1:18 pm

Thanks, Wendy.

With hundreds of thousands of words to choose from, the options for the exercise solutions are almost unlimited.

June 11, 2017 at 1:39 pm

Thanks for the lesson, Kathy. A word of caution may be helpful here. I think some inexperienced writers go overboard in trying to avoid certain no-no’s, such as filter words. In their zeal, the sometimes end up with convoluted sentences or words that don’t really serve their purpose.

June 11, 2017 at 1:49 pm

Good point, Tricia. Most “rules” should be treated as guidelines. Writing is a creative process–not a series of formulas. So far, computers haven’t been able to duplicate creativity, although scientists at Dartmouth College tried to develop a poetic computer.

http://www.npr.org/sections/alltechconsidered/2016/06/27/480639265/human-or-machine-can-you-tell-who-wrote-these-poems

June 11, 2017 at 2:02 pm

Thanks for the tips on words to avoid, Kathy. I have a whole list of words to avoid and will add these to my list. Your suggested changes made it easy to see how using filter words really weakens your writing.

June 11, 2017 at 2:04 pm

Thanks for reading the post, Natalie. I’m glad you found the examples helpful.

June 11, 2017 at 2:29 pm

I just caught one in my WIP due to reading this earlier. I have returned to say thanks for writing this post. I shall bookmark it for later.

Have wonderful evening.

June 11, 2017 at 4:10 pm

I’m glad you found it helpful, Jacqueline!

You have a wonderful evening too.

June 11, 2017 at 3:48 pm

It seems to me that it would be easier to write the first draft using filter words (at least for me) and then go back and fix them in the second draft. at least until someone (like me) gains more experience writing and can naturally write without using them naturally.

June 11, 2017 at 4:14 pm

Hemingway would agree with you, RJ. A book requires multiple edits before it’s ready for readers. Some writers like to catch this potential problem in the first draft. Others prefer to wait.

June 11, 2017 at 4:41 pm

OW! Your itty bitty heel just crushed my size 12 foot. Or is it WOW! Did I just get schooled on filtering. Did not even know that was something to watch out for. Thank you. Now off I go to sign up for your blog. Then to my WIP for serious edit/rewrite.

June 11, 2017 at 4:51 pm

Heh heh. Do you need an itty-bitty bandage or a humongous pressure dressing, David?

June 12, 2017 at 9:38 am

A humongous pressure dressing. My WIP is hemorrhaging all over the page.

June 12, 2017 at 10:45 am

Haha. Maybe apply some styptic powder as well?

June 11, 2017 at 5:11 pm

Fantastic article from Kathy on word filtering and I enjoyed tinkering with the exercises too. Thanks Kathy and Anne. 🙂

June 11, 2017 at 7:10 pm

Thanks, DG! It would be interesting to see some of the exercise solutions. I should have requested that in the post.

June 12, 2017 at 6:49 am

Yes! I actually did a few of them (in my head of course). Great explanations and examples Kathy. 🙂

June 11, 2017 at 7:24 pm

Excellent post. Thanks heaps to both of you.

June 11, 2017 at 7:29 pm

Thanks for stopping by, CS!

June 12, 2017 at 12:30 am

Kathy, this is brilliant advice! I think, nay, I’m sure I’ve overdone practically all those “filter words”! As English is my second language, it makes it all that much harder to figure out what is and what is not a filter word.

But now I see the point. Filter words are over-used because they are “catch all” and so they lose their own personality. They lose meaning. They don’t evoke anything in the reader’s mind. The verb to feel is a perfect case in point: you can feel hot, cold, scared, happy, sad etc. and even feel hate for someone!

Many thanks, this was an eye-opener.

June 12, 2017 at 5:19 am

I’m pleased this post is helpful for you, Claude, and I applaud you for writing in English even though it’s not your native language.

As I say on my website in the blog post that links to this one, filters “act like a coffee machine. Water takes time to drip through the filter while you wait for the reward: a delicious cup of aromatic ambrosia that glides down your throat.”

The fault is not with the words, but with when and how often they appear.

June 12, 2017 at 1:23 am

Thanks for providing such a nice information on Writing , Excellent article! I make this mistake all the time. It is amazing how much losing those filter words improves the story.!

June 12, 2017 at 10:43 am

Thanks for stopping by, 3.

June 12, 2017 at 4:21 am

Wonderful post Kathy! I especially appreciate that you mention the distinction between effective and redundant filter words. I’ve seen my share of editors who fail to distinguish, a one-size-fits-all strategy that leaves manuscripts devoid of these words and, consequently, deprives us of fhe interior aspect of story. We do need to look inside sometimes! What we don’t need it to be told when someone is looking outside because the nature of POV itself implies what’s being related is the inner experience of the outer world. What I truly love about your examples here is how you demonstrate the abstract to concrete conversion writing undergoes when one clearn the fog, so to speak — because that’s exactly what a paragraph or sentence is like when we’re being told what the POV character is experiencing rather than shown. Beautiful and insightful stuff! Thank you!

June 12, 2017 at 5:34 am

Thanks, John.

Yes, filter words are like salt. Sprinkled with caution, they augment writing; used too frequently, and they smother it. If anyone suggests the complete removal of any word, I recommend that they take a page of their WIP and eliminate every the . Not a pretty result.

Words exist for a reason.

June 12, 2017 at 7:40 am

This is excellent and really helpful. I love the exercises. They’re great examples of how to write in a way that will engage the reader by not “telling” him/her everything that’s going on with the character. Thank you.

June 12, 2017 at 7:53 am

Thanks, Patricia. Telling sometimes gets a bum rap, but it’s generally better to show .

June 12, 2017 at 9:59 am

Excellent advice. Thank you for all the examples. I learn best from those. <3

June 12, 2017 at 10:49 am

Thanks, Colleen. I learn best from examples too.

June 12, 2017 at 10:11 am

Great post. With a search feature, a writer can hunt out these mistakes and rewrite. Deep POV pulls readers into the heart of the story and avoids cliche writing.

June 12, 2017 at 10:46 am

Thanks, Beth. Yes, search works well as long as a writer knows what to search for.

June 12, 2017 at 1:24 pm

A most helpful post. This is another to archive for future reference.

June 12, 2017 at 2:33 pm

Thanks for stopping by Anne and Ruth’s blog, V.M.

June 12, 2017 at 2:51 pm

I wasn’t going to bother reading this post, Kathy, but apart from being very funny in places, it turned out to be a good reminder of the need to be more direct in our writing. So easy to fall back into the old habits!

June 12, 2017 at 7:19 pm

I’m glad you stayed long enough to read. Have a great week!

June 13, 2017 at 2:56 am

A Very helpful post. Loved all the tips mentioned by you especially the exercises. Thanks!

June 13, 2017 at 10:31 am

Thanks, Feelings . Interesting filter name. *grin*

June 13, 2017 at 4:09 am

Love it! I am so sharing this with my critique group! I found these exact issues in the MSs I read last night….now I have a name and a fix for them to share with the group as well as reminders for myself on what to avoid-:D

June 13, 2017 at 5:49 am

Thanks, Cat! I wonder if a Filter Addicts Anonymous group would fly. Oh–FAA. I think … nope. The Federal Aviation Administration might object.

June 13, 2017 at 8:40 am

Top notch. Many writers don’t understand or even know about filter words. Excellent info.

June 13, 2017 at 10:30 am

Thanks, Paul. English contains so many filter words, but I picked those I considered most likely to be overused.

June 15, 2017 at 5:51 am

I think the only one I disagree with is the restaurant example. (She frowned at the post and sat scanning through its lines at top speed. Suddenly, upon reaching a particular example, a pang of dismay shot through her! How could she disagree with something so well written?!)

While it’s telling, I think it’s dependent on whether or not this is some huge plot driven thing or just a passing thought in the character’s head that may end up on the cutting room floor anyway.

Still, this has me going back through my (many, overwhelming :v) WIPs now, today, to eyeball them. It’s a hell of a good point to make and I see a lot of this getting through editors, especially in YA fiction. I guarantee we all do it, but we shouldn’t~!

June 15, 2017 at 10:26 am

Thanks for stopping by, Lizzy!

The first sentence in the suggested solution for Exercise #4 takes smells that are filtered through Clint’s senses and presents an active portrayal of the aromas. Although the second sentence is tell , it’s unrealistic to use show everywhere without creating word bloat.

I’m reminded of an author who sometimes takes several paragraphs or pages to describe a scene (show) . I end up flipping through the pages, ignoring his brilliant writing, until I reach the meat of the story.

Good luck with your WIPs. Plural? Excellent. You’re a busy writer.

June 15, 2017 at 11:03 am

I think some of this just goes back to the good old “don’t write in passive tense”. If everything is active and popping, even if Bill is just snoring on his lounge chair, it’s more interesting than hearing that bill’s snoring in his loung chair. It’s tricksy. This is still a primo article though.

And yeah, quite a few WIPs. Everything actively getting written on, too. It’s fun to have everybody hollering in your head at the same time 😀 Thank you though!

June 15, 2017 at 10:03 am

This is the most useful advice on craft I have seen in a very long time. Thank you so much for this!

June 15, 2017 at 1:09 pm

Thanks for stopping by, Amy.

I’m always on the prowl looking for new topics and overused words to research for my next book. Do you have any nemeses?

June 15, 2017 at 1:12 pm

I need to go back over my WIP. I know I’ve used filter words. The question is, as someone said earlier, do I do it now, or do I finish the first draft and then go back and kill them off?

June 15, 2017 at 1:16 pm

Well, V.M., many authors like to rush through the first draft, like basting a hem on a skirt, not worrying about filters, grammar, or clichés. Others prefer a more cautious approach. Whatever works best for you is right.

June 15, 2017 at 8:26 pm

Terrific article. Thanks for sharing Anne… I was lucky only found one in my latest short….Not too bad. LOL… There are were many I learned about that I didn’t know were filters….

June 15, 2017 at 8:46 pm

When I saw “only one,” I just about swallowed my tongue–and then you said it was a short. 🙂

Thanks for your comment, Michael. Filter words are tricky. We use them all the time in speech and writing. Not having any in a novel is unrealistic, but it would be interesting to see someone try. Best seller?

June 16, 2017 at 9:11 pm

LOL… It was a really short, short, Kathy. Only about 700 words. If I were you I would probably have reacted the same way. Thanks again for informing us of the DANGERS of Filters.

It would be interesting to try a novel …. It would probably take years and the author may lose his/her sanity. I think I’ll pass.

June 19, 2017 at 1:53 pm

Excellent article on the virtues of showing instead of telling. I’d never heard of filter words, so it was educational.

June 19, 2017 at 4:01 pm

Thanks, Thomas. Telling can be useful if not overdone. Likewise with filters.

June 19, 2017 at 4:16 pm

Kathy, I can’t thank you enough for this fantastic post. It’s been one of our most popular posts ever, with over 5000 hits in a week! Ruth and I are so happy you visited us! Thanks!!

June 19, 2017 at 4:19 pm

Thanks for the opportunity to participate with your readers, Anne and Ruth!

June 19, 2017 at 4:20 pm

Duh. “Interact” is a better word. I’ve been out in the sun too long murdering dandelions with my Dynasteam.

June 30, 2017 at 6:04 pm

Great advice.

June 30, 2017 at 8:14 pm

Thanks, Rugby!

July 1, 2017 at 2:18 am

Great post. I love the added exercises 🙂 — Suzanne

July 1, 2017 at 5:52 am

Thanks, Suzanne.

July 1, 2017 at 10:23 am

Fantastic post – and one I really needed to hear! Love the examples and the additional exercises. Thanks so much!

July 1, 2017 at 12:39 pm

Thanks, Julia!

July 1, 2017 at 11:37 am

Thanks for the informative post and practical tips. A big help!

July 1, 2017 at 12:40 pm

Thanks, Paula!

July 1, 2017 at 12:41 pm

Oops. Your name is probably Paul. 😉

July 4, 2017 at 3:03 am

You’re right. I would love to translate your book. When I’m translating a book, I’m always thinking: “Oh, she’s FEELING again!”… As a translator, I become bored with books full of “he said, she told, he asked”. Please, writers, try to make your vocabulary richer. Try to make us translators suffer in each line. 🙂

July 4, 2017 at 10:44 am

Thanks for your comment, Rosina.

Heh heh. It would be interesting to see a book about grammar and English translated into a different language. 😉

July 4, 2017 at 5:26 am

Excellent tips. I know I’ve overused them in early works and I still catch myself using some here and there. Thankfully I don’t think I’ve ever doubled up though. I’ve employed the dialogue cheat once in a while too haha

July 4, 2017 at 6:19 am

Thanks, Pat.

The dialogue cheat works well. Too many writers ramble on for page after page without dialogue, creating a story that leaves readers disconnected.

July 9, 2017 at 3:43 am

Very useful post. Thanks.

July 9, 2017 at 9:05 am

Thanks for stopping by Anne and Ruth’s blog, Norah.

July 26, 2017 at 1:15 am

Thanks Kathy for your informative article and Anne for posting, as well as reblogging on Chris The Story Reading Ape’s blog. I’ve shared via https://twitter.com/SuzanneNewnham & https://www.facebook.com/suzannenewnhamwriter/

July 26, 2017 at 10:39 am

Thanks, Suzanne!

August 2, 2017 at 7:27 am

What a great list! The examples are very helpful and a good reminder. It’s easy in the first draft to use filter words just to get the story out. I’ll use this blog in my next copy edit. Thanks,

August 2, 2017 at 9:39 am

Thanks, Kristina! I feel as though your blog will look like you realize the importance of avoiding filter words. Whew. How many did I just cram into one sentence? 😉

September 8, 2017 at 2:56 pm

Totally useful blog post. I’m going to print it out and keep it near my keyboard for quick reference. I have a question for you that perhaps you’ve already covered in another post. What to you think of the overuse of words in dialogue, such as: well, yes, no, ah, oh, etc.?

September 8, 2017 at 4:22 pm

Thanks for stopping by, Carol!

October 4, 2017 at 9:01 pm

I just got my first novel back from the editor and “filter words” and “changes in POV” were the two biggest issues. I hope to use the advice here to go find the filter words and edit because I didn’t even know what that meant.

October 5, 2017 at 5:30 am

Good luck with your edits, Myloe!

March 4, 2018 at 2:26 am

Thank you for this informative article. You can never know enough about sentence structuring and conveying stronger meaning in writing.

September 16, 2018 at 10:13 am

Sorry for the late reply, Robbie. Thanks for stopping by Anne and Ruth’s blog!

June 7, 2018 at 12:08 am

I really enjoyed this post on filter words. Yours is one of the best. And I LOVED that you included some exercise passages for us to work on. I went ahead and wrote my own before looking at your suggestion solutions. It is interesting to see how different writers work out problems in sentences and passages.

I thought I might share a couple of my own reworked passages from the exercise examples too :)!

Exercise #3: Silence enveloped Luisa. A silence so complete that her own pulse thumped in her ears like the boom of a drum. Her stomach turned with nausea. Where am I? The last thing I remember was stepping into the elevator.

Exercise #5: Sir Edgar could never reveal his love for Princess Edwina. It wasn’t that he was unsure of her reciprocation. Indeed, it was true that she loved him in return. No. It was their enemies he was afraid of, whose twisted ruthlessness knew no bounds. They would do anything to get to Princess Edwina. His silence would keep them safe, though this fact did little to comfort Sir Edgar’s yearning heart.

September 16, 2018 at 10:16 am

Thanks for sharing your workarounds, Lily. I enjoy seeing how other authors approach creative writing.

June 7, 2018 at 5:52 am

Thank you for that, Kathy. I’ve just finished the first draft of my latest novel and this will be most helpful in the rewrite. I’m sure I have LOADS of filter words in there. I’ve got your Writers’ Lexicon. It’s most useful.

September 16, 2018 at 10:19 am

Thanks, Vivienne. I must have unsubscribed to post comments when I cleared out my WordPress subscriptions early this year. 🙁

I’m glad you find The Writer’s Lexicon useful, and thank you for commenting both here and on my own website.

Have a great week!

June 8, 2018 at 10:43 pm

Good post, Anne. High on information, low on self-aggrandizement.

Thanks for reading and commenting, Rod.

September 25, 2018 at 12:41 pm

I have praise for your assistance, but also feel marginalised by one of you examples:

“A host of humongous spiders skittered up Guido’s arm and sank their fangs into his skin. After a moment of disorientation, he found himself suspended, swaying, trapped in a giant web. Somewhere behind him a disembodied squeak sent a shiver down his spine, but the sticky trap immobilized his head, preventing him from investigating the source of the noise.”

I tried my own version that was based on the minimal information given in the prior text. My outcome was poor in comparison (correct, but lacking the direction you took), because you had a literary license to write what you want.

In other words you guessed, or knew, what the predicament was in the first place.

In the first passage there is no mention of a spider web, and you have presumed an immobilised head, whereas the story could have been referencing total immobilisation.

A further observation:

There are times in a novel you want a secondary character’s involvement to be limited, so a quick option drives the story past the incident and back to the main characters (as per a movie hero rescuing in the damsel, though we no involvement in how the damsel came to be in the predicament).

You’ve no mention or guidance as to how such situations can be treated even though they exist in most stories.

It was an excellent piece and I learnt much from the article, thank you. Leo

September 25, 2018 at 1:09 pm

Thanks for stopping by, Leo.

Rather than provide iron-clad answers, I prefer to offer guidelines.

A writer’s imagination keeps readers engrossed. You thought of another scenario. Thumbs up. That’s what makes you different from me and millions of other writers. Readers don’t want the same-old same-old

September 25, 2018 at 1:13 pm

It’s fine to gloss over secondary characters if they slow the narrative. Readers balk when forced to remember endless names of people who don’t contribute to the main storyline.

September 18, 2019 at 9:11 pm

Excellent list and exercises, Kathy. Thanks for sharing this.

January 8, 2020 at 2:17 pm

So I guess the MC kvetching about something is out too.

January 17, 2020 at 6:35 pm

I love showing in writing. Yet I’ve had people tell me I was using too much description (maybe I was) and that the writing flows much faster when you just tell. I disagree. To me, showing immerses you deeper into the story.

August 12, 2020 at 7:50 am

This article completely transformed my writing! I had no idea what filtering was and I realized I had at least one filtering word in every sentence of my novel! So far this is the most detailed and helpful article I’ve read about filtering.

November 2, 2020 at 9:25 am

Great article! I’ve shared it with other writer friends and re-read, at times, before diving into edits.

I’m obliged to caution against the EXCESSIVE elimination of filters, evidenced by one of the examples in this article, which eliminates one problem by creating two others:

Know: Quint knew Sandy wanted to go out with him.

The suggested “fix” does NOT communicate the same thing as the original sentence. The original sentence is written in Quint’s POV and expresses his understanding of what Sandy wants. The ‘fix’ sentence is in Sandy’s POV and only states her desire; Quint’s knowledge of it was lost entirely.

Both issues could probably be fixed by context; if the whole chapter is narrated by Quint, then it can be assumed that Quint knows everything that’s narrated.

For the sake of the example, suggest adding an active reaction on Quint’s part to what he knows.

Sandy wanted to go out with him! Quint shivered as a thrill of excitement shot through him.

May 14, 2021 at 5:46 am

A good reply. Authors must be careful not to take these kinds of blog posts as rules of thumb. The use of verbs often helps eliminate excessive description which can also cause distance.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Anne r allen’s blog with ruth harris.

• Blog Vacation Time! This Blog is Taking a Hiatus. July 14, 2024 Anne R. Allen
• Books by Anne R. Allen
• Books by Ruth Harris
• Shirley S. Allen
• Guest Bloggers
• HOW TO GET YOUR BOOK PUBLISHED

43 Words You Should Cut From Your Writing Immediately

by Diana Urban | Sep 8, 2015

When revising any piece of writing — a novel, a news article, a blog post, marketing copy, etc. — there are certain words I delete to make the text stronger and cut my word count. When I’m writing a novel, one of my last drafts focuses on cutting these “filler” words. Removing them helps speed up the pacing of both action and dialogue. In my business writing or blog posts, cutting these words makes the content feel more polished (at least, IMO!). While this might not be the ultimate list of all words you could remove, these are the ones I personally look for when I’m revising, so I thought other writers out there would find this helpful! Also, my examples below might be exaggerated, but I hope they get the points across.

Always remember, though, that there is no one correct way to write. Writing is art, and it’s always subjective. If you want to include these words in whatever context (e.g. to make dialogue sound more natural) that’s 100% your call! This is just my personal list of words I try to limit my usage of as much as possible, and I’ve shared it here in case it’s helpful to anyone else.

Words you should delete

Really, very. These are useless modifiers. You should be able to find stronger verbs or adjectives for whatever you’re trying to enhance. For example, “He ran very quickly along the really long field.” can be, “He sprinted across the vast field.”

That.  If a sentence still makes sense after removing “that,” delete it. For example, “This is the most amazing blog post that I’ve ever read.” can be, “This is the most amazing blog post I’ve ever read.”

Just. I have a hard time removing “just,” especially in dialogue. But for the most part, you don’t need it, and too many can make your dialogue or prose repetitive.

Then. When showing a sequence of events, either remove “then” or try using “and” instead of “then.” Using “then” frequently sounds repetitive and even juvenile. “I shut the car door, then tripped over the sidewalk. Then Bob pointed and laughed, and then my cheeks flushed.” sounds better as, “I shut the car door and tripped over the sidewalk. My cheeks flushed as Bob pointed and laughed.”

Totally, completely, absolutely, literally. These words don’t add information to a sentence. For example, “The box was completely full of clothes.” reads the same as, “The box was full of clothes.” or better yet, “The box was stuffed with clothes.”

Definitely, certainly, probably, actually, basically, virtually.  Again, these words don’t add information. If the sentence makes sense without these words, remove them.

Start, begin, began, begun. These words are unnecessary unless an interruption to the action soon occurs. But for the most part, you can remove these words.

Rather, quite, somewhat, somehow. A movie doesn’t have to be “rather dull,” it can just be “dull.” Delete!

Said, replied, asked, and any other dialogue tag. Dialogue tags slow your pacing and distract readers from the conversation. You can keep these tags for the first couple sentences of dialogue, but once you established who says the first couple lines, readers can follow the conversation back-and-forth for themselves. Also opt for surrounding dialogue with action instead of dialogue tags. Action will let us see what the characters are doing besides talking, and offer character trait information as well. For example:

“I don’t know where I’m going,” said Derek.

“You have a map,” said Ramona. “Figure it out.”

“Haven’t you been here before?” asked Derek.

“It’s been twenty years,” said Ramona. “How am I supposed to remember?”

Derek frowned at the street sign overhead. “I don’t know where I’m going.”

“You have a map.” Ramona took a drag from her cigarette. “Figure it out.”

“Haven’t you been here before?”

“It’s been twenty years. How am I supposed to remember?”

Down, up. Usually, these words are unnecessary and you can remove them. For example, “I sat down on the floor.” could be, “I sat on the floor.” and “I stood up.” could be, “I stood.”

Wonder, ponder, think, thought, feel, felt, understand, realize. When you add any of these terms, you’re removing readers from the introspection and adding useless words. For example, “I wondered whether Johnny was the murderer.” could be, “Was Johnny the murderer?” If the narrator questions, “Was Johnny the murderer?” it’s self-explanatory that the narrator is wondering it. This also helps readers feel closer to your narrator, and more involved in the speculation.

Breath, breathe, inhale, exhale. These are far too commonly used by many authors to describe character internals, including me! Instead of deleting, you’ll have to find an alternative way to describe how a character is reacting to whatever has made them breathe quickly, exhale sharply, or “Let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.” Ick! I highly recommend The Emotion Thesaurus  in paperback, not digital, so you can skim through any time.

Shrug, nod, reach. Every author has her own quirks, and over time, you should become familiar with your own. These are a few of mine — in my first drafts, I have characters shrug, nod, and reach for things way too often — and I know a lot of other writers include these, too. Always have second readers, whether you’re writing a novel or blog post. They’ll be able to point out actions that happen too frequently better than you can, because you’ll usually be too close to your own writing to notice.

How to find these words in your writing

If you’re using Word, it’s easy to find these useless words. First, make sure to select a highlight color from the toolbar besides white.

Click Edit > Find > Advanced Find and Replace . Click Replace and the little down arrow.

Enter the word you’re seeking in both the Find what: and Replace with: fields. When your cursor is still in the Replace with: field, click Format > Highlight .

Click Replace All . Repeat this process for every word you want to find in your document. Then you can scroll through your writing and easily spot these words, and decide if you want to delete them. Doing a Find/Replace to delete these words isn’t a good option because there will be some instances when simply removing the word muddles the meaning of your sentence. Sometimes a sentence will need to be reworked.

Image via Cheezburger .

You’ll be the first to know about new books, sneak peeks, behind-the-scenes scoop, and more. PLUS get community access and a free short story right away!

• Under the Surface

• All Your Twisted Secrets

• Thriller Books I Loved as a Teen of the ’90s & ’00s
• My Plan for Using Social Media as an Author in 2023 & Beyond
• How I Took the Plunge to Become a Full-Time Author
• What It’s Like to Edit Your Book for a Publisher
• How I Outlined All Your Twisted Secrets
• How I Promoted my Book Under the Surface
• Where to Order Under the Surface Signed & Personalized + Bonus Items
• An Annotated Excerpt of Under the Surface PLUS Hardcover News!
• Under the Surface is a 2024 Junior Library Guild Selection!
• How I Came Up with the Idea for Under the Surface
• Inspiration
• Lying in the Deep
• Personal Updates
• Publishing Insights
• Random Musings
• Uncategorized
• Writing Tips
• 50.5K shares

7 Words to Avoid in Writing to Be a Better Writer

by Joe Bunting | 222 comments

If you're reading this, then you want to be a better writer. However, becoming a better writer is elusive, isn't it? It's more art than science. There are hundreds of writing rules, thousands of words to know, and millions of possible ways you could write a simple message. There are also words to avoid in writing.

How do you become a better writer when writing itself is so complicated?

One Writing Rule That Will Make You a Better Writer

In this article, we'll discuss seven words you should avoid, but if I had to give you one piece of advice about how to become a better writer , this would be it:

“Be more specific.”

Being more specific is the piece of the writing advice I give to nearly every writer I work with.

Unfortunately, there aren't seven magical words that you can use to make your writing better .

Instead, these seven vague words are KILLING your writing.

If you want to follow writing rule number one to be more specific, then you need to look out for these seven words. They're vague and are usually a shortcut to what you're really trying to say.

Every time you catch yourself writing with any of these, try to find a better (and more specific) way to phrase your message.

The problem with writing about what not  to do is that you inevitably do exactly what you're telling others not to do.

If you catch me using any of these seven words or phrases in this article or elsewhere, you're welcome to email me angrily, calling me a hypocrite.

Consider, though, that none of us, especially me, have arrived at the summit of editorial perfection. Also, please remember that writing is still an art , not a science, and the most important rule of art is to break the rules!

7 Words and Phrases to Avoid in Writing (to be a Better Writer)

Without further delay, here are the seven words and phrases to avoid if you want to become a better writer.

1. “One of”

Good writers take a stand.

It is either the most important or not. It's either the best or not. Avoid saying “one of the most important,” “one of the best.”

Example: One of the most important writing rules is to be specific.

Instead: The most important writing rule is to be specific.

This is true when it comes to short story writing, novel writing, or even academic writing. As a writer, you should be confident in what you're writing about. Use words that are certain, not wishy-washy.

2. “Some”

Here is the definition of the word “some:

• An unspecified amount or number of.
• Used to refer to someone or something that is unknown or unspecified.

By definition, the word “some” is vague, and as you know, vague writing is bad writing.

If you want to become a better writer, avoid “some” and all of its relatives:

Using “some” in any form often works as a filler word or boring writing, and it makes it hard to visual what you're talking about, too.

Good writing sticks to specifics, so instead of leaning on vague descriptions that include “some,” think about how you can create an exact picture by putting detail into the description.

3. “Thing”

We use the word “thing” constantly. Even as I was writing this article, I had to fight to avoid using it.

However, the word “thing” is a shortcut and a sign of vague, watered-down writing. If you see it in your writing, think hard about what you're really trying to say.

A good way to flag how often you use the word “thing” is the search and find tool. Take a look at how many times you use this weak word in your writing, and replace it with what you're actually trying to write about.

On a regular basis, there is a noun you're actually trying to explain, and “thing” doesn't describe that noun well.

4. “To Be” verbs, Especially Before Verbs Ending With -Ing

“To be” is the most frequently used verb in the English language. Its conjugations include:

Because “To Be” verbs are so common, we easily overuse them, especially with progressive verbs, verbs that end in -ing.

Example:  “Spot was running through the woods.”

Instead: “Spot ran through the woods.”

“Spot was running” is a good example of a verb weakened by “to be.”

“Spot ran” on the other hand, is a much stronger example.

Instead, consider how to use vivid verbs, or action verbs. In fact, I'd argue vivid verbs are the most important words used in any story or written word because this is what actually shows instead of tells.

Another writing tip to keep in mind is that “to be” verbs often use passive voice, and as a writer, you want to write in active voice, not passive.

The example above models this.

5. “Very”

Why cut the word “very”? I'm going to leave this one to the pros:

“Substitute ‘damn' every time you're inclined to write ‘very,'” said Mark Twain . “Your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.”

This goes for New York editors working in big publishing houses and freelance editors, and it should be something you cut when editing your own work.

It's not unlike fancy dialogue tags like “hollered” or “exclaimed,” the overuse of the word “very” stand out in a distracting way.

It makes the writing clunky instead of uniquely descriptive .

“So avoid using the word ‘very’ because it’s lazy. A man is not very tired, he is exhausted. Don’t use very sad, use morose. Language was invented for one reason, boys—to woo women—and, in that endeavor, laziness will not do. It also won’t do in your essays.” —N.H. Kleinbaum, Dead Poets Society

“‘Very' is the most useless word in the English language and can always come out. More than useless, it is treacherous because it invariably weakens what it is intended to strengthen.” —Florence King

6. Adverbs (words that end with “-ly”)

Adverbs—like loudly, painfully, beautifully—are well-meaning words that do nothing for the reading experience.

Good writing is specific. Good writing paints pictures in readers' minds. But which sentence paints a better picture in your mind?

Sentence 1:  “She laughed loudly.”

Sentence 2: “Her loud laugh seemed to reverberate through the party like a gong. Heads turned to see where the ruckus came from.”

Adverbs do lend verbs a glimmer of meaning, but it's the difference between gold-plated and solid gold. Go for the real thing. Avoid adverbs.

By doing so, you'll also probably improve your word count, and writing fewer words that tell a story is better than adding adverbs just because you think it makes a detail stand out.

7. Leading words: So, mostly, most times, in order to, often, oftentimes

Most times—often even—you don't need leading words. Cut them to sharpen your writing.

I've even read an argument that beginning your sentence with the word “so” can sound condescending. What do you think?

Writing This Way Isn't Easy

It takes time. You have to think through each sentence, each word. You have to cut and  rewrite and rewrite again.

You have to think.

This, of course, is how you become a better writer. You labor over words. You build up meaning one sentence at a time. And eventually you become so fast and competent that it's easy, simple to write this way.

Just kidding. It's never easy. It's worth it, though .

Do you try to avoid any or all of these words in your writing?  Let us know in the comments section .

Rewrite the following paragraph, avoiding the seven words above.

One of John's favorite things was the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would sometimes walk there early in the morning when it was still very dark in order to see the city in first light. Often he would see others there who were walking and enjoying the city as well. He was somewhere near Squibb Park when someone came up behind him. She had really blonde hair and was very beautiful and she bumped him roughly as she was running quickly by. He fell, painfully, on his side, and so the woman stopped, and was jogging in place as she asked if he was okay. So, he thought, what am I going to do now?

Write for fifteen minutes , packing as much specific detail as you can into the paragraph. When you’re finished, share your work in the Pro Practice Workshop here .  Not a member yet? Join us here !

Joe Bunting

Joe Bunting is an author and the leader of The Write Practice community. He is also the author of the new book Crowdsourcing Paris , a real life adventure story set in France. It was a #1 New Release on Amazon. Follow him on Instagram (@jhbunting).

Want best-seller coaching? Book Joe here.

222 Comments

I hadn’t thought of these words weakening your story. But your right, they make the sentence sound bland when you read them. Rewrite time! 🙂

I’m glad you found this helpful, Susan! Thanks for the comment.

This is excellent and challenging. I find the “to be” verbs the most difficult to eliminate as I’m writing. Love the advice on specificity.

Would you recommend doing this in the initial write or the rewrite stage?

I find it easier to just write through and then use find to look for instances of words like “very” or -ly adverbs.

I’ll take a stab at the practice later on today.

First revision I ever do on a finished manuscript begins with a word search for these examples as well as “filler”words and phrases such as “just,” “kind of,” “sort of,” “would” for past tense, overuse of past perfect “had,” and my own usual fallbacks (“somehow I couldn’t, didn’t, wouldn’t etc.) Very sobering when you get a word count on such filler words and qualifiers!

What a great idea. Thanks!

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River; it was his favorite place. He would walk there early in the morning when it was still dark to see the city in first light. He would spot others there who walked and enjoyed the city as well. John was near Squibb Park when a lady came up behind him. She had blonde hair and was beautiful. The gorgeous human-being bumped him as she ran past him. He fell, a little bit harsh, on side, and the woman stopped, and jogged in place as she asked if he was okay. Then, he thought, what shall I do now?

The Brooklyn Bridge from the East River was John’s favorite view. When it was still early in the morning and dark he walked there to see the city in its first light. Dozens of people would be out walking and enjoying the city, too, at that hour. Near Squibb Park, a woman came up behind him. Her hair was flaxen blonde and her beauty was undeniable. She bumped him roughly as she ran by at a rapid pace. John fell on his side with a yelp of pain. The woman slowed to a jog in place and asked if he was ok. John wondered what to do at this moment.

I like how you stayed true to the author’s thoughts and words. Whenever I re-write another’s work, I tend to cut out details and I think this is wrong. I see we both spent time trying to figure out how to add a sound that would have made the jogger slow and turn around to talk with John. I also liked “John wondered what to do at this moment.” This was a valuable exercise.

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He strolled the city many mornings, at dawn, to see the span in first light.

John wasn’t alone when he went on these day-break ambles.

A beautiful blonde once knocked into him as she ran past. The collision caused John to fall onto his side. The young jogger turned at hearing the thud of his body hit the sidewalk.

“Are you okay?”

Now what do I do? thought John.

(comment, not practice) This list is helpful. I would add “to have, to get, to come,” and “to go” to the list of verbs to avoid.

I disagree, however, with the substitution of “Spot ran” to replace “Spot was running.” The past progressive (“was running,” which, by the way, is a progressive verb because it is proceeded by the past tense of “to be” and then combined with a present participle, “running”) describes a different type of action–an ongoing action that happens to be in the past.

Compare the meaning of

She ran upstairs

She was running upstairs when she heard the doorbell ring.

For a concise and decypherable review of verb forms, start here: http://www.cws.illinois.edu/workshop/writers/perfectforms/

I guess a person could say: “She started upstairs to put the laundry away, but the doorbell chimed, turning her around midway.”

This could sound more awkward. Basically I agree with what others have said: use the right tool for the right job.

I had fun! ~~~~~~~~~~ John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He’d walk there in the morning when it was still dark so he could see the city in first light. Often he would see others there who were walking and enjoying the city as well.

One morning he was close to Squibb Park when someone came up behind him. He glanced over his shoulder and saw a beautiful blond lady jogger overtaking him. She sideswiped him in passing and John fell.

“Ouch,” he grunted, rubbing his arm.

The woman stopped, jogging in place as she asked if he was okay.

Now what do I do, he wondered. Then his ego kicked in. He jumped to his feet and gave her a serious push. Caught off balance, she went over backwards and landed on her fanny. She sat there for a moment looking so shocked John almost laughed out loud.

“I’m so sorry,” he shouted, faking contrition. “How could I be so careless?”

Her face registered a flash of anger, then she leaned back and laughed. “Touché.”

John reached out a hand and helped the lady to her feet. “How can I make up for my rudeness?” he asked. “May I buy you a coffee as an offering of atonement?”

She laughed again. “You are funny. Okay, I’m sorry, too. Let me buy you the coffee — to make up for my carelessness.”

“Well, I didn’t have to retaliate,” John admitted. “My male ego took over, I guess.”

She grinned. “Terrible fault. That’s good for a muffin.”

“Okay. You buy the coffee, I’ll get the muffins, and our egos should both recover nicely.”

Nicely done.

Great ending, Love how you make it seem like it’s going to end badly, but turn it around.

Thank you. Once in awhile — OOPS! I mean, it happens on an irregular basis that — inspiration strikes.

Lol…It’s so hard!!

I liked it, You really fleshed it out:).

I really like your ending. It demands a response from the woman.

Thank you. It seems she’s willing to take a chance on this new acquaintance. 🙂

I can’t believe how hard it was to keep from using those 7 words in this paragraph! I guess I have more trouble with those than I thought! Thanks for the wake-up call! Paragraph:

John breathed in the salty air as a smile crept to his lips. The one thing that brought him so much pleasure was to stand atop his favorite perch and gaze at the magnificence of the Brooklyn bridge. Any time he could he found a way to stand there right before the sun came up, to see the city glow at first light. Today, after the sun had risen, he walked along the streets and observed the passersby, and wondered about them, their lives, their inner thoughts, and if they were anything like his own. He lost track of time in his thoughts, and found himself two blocks before squibb park, when he was jolted out of pondering by a young woman, who came from behind him and, before he knew it, had shoved him onto the sidewalk. The woman, with bleached hair that shone in the light, turned around in surprise of what she had just done. It took a moment for John himself to realize what had happened. As He stood, she stayed there, jogging in place, and asked if he was alright. He stared at her for a few seconds. Of course he was alright, but he hesitated to say that right away. Embarrassed that he had been knocked over so easily by this small, young woman, he just wanted to mutter a quick reply and leave, but something strange inside made him want to stay and maybe even strike up a conversation. He didn’t know why, but he didn’t have time to sort his own thoughts. It would only be a few seconds before she would shrug and continue her jogging, never to be seen again. As she stared back at him, she looked puzzled by this man who couldn’t even reply, and he could only guess what she must be thinking. He had only a second to answer his own question, “What do I do now?”

I really like the twist you gave to the story. Definitely let your imagination run a bit more free. 🙂 Almost like the beginning of a short story to be continued and finished.

Thanks, Rali, that’s what I meant it to be…Just to let anyone make up their own ending 🙂

I think you did great in that respect Reagan! 🙂 Although the purpose of the exercise was clear, I feel that this could also be used for when you have absolutely no idea about what to write. It’s great how little it takes to start getting inspired, even by simple editing, addition or substitution of words. It can lead to so many wonderful places, just with a simple spark.

Good point!

You sound like a poetic soul. Nice descriptive version, lots of feeling!

The main issue with your version versus the simpler exercise given would be word count. If your editor wants a novel and is okay with all this detail, you’re all right. If the editor tells you, “Reduce this account to 75 words,” it’ll be a challenge.

You know, that Is my exact problem…I write Christian short stories and poetry, and I have such a hard time finding periodicals that’ll take my writings, because they are so long winded! It’s so difficult to cut word count when you just let your mind run free!!

Good points in this post, and the little exercise is a good way to get writers to pay attention! But writing is also all about mindfulness and conscious choice. There are times when one of these “forbidden” words might just be the right one. And I’d add a caveat about the progressive tense issue. If writers believe that copula constructions are verboten because they’re weak, they try to avoid them with some really odd collocations. “Spot ran through the woods” and “Spot was running through the woods” refer to different aspects of time. The second one requires another phrase, granted: “Spot was running through the woods when” but neither is really weaker or stronger. And there are other kinds of “be” + ing constructions that do different things in the language. It’s a matter of understanding how your tools work and making smart decisions about using them, not about forbidding certain ones across the board.

I completely agree with you cj, this is what I actually found a bit frustrating while going through the exercise. I’m always conscious of events and how they unfold in time, so while these words are way overused, depending on who you write for, you can bend and tweak accordingly.

I didn’t think the article was forbidding those words as much as saying, “these words are over-used.” Think about using different, more specific words.

I have to agree with most of what you have said, but I have less praise for the post. Attempting to remove the verb “to be” from our repertoire is pointless and foolish. In the example given, as noted above, the simplification the author seeks has caused us as readers to lose a more accurate understanding of the tense involved. Why not go further? Let’s just grunt. Also, I don’t believe that there are a number of conjugations of the verb “to be”, just one standard conjugation and a number of varieties (regional, archaic etc.). I must say I am also shocked at the hatred of adverbs. It just seems strange to decide that an entire class of word is weak. The author also reverts to a simplistic definition of adverbs as words that end in -ly, but I don’t believe that this serves the purpose well. But then to claim that good writing paints a picture in the reader’s mind, well, at least it helps us as readers understand that the author had only one conception of writing in mind when the piece was composed. There is plenty of writing that is not designed to put a picture in the reader’s mind that is nonetheless perfectly good writing.

I admit a complete lack of any expertise related to the craft of writing well, however, I can think of nary a single type of writing, absent of the intent of “picture placing” in the mind of the reader.

What else are words for.

Whether the words describe the proper installation order of parts in a ring-and-pinion gear assembly of a 1963 Ford pick-up truck, or the second law of thermodynamics, the point is, to “place the picture” in the mind of the reader.

If the words effectively communicate the procedure, when the driver puts the truck into gear, steps on the accelerator and releases the clutch, the truck will move forward. The effect of the “picture placed”.

If the words effectively communicate the process of entropy, the reader understands everything is in a state of decay, which is why the Ford required the replacement of its ring-and-pinion gear in the first place.

Again, “picture placed”.

p.s. Another word I would add to Joes’ list is “that”. It is rarely needed as often as it is used.

Great tips to pay attention to! I enjoyed working through the exercise as well. Thank you for this thought-provoking post! 🙂 ____________________________

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would walk there early in the morning, with the sky still dressed in its deepest blues, and wait to see the city’s first light. From time to time human silhouettes would appear around him walking in silence and enjoying the city as well. Or so he hoped. He was around Squibb Park when a force of what felt like three men bumped into him. He caught a glimpse of a figure running by and fell on his side gasping in pain. He lay on the pavement for a brief moment trying to make sense of what had just happened, when he noticed a beautiful blonde woman looking at him with profound curiosity while still jogging in place. He tried to get up and heard her asking if he was okay. Well, that was a good question, he thought. “What do I do?” _____________________________

I disagree with most of your list, Joe. Sometimes , you can use someone to enhance mystery, or to ratchet up horror. At the same time, you can use very, usually to indicate degrees. After all, you never jump from being tired to being exhausted. Being tired indicates that Ted is close to his usual bedtime. being exhausted indicates that he has stayed up several days past his usual bedtime.

Then there are the “-ly” adverbs. This comes from Stephen King. He is a great writer, but he’s not the be-all/end-all of writing. For example, a crawl is a specific form of moving. So, you can crawl quickly, or slowly, but if you say “Steve scurried,” then he’s not crawling, he’s actually off his belly and moving.

For your example with Spot, both actually fit and work. For example: “Spot was running happily through the woods when the hunter exploded from the bushes, and nearly caught him.” And, “Spot ran through the woods, his lungs burning in his chest, the hunter in close pursuit.” It depends based on timing.

Thing is a strange one. What if, for example, you’re writing of an eldritch abomination? “Monster” might not fit because it could be the hero or her mentor. Also, regular pronouns probably don’t work either.

But, as you say: Writing is an art.

I think the idea is that writers usually stick to one word (or set of words), and never use anything different. For example, ‘very’, is, most of the time, a lazy word. There are way too many words in the English language to settle for that one, especially when you use it over and over. The same with the rest. Oh, and with the whole ‘spot ran’ vs. ‘spot was running’, both are good, but, being the grammar freak that I am, I’ve seen way too many writers use them all wrong.

These are actually rules for straightforward writing, and as you said, sometimes adding mystery is a plus. I can actually imagine a scenario where I can write “thing” in a description and it could still sound professional. The thing about writing is that there is no right and wrong. As long as you expressed your opinion and your readers understood the point, it wouldn’t matter what way you use, but using vague words and still conveying the message is not an easy feat, so I guess this is just a rule for people like me to follow. First every writer should stick to the rules and when they are skilled enough, they can break them, so, yeah ^^. As I was reading the post, I kept my awareness that this isn’t some kind of “follow-the-rule-or-else-the-creative-writing-police-will-catch-you” kind of post. wait.. right? ._.

Nope. You’re wrong. They’re coming to take you away/He-he/Ha-Ha/Ho-Ho/To the Funny Farm

Nah, I’m just messing with you. But , on the other hand, there don’t seem to be any actual rules to writing other than basic spelling and grammar. You can find posts that say don’t use these words, they’ll make your writing weak, and then you’ll find another saying don’t use completely different words for the same reason.

Heck, over on my own blog, two years ago, I shared info in defense of the lonely “-ly” adverb ( https://beginingsinwriting.wordpress.com/2012/11/19/in-defense-of-the-lonely-adverb/ ).

The way I see it is, write what you think works. Find an editor who you work great with, and then re-write. But, what do I know? My book barely moves 3 copies a month.

Hey RW. Great points. I did a quick search on a few books, a book by Agatha Christy, The Secret Adversary, (125 very’s, 138 some’s) and Melville’s Moby Dick (125 very’s, 629 some’s). Then took a quick look at a self-published book with high reviews (51 very’s, 432 some’s). So just from the stats you’re not wrong.

That being said, the way great writers use “very,” “some,” and “thing” is different from the way mediocre writers use them. What you’re describing adds specificity, whereas the way most people use them takes it away. Let’s keep talking about this!

Maybe instead of trying to adjudicate some words as being “weak,” we should, instead, look at how they are used ?

Can’t they be weak and still used well? A pawn is a weak piece but it can still take out the queen.

But, if it is used well, is it still weak? Going with your chess piece analogy, remember what happens when that pawn hits your opponent’s back row? It can become any piece you want. As the only piece that can do that, wouldn’t the pawn actually be the most powerful one?

I think the bigger issue for writers would be repetition.

yeah any piece except a king i guess lol..

Your list is a great start! Another word belonging on any such list is: “that”.

Definitely Suzanne! I read so many posts where they talk about “that,” though, that I felt it was played out, at least for this post. And more often than not, I find I can’t cut them, at least in my own writing.

Thanks for your reply, Joe.

Fundamental to all writing are context, purpose, vocabulary, sentence structure, and grammar. Audience matters, too. The goal of technical writing is concise procedural clarity. Both philosophical and legal writing require ironclad specificity of meaning. Scientific writing demands clarity and precision. I’ve done it all.

The goal of fiction, (and an effect of well-written fiction – at its best,) is to bring vividly to life, for the reader, an emotional experience of some kind (balancing, unbalancing or both.) To create this “magic” writers must be thoughtful, artful and disciplined in “toying with” the elements of their craft – context, purpose, vocabulary, and sentence structure, WITHIN the constraints of SOME TYPE OF “consistent grammar” – rewriting to refine effect, clarity, and consistency of style.

“When in doubt, cut it out…” Keeping things “lean and mean” is both a long-standing and current trend in ALL writing, fiction included. However, “only fat” should be cut – muddy and/or extraneous verbiage which detracts from the writing. Brevity itself is not a virtue, so should never be a goal. Some of the best fiction ever written is rife with expressions of such complexity they incline naturally to the use of lengthy compound sentences luxuriant with richly descriptive phrases dependent heavily upon arcane, esoteric and at times tantalizingly exotic vocabulary.

I know I’d certainly be sorry to miss out on a sentence of that ilk. ;- )

So many great things here, Suzanne, so I’ll just say YES!

Just one DOE tossing in my TWO bucks… (lol) I have my own practices and procedures, about which I’m quite private, but I’m both enjoying and grateful for the opportunity to belong to this group! Writing, by its nature, is a solitary (occasionally lonely) endeavor, and this group is an interesting, friendly, (mostly non-competitive) antidote. Thank you for being a gracious host/leader. p.s. “YES!” is ALWAYS a welcome response. The End… ;- )

I have to say that this has been one of the very best of some of the articles I have ever read willingly. Am I ever to be a very good writer, I need to be activly reading some more of these articles. So, in order to try to relieve my writing of some or all of those phrases, here is my comment:

Twilight dawned as John stared in awe at the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from his vantage point on the East River. His favorite view and this special time brought back vivid memories. The night they met flashed into his mind.

With Squibb Park surrounding him, she crashed into his body forcing him to the ground. He looked up at the flurry of blonde hair above him and realized his side caught the brunt of the fall. Through his wincing eyes he saw her lips moving and her hair bouncing as she jogged in place. The sound of the voice caught up with his lip movement “… sorry. I didn’t mean …. are …. are you alright? … sorry….” Her voice faded along with his conciousness.

Oh, I like how it ends! With some of the words missing out.

Oooh..Love the dramatic twist! Though it had to have been a very hard fall…

Wow, that was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be! This list was deifinitely helpful in making my writing more concise and to the point.

John’s favorite place to be alone with his thoughts was the bank of the East River. From there, he had a perfect view of the Brooklyn Bridge and could observe the hustle and bustle of the city without really being a part of it. At every opportunity he got, John walked three miles from his apartment just before sunrise to see the city in first light. One morning in early spring in the midst of his trek to East River, he stopped briefly on the outskirts of Squibb Park to appreciate the pleasant breeze that brought the scent of blooming flowers to his nose. He heard heavy footsteps behind him and turned to see a beautiful woman approaching with platinum blonde hair that seemed to glow in the dim light of the rising sun. He had only a moment to appreciate the lovely swing of her hair and the rhythm of her constant footfalls before she hurtled into him as she plowed forward. He crashed onto the ground and felt a rock digging into his side as he gasped for breath. The woman came to an abrupt halt and pulled an earbud out of her ear. Still jogging in place, she surveyed him with a worried look and asked if he was okay. As he tried to catch his breath, he thought through his options, still mesmerized by the gently bobbing mass of shiny hair. She was utterly gorgeous, and the two were utterly alone.

What am I going to do now, John thought, wondering how to pull this woman into a conversation. What can I possibly say?

I love the details you provide. I can see this woman, pulling off her earphones and engaging with the man. Great job!

The best of about four tries.

As first light painted the Brooklyn Bridge in pinks and reds, John watched from the East River. He loved the early morning view of the bridge and the city. He made the trek through Squibb Park for the view, and he was not alone, as others ambled along the trails and paths of the park.

Not paying attention, he suddenly heard “Track!” from behind. His collision with a long legged beautiful blonde knocked him off the path and onto his side.

The blonde stopped, jogged in place, and asked, “You OK?”

Looking up at this vision of beauty John thought, “Now what?”

Visual and concise. It makes you want to read on.

Fantastic, Gary. There were two little details I thought made this shine: how you described her as the “long legged blonde” (you could probably get away with cutting the beautiful since it may be implied but it’s a small thing), and the “vision of beauty.” This whole piece was crisp and clean though. Great job Gary!

Fabulous advice, as always 🙂 I must say I have a really annoying tendency to begin paragraphs with ‘So,’ when I’m writing certain things. I also have an abiding hatred of ending sentences with prepositions, unless I’m writing conversationally. Despite this, I often find them slipping in at the end without me noticing, and I come to edit and curse myself for so flagrantly disobeying my own rules.

Thanks Hazel. Prepositions at the end of sentences are actually okay now. Liz wrote a whole post on it: https://thewritepractice.com/ending-prepositions/

So (oops!) don’t worry too much about those prepositions and start cutting those “So”s! 😉

They may be okay by you, but they still annoy the hell out of me 🙂

Not okay by me, okay by proper grammar! Feel free to be annoyed, but you’re being annoyed by a made up rule! 🙂

It doesn’t annoy me because it’s a rule, I just find my sentences have a smoother flow if I don’t end them with prepositions, that’s all. And it’s not always true – in conversational writing it doesn’t bother me at all, and even in the rest of my writing it depends on the sentence – there are sentences that sound better if you do end it that way. I have found though – in general for me, personally – that I don’t like to end sentences in prose with prepositions.

Fair enough!

I suppose you could say it’s my own rule, in that case 🙂

Wow, I needed this. Just did searches for each word on the list in my latest chapter and discovered I use an exorbitant amount of “some” words. Discarding all that ambiguity will sharpen the meaning down to a fine point!

Awesome! (Does that count as a “some word?) So glad this helped, Grey. 🙂

John enjoys the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would walk there early in the morning when it is still dark to see the city in first light. Often he would see others who walked and enjoyed the city. Near Squibb Park a jogger came up behind him. She had blonde hair, beauty, and knocked him over as she sprinted by. He fell in pain on his side, the woman stopped, jogging in place and asked if he was okay. So, he thought, what will I do now?

This post is awesome! I DID set a timer for 15 minutes but lol, didn’t end up sticking to it. Hopefully next time…

Best view of Brooklyn Bridge? East River. Before sun-up. Gotta wake up at stupid o’clock or not worth it. John’s up for it weekends, and Thursdays. Every other day he needs the lie-in. He’s dedicated to beauty, not its bitch.

Check behind the toaster for keys, his jaw for stray peanut butter, pockets for a Sharpie. Go. So dark he’s tempted to make the trek across the city with his eyes closed. “Resist, Johnno. Face all you got goin’ fo you.” He must’ve said it six times when he’s heard; Dude With A Donut gives him the eyeball, but clearly can not be fucked with crazy this early, not when crazy isn’t brandishing a knife or asking for money.

Ten, fifteen paces from Squibb when he hears feet slapping sidewalk like they’re trying to bruise. John glances over his shoulder and is treated to a glimpse of a Botchelli Rapunzel. Slow to a saunter. Run his fingers through his hair. Open his mouth and get slammed off balance and into a sprawl of obscenties on the sidewalk. Bones in his knees are juddering, his palms are angry with blood and he’s got a Fairytale Princess drawn by one of the masters up above him, hopping in place. “‘Ey, you okay?”

Pride gets John up on one knee, and a throbbing in his ankle makes him struggle the rest of the way up. Rapunzel is shaking out her other earbud, frowning with her forehead, a distance in her eyes like clouds rolling out to sea. He picks some grit out of the scrape in his hand. ‘Fuck you’ and ‘Fuck me’ are both fine answers.

I see why you went over the timer:). That’s quite a story.

Ha, thank you! I’m the worst at timers, my mind just freezes.

This guys voice is so crisp and defined. I love this. Really love it. Finish this up and let’s get it published somewhere!

Ha thanks 🙂 I will poke at it some more.

Ah, thanks for the reminder with this article. I agree on the problem of overusing these words (especially “very” and adverbs). I believe that the usage for these words are quite subjective though, as some of the other commenters have pointed out, but I get what you’re saying here. It’s ridiculously easy to get carried away by lazy writing, and the end result reads more like a summary than an exciting story (the practice piece, for example). This is a real fun practice. I added a backstory as to why John liked the view in order to beef up the story a little. Here’s what I got:

——————-

“I wouldn’t trade it for the world.”John remembered her saying, and he couldn’t have agreed more. The sight of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River was more than just a view – it was a landmark for him. It was right up there with Lady Liberty and the Empire State Building, both of which he believed were overrated. He had been to those places, and it was nothing compared to his favorite view. Overhyped and overcrowded , was what she said. He agreed with that as well. There was a certain charm and romance about watching the slumbering giant awaken from the depths of the six o’clock fog, seeing the bridge emerge along with the very first lights across the East River. And it was all the more perfect when he was there with Sarah.

“I wouldn’t trade it for the world,” she said. He held the view close to his heart, now more than ever since the day she left.

John still went there to relive the days when he and Sarah would stroll along and waste the hours in the dark of dawn, breathing in the sharp cold air and holding on to each other for warmth. The gray darkness of four a.m. still called to him every now and then, whenever the memory of past persists in his insomniac mind. He would head out to Squibb Park, hands in his jacket, and walk the same path he’d always walk back then. There were other souls wandering the park as well early out, but John never cared to pay attention to them. It was only later on a Saturday morning when his solitary routine was broken – the first time in a span of three months when he finally talked to someone in the park that wasn’t Sarah.

She was blonde, the radiant yellow kind of blonde he’d usually see in movie stars, the kind that caught his attention. And she was beautiful enough to make him forget every screaming pain in his body that ignited when she accidentally knocked him to the ground when she ran into him. He was making his way towards Squibb Park when she came out of nowhere and delivered him a brutal tackle that could’ve been easily mistaken to have come from a bull.

“Holy crap, are you alright?” she asked. John scrambled to sit up when he saw her for the first time, and stared dumbfounded at the woman in front of him. She didn’t lend him a hand. She wasn’t even standing, her legs in constant motion as she jogged in place. The movement was slightly distracting to John, who was striving for words to come out from his mouth.

Shit, now what? he yelled inside, victim of a stagnated brain that hadn’t had any social interaction with a female human since Sarah. He simply grinned at the woman and prayed that he didn’t look like a freak.

This was a great exercise, and though the rules don’t always apply, and sometimes make good writing when broken, attempting to avoid the sinful seven, I think drives us to better writing…here is my rewritten exercise:

John’s favorite morning view was the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He walked the river path in the darkness before the dawn to enjoy the first natural light of day as it hit the city’s buildings and crawled its way down to the bridge and the river.

As he approached Squibb Park, he felt the slap-slap-slap of a joggers feel on the path behind him. He turned to make sure he wasn’t in her way, and saw the sun’s halo gleaming around her platinum blonde hair. The light accentuated her flowing locks, her sensuous lips, her cleavage damp with perspiration, and her long, fluid legs. He paused to smile at her and let her pass.

She seemed to be looking far beyond him. He realized that in her alluring, arctic-blue eyes there was no acknowledgment of his existence. He saw the classic line from ear buds connected to a device secured around her muscular arm, and knew she was listening to music he would never hear. As she sped by, her elbow collided with his. The contact was unexpected and threw him off balance. John fell to the ground, his bad hip making first contact.

In pain and embarrassment and unable to move when he opened his eyes, he saw her tattered running shoes dancing in place next to his head. He looked up at her and hoped his pain wasn’t obvious. He saw her lips form the words, “Are you okay,”

He was certain, given she hadn’t bothered to remove even one of her ear buds, that she expected him to reply in the affirmative, so she could continue on, unencumbered by his clumsiness,

Unnerved by his inability to withstand her unintended impact,his ignoble position on the ground at her feet, and the searing pain that shot up his spine and down his left leg in ragged spasms, he was speechless.

“What now?” he thought. He knew he would need EMTs but was unwilling to speak to her. Maybe she could think him mute. Maybe she would kneel down next to him and decide for him and tell him what she would do to help him.

She started to run around him, assessing his condition. “Want me to call 911, when I get back to my car? she asked. “I don’t have my phone with me.”

John couldn’t hear her.

What happened to the milk of human kindness he wondered. How comforting a touch would be at this moment. Was she such a Lady Macbeth she only saw his weakness, his age, his frailty. Did it all repel her, as it did him?

Though he longed for eye contact, longed for a touch, a kind word, he uttered, “ I’ll be fine. Go on.”

He raised his arm that wasn’t pinned beneath his pitiful frame, and waved her away. Without hesitation she obliged, and with his whole body he felt the thuds of her feet as they receded. He dropped his arm back to his side, happy to remove from his sight the flesh that once was taut over muscele but that now sagged from his thin arm

If he hadn’t cracked the phone in his pocket, along with his hip, and if he could maneuver it out of his pocket, he could call 911. Or, one of the other early morning walkers would soon be by. One would assist him. No one need ever know he was felled, like an already dead tree, by a gorgeous, lightweight, young woman.

I never would have thought of this outlook! Really nice!!

This article helped me immensely as I know I have to cull a lot of these unessential words from my writing. Here’s a go at the exercise…

John took his leisurely walk to his favorite spot to view the Brooklyn Bridge near the East River. Weather permitting, he looked forward to seeing the lights of the City before the sun extinguished their brilliant glow. A growing number of joggers and early birds also made their way to this Mecca to find solace or just to exercise. As John contemplated the city’s incandescent glow, he heard the hypnotic sound of tennis shoes slapping the concrete path. He turned to get out of the way, but the runner crashed into him, and he felt the pavement give way under his feet. A blonde goddess knelt down and with breathless concern asked if he had been hurt. John touched his bloody arm and felt the pain in his right side.

“It could’ve been worse, but I think I’ll live. Just help me up, dear. I’m not used to such awkward introductions at this hour of the morning.” John felt shaky and then lightheaded as the lovely young lady helped me, then whipped out her cell phone to call 911.

“We finally meet! I’ve seen you here on the mornings I get out for my run. Thank goodness, no bones seem broken. I’m a nurse from General Hospital.If you’re still in ER when I get to work this morning, you’re going to get special care from me. Don’t move now until the medics get here. I see them coming. By the way, my name is Sherry Hill. I’ll direct the medics over to you. Just sit tight.”

I offered a weak smile to her. “Good to meet you Sherry. I’m John Hopkins and no affiliation to the renown institution. I look forward to your special care.” John tried to laugh but ended up wheezing. Maybe this morning could be the start of an interesting relationship.

I love the different outlooks on this!

I’ve been eliminating most of these for years. However, I discovered long ago that the best and most efficient way to deal with them is NOT to try to eliminate them on the first draft. Doing this slows the flow, sort of constipates the process. Better approach is the write freely, leaving the muddlers (my name for them) in. Then, ruthlessly rip them out on the first edit.

Yes, definitely. Great point!

I heard before about avoiding adverbs, but Rowling is using them all the time in her Harry Potter books and they don’t disturb me that much to be honest.

Sure. We all use them! The difference is that good writers use them well. 😉

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He walked there early in the morning when the dark covered the city in first light. He saw the woman walked and enjoyed the city as well. He stood near Squibb Park when she came up behind him. Her blonde beautiful hair bumped him as she run by. He felled on side. The woman stopped and jogged in place. “Are you okay?” He thought What am I going to do now?

John’s favorite activity was the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He used to walk there early in the morning, before the slightest hint of sunrise shows in the sky, when it was still pitch black, in order to see the city’s light when the sun does rise. It was normal to find others there who walked and enjoyed the city just like him. He was near Squibb Park at the time when a stranger came up behind him. Her hair was so blonde, it was almost white and she, herself, was strikingly beautiful. She bumped him as she sprinted by with a bump that was so hard that he fell on his side and felt the pain of the impact of the fall on the ground. Then, the woman stopped, and jogged in place as she asked if he was okay, which made him think, “what am I going to do now?” ### I guess i screwed it up, but well, this is what I can do right now. I struggled with the bump part I have to say. .-.

Not screwed up at all! Good job:).

Thank you 🙂

Wow, very informative. I wonder where you got the inspiration for this. Working on cutting those words 😉

We all are! Thanks Kellie. 🙂

Variations on a theme. I thought about this and decided on another point of view.

As first light painted the Brooklyn Bridge in pinks and reds, John watched from the East River. He loved the early morning view of the bridge and the city. He and Edward made the trek through Squibb Park for fifteen years, until Ed passed last year. Now John came by himself, for the memories of his partner, and for the view. Ed had loved this city, the bridge, and his love for this bustling hive of humanity had infected John. Like most mornings, John was not alone, as others ambled along the trails and paths of the park.

Not paying attention, he suddenly heard “Hey!” from behind. His collision with another chubby, grey headed, old man, left him on his side and gasping for breath.

The other fella, stooped, offered a hand, and asked, “You OK?”

Looking up at the hand being proffered, John thought, “Now what?” He had seen this fella a few times, and oftened wonderded how to say hello. Taking the hand John managed to get to his feet and got his breath back.

“Cecil.”

“Hi Cecil, John.”

“Mornin’ John. You going to be ok? Live nearby?”

“Yeah, just a block or two north.” John took a tentative step and winced. “Damn, ankle.”

“Sprain?”

“Nah, ain’t that bad. Broke it when I was young and stupid and it gives me fits now and then.”

“I live up that way too. Let me walk that way with you. Want a coffee?” Cecil said.

“Bailey’s?”

Cecil grinned at John and said, “Hurting that bad?”

“Oh, nah, I meant for coffee,” John grinned back. “Though a shot of Bailey’s might help.”

“Ok. Just moved here. Lost my partner three months ago, and don’t know where things are yet.”

“I lost my partner last year, but decided to stay.” John said.

“Partner?” asked Cecil.

“Yes, Edward,” John said and braced for the impact.

“Tom, nearly 30 years,” Cecil replied.

“A little over 15 for us.”

“Long time, big loss. So, buy you a coffee at Bailey’s? Come up to my place and I can add the other Bailey’s to it?” Cecil said.

“Sure. Why not.”

John and Cecil turned and walked, John limping a bit, back up the path in Squibb Park, getting to know each other.

“Sky diving! That’s young and stupid? You went sky diving?” Cecil was heard to say as they continued up the path.

You really fleshed it out. Another perspective.

Brilliant, Gary. I love what you did with it. Dialogue, in my opinion, is the best form of showing, not telling us writers have.

John favorited the view of Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would walk there early in the morning in the darkness to see the city in first light. He would see others there who walked and enjoyed the city as well. He was near Squibb Park when a person came up behind him. She had really blonde hair and was stunning. She bumped into him as she ran by incredibly fast. He fell, with a sharp pain, on his side, and so the woman stopped, and was jogging in place as she asked if he was okay. John thought, what am I going to do now?

Please, let me know how my performance went.

it was pretty good

Good Sabri!

John’s favorite view is of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would walk there at 6:00 in the morning when it was still dark to see the city in first light. He would see others there who were walking and enjoying the city as well. He was near Squibb Park when a woman came up behind him. She had blonde hair and was beautiful. She bumped him roughly as she was running quickly by. He fell, painfully, on side, and so the woman stopped, and was jogging in place as she asked if he was okay. He thought, what am I going to do now?

What indeed? Good work, Ethan. You got them all!

Got them all? Really? who were walking; bumped him roughly; she was running quickly by; He fell, painfully, (separating it with commas does not turn the adverb into an adjective); and was jogging — all on the suggested purge list.

Not so easy to purge them, nor should we. The way we write, the words we choose to use, misuse, and overuse, whether we dangle our prepositions or split the infinitives — this is our “voice.” I think about how the paragraph sounds in my head and if it sounds natural, I go with it. I will try to pay more attention to these caveats but I will not purge all of them from my writing because there are times when they are necessary.

I liked the activity and your thought of John propelled into a scene from a Woody Allen’s movie” Manhattan .After 15mins Here goes: John’s favourite method to de-pressurize myself was to stand on the shores of the East River while watching the geometric iron clad shapes of the Brooklyn Bridge .After work, he meandered through the quiet streets watching the city wake up. His pre-dawn ritual gave him a feeling of renewal after working the rush hour shift at Darby’s Steak Joint. In May after a rather hectic night of medium rare steaks, French fries, and Greek salads. He found his bench watching the night disappearing when a beautiful, blonde siren appeared requesting a light for an extra long perfectly rolled joint. Her beauty matched the aroma of the weed and instantly one over-worked underpaid kitchen scallion become two. They both sat on the bench marvelling at the city rubbing away sleep from it’s eyes and reaching for the New York Times.

“…marvelling at the city rubbing away sleep from it’s eyes and reaching for the New York Times.” — Great!

I’m running out of ways to say, I’m impressed!

Ha! Nice twist, Rufus. What’s this gritty young lady doing up at dawn?

That was a fun exercise. While my piece is a bit “overdone”, I know it’s the process and not the product. I enjoyed rethinking the 7 words, and challenged myself to “show not tell” His heart lightened and his mind soared; muscles relaxed and deep breaths of fresh air energized him. John was nourished by his ritual of anticipation. Standing at the river’s edge, his essence was engulfed by the subtle metamorphosis of the cityscape. The majestic lines of the Brooklyn Bridge foreshadowed the rest of the NY cultural icons, revealed as in a Broadway stage opening curtain.

The hues of charcoal grey watercolored by smudges of pink and purple backdropped the rough-sketched skyline as it transformed into precise architectural beauty.

His enraptured attention was knocked to the ground by a sudden jolt, the source only hinted at out of the corner of his eye. Stunned, his focus raised from the staccato rhythm of pink running shoes to taut black spandex to blue eyes framed by blonde curls bent down toward his face.

“Hmmmmm …,” he thought, “maybe it was serendipity that knocked me down.”

I’m a sucker for purple prose, Susan. This one had me! I will say that the last line was a bit cheezy, even for me. Still, it was the perfect meet cute. What happens next?

Thanks for your comments, Joe! Plus I learned a new term … purple prose. Very useful (since that’s part of my style to stretch my writing muscles).

You’re very welcome, Susan. Be careful with purple prose though. Do a google search on it and you’ll find most people are anti. I’m weird!

I saw your ending as the beginning of a movie. You captured the essence of a chance meeting between strangers with charm and the right amount of what’s next? Well Done

Wow. Thanks for that!

I enjoyed this little exercise. Just a thought, one of the most helpful things I find is to read stories aloud. Read them to your friends and family or read them to yourself – the character’s voices are probably already in your head! Anything that sounds ‘clunky’ or grammatically wrong will surface as you read. You know something isn’t quite right when you trip over the words. Here’s my take on John’s early morning walk.

John’s favorite view was the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He liked to walk there before dawn and watch the city take a deep breath to start the day. Others had the same idea. John was close to Squibb Park when he heard footsteps gaining on him. If he had been forewarned then he would have turned around and braced himself. That way he would have a beautiful woman in his arms, and he would not be on the floor with his pride, and a couple of ribs, bruised. She asked if he was okay. A light breeze played with her blonde hair as she jogged on the spot. Looking up at her, he thought there was a chance he could be okay for the rest of his life. This is a turning point, he thought. This is when I find all the right words and they bring this woman into my life.

“That way he would have a beautiful woman in his arms, and he would not be on the floor with his pride,” — Love this!

I agree, Marilyn. Definitely something (oops, double sin) we’ve talked about here on The Write Practice, but perhaps it’s time to bring it up again.

This is by far the best sentence, “That way he would have a beautiful woman in his arms, and he would not be on the floor with his pride, and a couple of ribs, bruised.” If only! But this sentence is a close second, “He thought there was a chance he could be okay for the rest of his life.” What a romantic. I hope he gets his words/girl!

Her early morning run had become a ritual for her. She ran the same route along the East River so often she could do it with her eyes closed. In the early morning hours it was rare to see anyone else. The exercise relaxed her body and the peacefulness allowed her mind to release itself after a long graveyard shift at St. Annes hospital. A long hot shower afterwards, washing the night from her long blonde hair, made it complete. The garbage can by the river in Squibb Park was her half way point, and passing it always brought back memories of John.

Love your thinking! Yet another useful reminder to open our mind to creativity and varied perspectives.

Another very creative take on this!

Oooh, nice perspective change. You have me wanting more, Thomas. Good work! One small cliche to watch out for, “so often she could do it with her eyes closed.” I like the specificity from St. Annes. Now, give us more!

Thank you for your catch. Cliches are a weakness of mine.

I disagree with number 6. The reason Sentence 2 is better than Sentence 1 is because it is longer and provides more vivid details, not because it doesn’t have an adverb. Also Sentence 2 is actually 2 sentences and contains the word “seemed” which can come off as vague.

My suggested edit to the sentence is the following: “She laughed loudly, the laugh reverberating through the party as if someone struck a gong, with heads turning to seek the source of the ruckus.”

I’m with you, David. Adverbs are to verbs as adjectives are to nouns. Should we get rid of adjectives? Should we prefer nouns to verbs. “A loud laugh” is better than “laugh loudly”. Why? I agree that sometimes adverbs are redundant “He screamed loudly,” “she laughed cheerfully.” and sometimes a verb adverb combo can be replaced with my more economical verb, “she strolled” rather than “she walked lazing” etc. but sometimes adverbs add new information. Why not? Just because some famous person said it?

Fair enough, David. And I certainly use adverbs all the time (see?). But I’m definitely (again!) not alone in suggesting they’re a shortcut. Perhaps these authors can do a better job explaining it:

http://www.writersdigest.com/editor-blogs/guide-to-literary-agents/subverting-adverbs-and-cliches http://writetodone.com/shoot-adverbs/ http://www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/how-to-eliminate-adverbs

I especially (ok, that’s enough) enjoyed the first article from Chuck Sambuchino. Thanks for reading!

That sentence doesn’t make an huge amount of sense. The laugh would be reverberating as if someone had struck a gong, previously. The phrase “with heads turning…” doesn’t have the verb it needs to hold its own in that position.

The Brooklyn Bridge from the East River resonates in John’s mind, when he thinks back to New York, as his favorite view of all time. He walked there regularly, early each morning while it was still dark in order to see the city in first light.

Once, near Squibb Park, a stranger with radiating beauty and platinum blonde hair bumped into him like a bull in a china shop and sent him flying to the ground.

He recognized she had not intended to hit him; she was merely on her morning jog. He felt a mild pain on his side, and looked up to see the woman running in place, with an inquisitive look on her face.

He thought, what should I say now?

Great work, Jenny. Interesting change in perspective. Where is John now and why is he reflecting on this moment in particular?

John’s favorite city view was of the Brooklyn Bridge seen from the East River. He liked to walk there as night’s shadows gave way to early morning’s glow. It was then he could see the city bathed in first light. He was not alone in this pleasure. Nearby residents also walked and enjoyed the city in the early light. Near Squibb Park, John was surprised when a beautiful blonde jogger banged roughly into him as she sped past. He fell, painfully, onto his side. The women stopped. She returned and asked “Are you okay?” She continued jogging in place. John, dazed, did not know how to react.

This is great! I like how you followed up the long first two sentences with a short, “He was not alone in this pleasure.” It gave this a nice punch. And great last sentence!

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He walked there in early morning darkness to see the city in first light. He often encountered others who walked and enjoyed the city as he did. John was near Squibb Park when a woman, whose bright blonde hair served to accentuate her beauty, ran up behind him. The woman bumped John hard as she passed him. As he lay on the ground on his side, writhing in pain, the woman stopped and jogged in place above him, and asked if he was okay. So, he thought, what do I do now?

Nicely done. I confess that last part, “What do I do now,” threw me. It’s interesting to to see what others do with it.

Great practice! It looks like you got them all. I liked what you did here, “… a woman, whose bright blonde hair served to accentuate her beauty.” I might have even cut the “served to,” since you don’t really need it, doing something like this, “a woman whose bright blonde hair accentuated her beauty,” or even (if I was feeling more eager), “accentuated her goddess-like beauty.” Although that might be a little too Fifty Shades of Grey. 😉

Thanks for participating!

Thànk you. Appreciate the forum.

John loved to stroll on the bank of the East River early in the morning. Many took advantage of the breath-taking view of the city at first light. Outside Squibb Park, he was knocked down from behind. Lying on his side, he looked up to see a beautiful blonde jogger. She continued to jog in place as she asked if he was alright? Wow, he thought, if I could only talk to women…

If only! Nice editing, Charlotte. 🙂

Consider, though, that none of us, especially me, have arrived at the summit of editorial perfection.

I like how, in your sentence about editorial perfection, you missed a grammar mistake. Pretty sure it’s “especially I”

Perhaps Chinese have different ways of writing the article.

It was sunrise, the time of day John loved most. The lights of the city glinted and swam in the water of the East River as John walked along its shore, and, in the distance, the majestic Brooklyn Bridge was silhouetted against the horizon. When walking down a busy sidewalk or stuck in a packed subway car, John couldn’t escape from a feeling of crowded loneliness. In contrast, although he never spoke to them, he felt an overwhelming sense of community with these people who shared New York City’s dawn with him. John saw Squib Park, the halfway point of his daily walk, and slowed down to a stroll to appreciate its twilit beauty. Fittingly, in that moment when he was spellbound by nature’s intoxicating display, another sort of beauty happened upon him. He heard the hard, quick footsteps of someone running at a high pace. Turning to his left to look behind him, John started moving from the right edge of the path onto the grass, so that the jogger could pass him. He was, thus, completely unprepared when something jostled his right hip, and his arms pinwheeled futilely as he unsuccessfully struggled to keep his balance. His feet slipped out from under him, and with the sound of a hammer tenderizing a steak, he fell to the concrete, landing heavily on his side. Stunned by both the sudden change of altitude and the pain of landing, John was unable to process what had just happened for a moment, and his body roughly sorted itself out. Hands – not scraped by the sidewalk; they had not been able to switch from “regain balance” to “mitigate impact” mode in time. Right hip – fine; he hadn’t been hit hard by the jogger, he was just off balance and braced in the wrong direction, expecting any impact to come from his left, not his right. Head – fine, so at least he didn’t have a concussion to add to his humiliation… Humiliation – the word stuck in his head for a moment as he studied the still-jogging-in-place form of the goddess who had swept him off his feet. Long, blonde hair, with a heart-shaped face that Helen of Troy would have wept in jealousy of, the toned, svelte muscles of an athlete, and an expression of worry. He realized that she was asking him something, not for the first time, and the worry in her face started to creep into panic – “Are you okay?” Overwhelmed, he asked himself – “What do I do? What can I say?”

John’s favorite pastime was the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He walked there at 4am every morning while the sky was still dark, allowing him to see the city in first light. Others were out at that time also walking and enjoying the city. He was getting close to Squibb Park when he heard heavy breathing coming up behind him. A beautiful, blonde girl bumped into him, knocking him over as she ran by. While jogging in place, the woman turned and asked if he was okay. He though to himself, what am I going to do now?

John enjoyed the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would walk there every morning around 10:00 in the morning while still dark to see the city in first light. He frequently saw others walking about and taking pleasure in city lifestyle. He approached Squibb Park when a young girl called out behind him. She was adorable and had blonde hair. She struck him roughly as she ran quickly by, causing him to fall to the ground. While jogging in place, she turned back in concern asking if he was ok. He thought to himself what am I to do now?

John’s favorite thing was to view the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would walk there early in the morning when it was still very dark in order to see the city in first light. Often he would see others there who were walking and enjoying the city as well. He was close to Squibb Park when someone came up behind him. She had a blonde hair and was damn beautiful and she bumped him roughly as she was running quickly by. He fell, painfully, on his side, and so the woman stopped, and was jogging in place as she asked if he was okay. So, he thought, what am I going to do now?

after 15 seconds that sure seemed like the longest 15seconds in John’s mind he replied, “its okay am good, where’re you headed by the way?”

added that last bit and i replaced a need to make use of the phrase “after a few seconds” with “after 15 seconds”. Thats “damn” good or what do think?

This is good. But I am wondering: Can you take out “would” which is not technically a “to be” verb, but does something funky with tense. I think it might be cleaner without it and maybe say “walked” and “saw”?

thanx carole! i think you gat point there. would definitely sound cleaner. cheers

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would walk there early in the morning when the sky was still black and halogen-lit orange in order to see the city in first light. He never spoke to the other morning walkers with whom he shared his ritual. Eyes on the sky, trusting his feet to negotiate the broken sidewalks leading to Squibb Park, he was knocked over by a woman in a yellow track suit with as-yellow hair as she tried to pass him. He gasped, too surprised to conceal a grimace at the pain from his side where it had met concrete. “Are you okay?” The woman had stopped moving forward, but kept jogging in place. What was he going to do now?

(…Hard to know what to do with the end. I decided I wasn’t that interested in projecting too much on to the story so I left it simple and ambiguous.)

I like the “halogen-lit orange” visual description. I could see it in my head. good description of the woman jogging in place. The fact that she didn’t kneel down to help reveals something about her character.

Wouhou ! I did it ! English is not my first language (meaning sorry for the bad choice of words and/or grammar mistakes you would not make) but I gave it a try with this first homework. I found out that the majority of the 7 words and phrases were hard to avoid but I’ll keep trying (as well in English as in French my first language).

Here’s my work :

John was in love with New York, moreover the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. Breathtaking ! He would wake up before dawn and walk his way there. He was not the only lover the city had as he crossed path others who, like him, loved having the city for themselves, catching its awaking beauty as everyone else still slept. He found himself near Squib Park when another kind of beauty striked him. She was moving fast, her hair bright as the sun caught in the breezy morning. She bumped him as she came up behind him. He fell. She saw him and noticed him struggling with his pain on the sidewalk and stopped. “Are you okay ?” she asked jogging in place. Her voice echoed in the empty street “Are you okay ?” she asked again but John still did not answer. He gasped for air but the words would not come out. The morning wing kept playing with her hair she had a hard time to keep away from her beautiful round face. “I fell.” he said, regretting such a blunt answer. But what happened next was worth a stupid answer. The woman smiled at him and as the sun decided to rise she helped him get back on his feet. “Where were you going that fast ?” he managed to ask. “See the sun rise upon the Brooklyn Bridge. Best view in the Big Apple.” “A shame you missed it.” he apologized. Again, she smiled at him and this morning neither of them saw the sun rise upon their favorite view but the city that never sleep witness something far more beautiful.

———————— I KNOW I used “something” at the end but the buzzer, well, buzzed and I got this home straight adrenaline rush so I apologize. Otherwise I pretty proud to even go with the work because all I want for now is to learn and practice 🙂

Wow, what a challenge!

This view of the Brooklyn Bridge always took John’s breath away. Walking along the East River, he watched as the first rays of the sun shimmered and danced over the city’s glass. The effect created a wondrous spectacle of light reserved solely for him and the other hearty souls willing to brave pre-dawn New York.

As he neared Squibb Park, the close pounding of footsteps jarred him from his internal reverie. The sudden collision surprised him, sending him sprawling to the ground. His right hip and wrist screamed in protest as they impacted pavement.

A curse bubbled in his throat, but died on his lips as he faced his “assailant”. The white blonde of her hair stood out in stark relief against her black hat. Striking features bore an expression of apology mixed with irritation as she continued to jog in place. The hypnotic effect of her bouncing ponytail commanded his total attention. He saw her lips moving, but his mind refused to process the words. Bounce. Bounce. Bounce.

She repeated the words again, their tone and force breaking the ponytail’s spell: “Sir, are you OK?!”

John stammered and managed to wheeze an affirmative as he thought, “Well, what am I going to do now?”

Great images! I loved the hypnotic pony tail. The “Sir” is a subtle hint that he is older than she is. Good image. Great rewrite.

John’s favorite view from the East River was the Brooklyn Bridge. Anytime he woke before the sun’s tentative rays lightened the sky, he walked along the riverbank to see the city in first light. He discovered he was not alone in his early morning walks. Once he was entering Squibb Park when he heard the hurried thump, thump of a runner behind him. As she flew by, the beautiful flaxen-haired jogger bumped him with enough force that he fell on his side. As he lay there in pain, she jogged in place beside him. “Are you okay?” she asked, never missing a beat.

Two questions entered the fog that was his mind: Is my verbal paralysis caused by pain or her beauty? And what am I going to do now?

Ask John to describe his favorite view in New York, and he will not hesitate to say it is the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He loves to walk there in the pre-dawn hours to see the city at first light. One morning near Squibb Park, a female jogger rear-ended him, knocking him down. Still jogging in place, the blonde beauty stood over him and asked if he was okay. The pain he had felt on impact subsided, displaced by a question throbbing in his head: What am I going to do now?

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. Early mornings, when it was still dark, he would walk there to see the city in first light. Other walkers were there for the same purpose. That morning a beautiful, blonde woman came up behind him near Squibb Park. She bumped John roughly as she ran by, and he fell on his side in pain. The woman paused and jogged in place, and asked him if he was okay. “What now?” John thought.

I’m not even sure whether to comment or not. But here goes.. (with all the mistakes and don’t dos you can possibly imagine!) I love reading posts like this one, because I do want to be a better writer, yet this is the first one I almost completely disagree with. I might come back in a year or two and give it a second try – maybe I’ll think differently then (oh, a mistake!). You probably won’t take this seriously, because I’m “just” a blogger. And for most writers bloggers aren’t writers. Yet we type, form sentences, share things, express ourselves with words. One of the reasons – definitely not the only one – (another mistake according to this post though…) I’m blogging, because I do want to improve my writing, because I want to write a book one day (is one day to vague too?). I love details when I write, I love being blunt sometimes too. I agree with point 3 and 5 completely. I kind of agree with 7 too… But I don’t really understand why you should cut the other ones out of your writing? 1. “One of”. It’s not about taking a stand – it’s about implementing, there are many other options. One of the reasons I’m writing….. One of the best days of my life…. (You cannot really say whether your first child birth or the second was better, now can you?). One of my biggest dreams (I do have many and I don’t prioritise them that scrumptiously). 2.”Some”. I might agree with you to some extent, but then again – not really. To be honest I like using “somewhat” so I can add this feeling of not knowing really what is it all about, and I love reading that too in other people’s writings. Why? Because I can immediately merge my own experiences and feelings and connect to that sentence, thought, paragraph. It gives my – as a reader – my own choice to add what I “might” be feeling, and still be reading something a different person wrote. 4. As cj mckinney has already pointed out, neither of those is weaker or stronger. It’s a completely different time aspects. 6. I love adverbs! I love love love them! This might be my personal style, but I couldn’t live without them and would never ever cut them out. I think they add a certain flow and dynamic to a sentence. Besides, you cannot always describe every single moment or detail. Also, I like how cut off it sometimes feels. It adds a nice touch. This point probably being the one I disagree with you the most by the way…! I’m just politely saying (oops, another mistake!).

You might say I’m the worst (not even one of the worst) writer ever and should not be writing at all, but on this – I’m taking a stand. Still, a great read!

Interesting point. I’m thinking that these rules aren’t relevant to blogging because blogging tends to be in the first person. If I’m a blogger, opining to others, it’s gonna be important that I remain open, uncommitted. Hence the need for ‘some’, ‘one of’ etc. Whereas, in fiction, the narrative is all sewn up by the writer. It’s a different dynamic: less of a dialogue with the reader.

I’m getting myself a good night sleep and doing the rewrite challenge too! Fear the mistakes that are coming your way 🙂

Add to this my current pet peeve: sentences that start with “what,” as in “What he said was …” instead of “He said.” That an easy but painfully frequent edit.

Good one, Jim. Thanks!

John, along with others, enjoyed walking along the East River in the darkness of early morning to observe his favorite view of the Brooklyn Bridge and the city at first light. Near Squibb Park, a beautiful blond jogger bumped him as she passed by causing him to fall on his side. As he grimaced with pain, he noticed she stopped and jogged in place. “Are you okay,” She asked with a friendly smile. Suspecting a provocative motive, he thought, “What should I do now.”

I enjoyed this exercise, but in reading others, I feel I may have misunderstood the point. I failed to end with the question mark, so be it. I appreciate how others expanded the story with enthusiasm. I agree with those who advocate simply striking words because an expert advises is often counter-productive in creating interesting work. I am published, but feel inadequate when compared with others. Writing is an amazing challenge.

Thank you for the insight. I know I am guilty of over-using a few words/phrases here and there. You give a lot of great examples on how to get out of those ruts.

John’s favorite activities are walking the early morning to see a view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He gets up in anticipation to see the morning sunrise. He often was not the only person there who were walking and enjoying the city. While walking near Squibb Park John noticed a person walking near him. The first attribute he noticed was her blonde hair, she was beautiful, and she bumped him as she was running. He fell, painfully, and so the woman stopped, and was jogging in place as she asked if he was okay. He thought, nervously, what am I going to do now?

God I love the view of the Brooklyn Bridge thought John, his 6’2″ frame covering the ground at a pretty good pace for a man his size. It was still as dark as pitch but that was the whole point. This early he could see the sun come up showering the city in first light. Of course he wasn’t alone – not this morning or any other morning. Others were enjoying it with him. No not with him as such, but sharing the same airspace.

Just a stone’s throw from Squibb Park he heard running footsteps and rapid breathing. Sounds like a woman he thought. Nothing to fear then. Muggers are rarely female. He caught a glimpse of her stunning face and platinum blonde hair as she brushed past him at speed. He was caught off guard – he knew he was staring at her mouth open like a demented fish – and fell flat on his face.

‘Oh my God,’ she stopped to help him up. ‘I’m so sorry…are you hurt?’

Only my pride he thought. ‘No I’m fine thank you.’

30 years of writing, best advise ever.

Thank you Dano!

John’s favorite view of Brooklyn Bridge was from the east river. He could walk there in the still-darkness of the early morning and see the splendor of the city at dawn. Plenty of other people also enjoyed the view from the east river. As he neared Squibb Park, he sensed a jogger behind him. Before he could step aside, the jogger slammed right into him. John took an awkward spill and glared at the bleached-blonde woman responsible. She had a genuine look of concern on her fine-boned face. Jogging in place, she asked, “Are you all right?” Despite the pain in his hip, John was so mesmerized by her grace and beauty that he didn’t know what to do next.

What I took away from the article is that when/if you break rules, you’d best have a good reason.

No adverbs? No “to be” verbs? For heaven’s sake, that’s how we SPEAK! Sigh. Articles like these are part of the reason there’s too much nit-picking writer noise of DOs and DON’Ts. The story will be written as it NEEDS to be told, otherwise the MS reads like everyone else’s: flat, no life, no character. What if the character says everything in these rules you say not to, then what? That adds color to one’s work, if need, so be it. It’s about the STORY, not necessarily HOW that story is built.

Yes, thank you! I’m so tired of the “Do this, don’t do this, do that, you can’t do it that way!” in writing! Just write the story and let your voice be heard! If we were all the same, we’d be absolutely boring. And how many authors have gone to college and studied writing and literature? Not that many. Most of us grab whatever time we are allowed in our busy lives to get our stories written, and to see pretentious rules… I just wonder how many people have given up because they can’t hold to those oh so high standards?

Ugh. I hate these things. They say to do this, but ALL of these words and phrases are acceptable and even expected in casual dialogue and no one ever mentions that. And sometimes, when you’re really in deep POV with a character getting their internal thoughts, these words pop up to. Or what about hypothetical questions? What if my character is casually questioning things? They can’t use casual speech? These posts are frustrating.

Of course RA. I could have included that in my caveat, but I didn’t think I needed to mention that dialogue or narrative doesn’t necessarily follow the best practices of good writing. Thank you for pointing this out though. Perhaps I need to add that there.

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. Each morning he timed his pre-dawn jog along the river, beholding the city as it emerged from night’s embrace, yawning to life. He relished the presence of others on the river-walk, fellow members of a secret society who moved through the dark, content in knowing only they witnessed the raw beauty of the coral dawn. As he jogged past the soapstone bench at Squibb Park, light, graceful footsteps sounded close behind him. A young woman bumped past, absorbed in her steady stride. John noticed the sun’s first light shimmering her long, blonde hair as she made inadvertent contact with him. He lost focus on his jogging, forgot himself and lost his balance. He fell to the pavement on his side and cried out. The young beauty stopped and turned, jogging in place. A melodic voice spoke to him as he squinted in the morning light. “Are you okay?” Her words drifted down to him. He groaned, feigning pain, stalling for time, contemplating his next move.

When you remove the words “one of” from your vocabulary, you sound breathless, hyperbolic, and considerably less believable. One of the most important writing rules is to be specific. It is not necessarily the most important writing rule. In nonfiction, for instance, it is more important to be accurate.

Two more words that should be avoided – Just and Sudden

“very” good points. this, actually, is a good go-to post. thanks for the pointers.

Just is also a big one. It weakens the strength of your arguments or statements. “I just wanted to ask you how you’re doing.” “How are you doing?”

Thanks @joebunting:disqus – that was a fun exercise at the end of a long day (good tips too – caveats accepted).

John’s favourite view was of Brooklyn Bridge from East River at sunrise. Few were out enjoying the city at that time. He was near Squibb Park when a woman shoved him from behind as she sprinted by.

He fell on his side in agony.

The woman turned, jogging on the spot. “Are you okay?”

Looking up at the beautiful blonde, he had only one thought.

“Now what shall I do?”

Another brilliant word to get rid of is ‘that’ and ‘then’. The sentence normally always makes sense without them. Example:

I have noticed that you like to read books.

I have noticed you like to read book I noticed you like reading books

John often walked to the Brooklyn Bridge near the East River early in the dark morning hours in order to see the city at first light. He saw others out for the same pleasure. One day, as he walked near Squibb Park, a blonde, beautiful woman came too close and knocked him down as she jogged by. He fell on his side. She slowed to inquire about his condition. He wondered how he might make the right approach from his awkward position.

Thanks Joe. Excellent instruction.

Be gentle, please. This is my first post.

John strolled in darkness to the East River; the air was chill and pleasantly damp. He revelled as First Light trailed her tender fingers over the curves of Brooklyn Bridge.

Near Squibb Park something or someone bodyslammed him to the ground. Fearing a mugger his relief at seeing the jogging woman was massive. She had navigated a U turn, and returned to issue a concerned apology as she jogged in place. Captured in the fine net of her wheaten hair John could only manage a painful croak.

The view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River never failed to inspire John. He made it a priority to walk before sunrise to enjoy the sight of the city waking to first light as did the other folks he passed in the dark. Approaching Squibb Park an inattentive female jogger collided sent him sprawling. Lying on his bruised side he looked up at the beautiful blonde, jogging in place as she asked if he was okay. Bewildered, John thought, What do I tell her?

John slowed down as he reached the ideal point to view the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River, near Squibb Park. This was one of the best views in the city. He left his apartment before dawn to catch the first-light sight of the city. One young couple, strolled hand in hand from the other direction. John shivered a little in the pre-dawn chill. He walked here twice each week, usually on Mondays and Wednesdays. Fewer people showed up on those days. Dark city silhouettes gradually changed to slate blue and indigo as the sky overheard shifted from gray to blue. On the horizon, peach gave way to violet where the sun’s blasts of rose reached higher in the sky. First green, then blue, and finally warmer, softer hues showed up as trees, buildings, signs, and cars. Birds created a chorus that reached its crescendo for the day. The show was at its peak. He put his coffee cup to his lips for that first hot, bitter taste. Feet hit the pavement at a fast pace behind him. He turned to see a vision far superior to the city at daybreak. An exquisite woman bounded toward him. Her Nordic-blond hair was caught up in a loose ponytail and escapee curls bounced near her flushed cheeks and periwinkle-blue eyes. He felt stunned. Was she even real? He fumbled his coffee and jumped back as the liquid headed for his chest instead of his mouth. Bam. Her shoulder hit him as he struggled with his coffee and sent him sideways to the ground. His right knee hit first at an awkward angle. Pain seared through the joint and he groaned. He massaged his knee, and hoped he could stand. He looked past his knee, mesmerized by the long, gorgeous legs in front of him. They jogged in place. He blinked and looked up into the radiant face of their owner. Miss Nordic-beauty’s brows were drawn together in worry. She slowed her jog. “Are you okay?” she asked. He didn’t know if he was okay. John’s heart pounded in his ears and his hands felt damp. He wiped them on his pants. He felt he already knew her, even though he was certain this was their first encounter. It was impossible to forget a face like hers. Cupid’s arrow and her shoulder had hit him at the same time. He wondered, what do I do now?

Excellent exercise! It took me a while to actually SEE what I was writing, even though I was on a mission to write without adverbs and imprecise words, I located a couple that sneaked through.

I did this again, just to see if I could limit it to one paragraph:

John’s favorite view of the Brooklyn Bridge is at first light from the East River. Other people strolled or jogged the same route he took, to take in the same extraordinary view that he had discovered half a century ago. He only had a quarter of a city block left to walk before he could sit on his favorite bench at Squibb Park when he the heard rapid steps of a runner heading toward him from behind. He began to turn toward the runner, but was knocked to the ground by the velocity of a gorgeous platinum blond as she past him. Pain burned through his elbow and hip. At age eighty-eight, a broken hip translated to a death sentence. The woman stopped and jogged in place while she asked him if he was okay. Couldn’t she stop jogging long enough to get a clue or help? She didn’t look as beautiful to him now, just shallow and careless. He wondered what to do if his hip was broken.

John’s favorite relaxation technique is gazing at the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. Each weekday morning, he loves to catch a glimpse of the city just before sunrise. A man wearing a suit coat and his bride in her lavender shawl look distinguished. The couple chats like children along the walk on their way to breakfast at the small diner at the end of the trail. Today, at Squibb Park, a woman with florescent yellow hair bumped into him. Her purple shoes flew by. He saw them as his head hit the ground. In a blur, she appeared to help him back up. Her feet pulsed and her breath jumped as she asked, “You alright, Mate?” John stood stunned.

Joe, this is absolutely wonderful! I love your honesty too. It’s vital for us writers to truly labor over what we’re saying, and – more importantly – how we’re saying it. Gonna put these tips to use ASAP!

good points. I learned.

Get the hemmingway app then it’s easy!

John’s walks to the East River in the morning, still dark outside, to see his favorite view of the cities Brooklyn Bridge in first light. Others walk and enjoy the city near Squibb Park. A blonde and beautiful woman ran quick and bumped him from behind. John fell down in pain on his side. The woman stopped and jogged in place. She asked him if he was okay, and he wondered what to do next.

John’s favorite obsession was the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would walk there early in the morning when it was still dark in order to capture the scenic city in the first light. He would see others there who walked and enjoyed the city as well. He was near the Squibb Park, when an elegant woman came up behind him. She had blonde hair and was beautiful. She bumped him and knocked him down hard on the stone paved road, as she ran by. He had fallen on his side, all injured. The woman stopped jogging all of a sudden and inquired if he was alight. He thought rubbing the blood stained jaw, “What shall I do now”.

One of my personal pet peeves is the modern writer’s over use of the conjunctive form of ‘as’. As he left the house, Tom thought . . . She put down the paper as she . . . He laughed as he . . .

Jane Austen’s characters never ‘ased’, and neither did Dickens’ or Twain’s characters. Jeeves would have advised Wooster to put all ‘ases’ aside and surely Sherlock would have told Watson to shoot any lurking in the shadows. Tolkien’s orcs, Well’s martians, and Nabokov’s Humbert Humbert, disgusting and depraved creatures all, yet they did not sink to ‘asing.’

But modern writers cannot seem to produce a chapter without succumbing to the lures of the sentence deadening ‘as.’ As they continue to write using this word in its conjunctive form, slowing the pace of their sentences even as their readers yawn as they consider whether the book is worth finishing, modern writers will not find their works remaining in print even as they manage to write more stories in number, for as they apply dull language and as they fail to create finer art, they will have their works rejected as future generations look for better authors to read and emulate.

I gave it my best shot. This exercise was a lot harder than I thought it’d be!

John hurried down the path through pools of shadow. He avoided slow dog-walkers and other early-morning meanderers as he made his way through Squibb Park. Sunrise over the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River was a sight to behold and his favorite way to begin the day. He didn’t want to miss it. Intent on his goal, John didn’t notice the rapid patter of footsteps behind him. He was roughly jolted out of his reverie and knocked to the ground. His leg twisted under him at a painful angle, gravel dug into his palms as he tumbled to his side. John glared up at his assailant. The angry words he’d been about to shout faded away; he forgot his bleeding hands and the agony of his (probably) broken leg. She was gorgeous! Her pale pony tail bounced up and down as she jogged in place, her lovely face contrite. “Are you okay?” Excruciating pain and love at first sight made for a strange emotional cocktail. He had no idea how to answer her question.

Nice try but I did see three to-be verbs and one adverb. Nice story-telling tone and flow though.

Thanks, Joe. I’m going to spend a lot of time memorizing this so I can keep them from weakening my writing. Until I absolutely need to break the rules of course.

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He walked there early in the morning before the peek of dawn in order to see the city in first light. He was never alone in his morning walk, joined by others enjoying the view. One his way to Squibb Park, he felt a push from behind and tumbled to the ground. He looked up and saw a beautiful woman staring back at him. Her blonde ponytail swung behind her as she jogged in place and ask if he was okay. He thought, What a great way to break the ice. By breaking my back.

I’m late to the party, but here’s my quick bit:

The view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River was John’s favorite. Every Sunday morning before dawn, he would stroll down the rocky path to savor the sight of the first light flooding the city. Others walked about and enjoyed the sight as well. He leaned against a tall oak tree as a young woman dashed behind him. Her honey silk hair highlighted her exquisite soft features. She slammed into him and he crashed to the ground. She slowed a bit, but not fully: she still jogged in place. “Are you okay?” What’s going to happen now, he thought.

One of John’s favorite things was the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would sometimes walk there early in the morning when it was still very dark in order to see the city in first light. Often he would see others there who were walking and enjoying the city as well. He was somewhere near Squibb Park when someone came up behind him. She had really blonde hair and was very beautiful and she bumped him roughly as she was running quickly by. He fell, painfully, on his side, and so the woman stopped, and was jogging in place as she asked if he was okay. So, he thought, what am I going to do now?

Wrong post.

John’s favorite view of the Brooklyn Bridge was from the East River. He’d walk there early in the morning, before dawn, to witness the city gradually come to light with the rising sun. It was not uncommon for him to see several early risers who, like him, enjoyed the sight of dawn falling upon the city in the morning. He was near Squibb Park, when a woman, on her morning run, clumsily bumped into him from behind and knocked him down onto the cold solid concrete. He thought for a minute that his rib may have cracked under the weight of his own body. The woman stopped moving in a forward direction but continued to jog in place so as not to interrupt her rhythm. She turned to John and in a tone that seemed almost sincere, asked if he was okay. As he looked up at the individual who had caused this embarrassing tumble, he found himself at a loss for words. This woman was magnificent. He might even go so far as to say that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. The sun shone off her golden champagne colored hair and her radiant blue eyes bore into his soul. As he searched for words, he noticed her cheek bones were naturally blushed from running and she had perfect, pink heart shaped lips. It was as if Michelangelo himself had painted this woman and brought her to life, right here, in front of him. She continued to jog in place with a curious look on her face as John still said nothing. He thought, What do I do now?

John loved the view of Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He liked to walk there early in the morning to see the city at first light. He would see others there walking and enjoying the city. He was near Squibb park when someone bumped him from behind and he fell painfully on his side. Looking up, he saw a beautiful blonde woman jogging on the spot, and he thought: what am I going to do now?

The breathtaking view of Brooklyn Bridge from the East River was John’s favorite thing to see. To see the city in first light, he’d set his alarm at five o’clock and run there when the sky was still dark, and the pearly moon still shone bright. He knew he wasn’t the only one enjoying the view, as he saw many people doing similar things. They seemed to recognize him after he’d started the habit. John walked the grey street near Squibb Park when he felt a presence behind him. Before he could even turn around, he felt a pang on his side. To make things worse, she fell hard on the street, his other side hitting a wall. he was about to shout at the person, but then he saw who it was. A woman with long, bond locks, pale skin and blue eyes. She might’ve felt the impact too, as she turned to face him, still jogging in place as she spoke, “Oh, I’m so sorry! Are you okay?” John was still processing everything that was going on at the moment, unable to move or speak. ‘What am I going to do now?,’ he thought.

John knew that from the East River, he could get the perfect view of the Brooklyn Bridge. He would often walk there when the sun was crawling above the waters, and enjoy the city in first light. It gave him gratitude toward the world when he noticed others staring beside him. It was then that he was gazing over the same gleaming sunset when footsteps sounded out behind him. Head turning, John met eyes with a jogger that had hair so bright the sun seemed dim against it. Spite found him when they clashed, and the concrete approached him quickly. Her jog was incessant, much to his disbelief. “Are you okay?” she said, her voice like a spoonful of honey with teeth indents near the base. What could he possibly do now? This jogger, although her words were kind, had caused him the most aggravating cramp in his side since he had last crashed his bike. That had been ten years ago– his twentieth birthday had been celebrated the day before.

The East River view of the Brooklyn Bridge is John’s favourite view. On special occasions he walks past before the birds wake, while it is still pitch black, in order to see the city in first light. People from all walks of life frequent the outlook, joining him in beholding the beauty of the city below. As he reached Squibb Park, a stunning, transcendent woman with hair as pale as the moon, roughly bumped into the back of his right shoulder as she ran past. John plummeted to the hard cement, landing with thud and a sharp pain to his right side. The ethereal woman came to a halt, but without fault continued to jog in place. Overwhelmed with embarrassment John thought to himself “what on earth am I going to do now?”.

John loved the view of Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He knew he shouldn’t but he found himself walking to the bridge, hoping the darkness of the pre-dawn will be enough to hide him from the eyes of others who enjoyed the sight of the city in its first light.

As the day brightened, John hurried, knowing that he had tarried too long. He pushed down his hat low on his head. He was near Squibb Park. Almost there. He sighed with relief when he glimpsed the gate to the park when he was thrust forward. Hard. Breath was knocked off him as he slammed onto his side.

Pain clawed him, darkening his eyes. When his sight cleared, she was there, jogging in place, dressed like a runner. Her hair melted into gold as sunlight hit it. She was breathtaking as ever as her lips curved up, cruel and cold.

“Oh, no,” she crooned. “Are you hurt?”

It was then that John noticed the others. They had found him. Tamping down the panic that clutched his throat, John glanced at the streets around him. What am I to do now, John thought as he silently counted the shadowed figures that closed around him.

Seeing this two years later I just wanted to mention I’m surprised “that” didn’t make the list of Words to Avoid? It’s a word I’ve always felt could be easily removed from a sentence 9/10 times and do no harm to it whatsoever. I find it’s overused and whenever I see it in my own work (I’m guilty of using it a lot) or in others I remove it right away. I can think of FEW instances where it’s necessary/essential.

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He walked there early, before the sun came up to see the city in first light. He would see others there who walked and enjoyed to city as well. Walking near Squibb Park, a woman came up behind him. She had blonde hair and her beauty took his breath away. She bumped into him hard enough to knock him to the ground. He fell on his side, and the woman stopped. She jogged in place as she inquired about him. He thought to himself, “What will I do now?”

How did I do?

John loved the 6 a.m.freshness of a new day. Sleep still held much of his beloved New York City in its warm grasp. His favorite bridge, the Brooklyn Bridge, was within walking distance from his cramped apartment. Three times a week, he began his day with a brisk walk to relish the warmth and beauty of the early morning sunrise. Like an artist’s deft hand, the sun beams painted the dull gray exterior of his bridge with brilliant orange and soft yellow. A smattering of fellow New Yorkers delighted in this early morning symphony of light and color with him.

He closed his green eyes as an enormous yawn escaped from deep inside his broad chest. He never saw the gorgeous, tall blond jogger. Instead he felt her when she crashed into him from behind. Like a rag doll, he crumpled to the ground, stunned.

“I am so sorry! How embarrassing! Here, let me help you up,” the jogger offered. She stuck out her gloved hand gripped John’s hand and hauled him from the cold sidewalk.

He stood, brushed off his barn coat and cast his eyes upon this lovely creature whose full face tinged red at either embarrassment or exertion.

“I’m John.”

“I know. See ya around John.”

great exercise

Fantastic cliffhanger at the end. Great way to get me wanting to read more!! Your writing is very expressive (if that’s the word”). By expressive, I mean you have a descriptor or adjective for just about every noun. “new day”, “warm grasp”, “cramped apartment”, “brisk walk”, “early morning sunrise”, “deft hand”, “early morning symphony”, “green eyes”, “enormous yawn”, etc. You get the point. There are lots of them in there. I’m not a pro writer but I just noticed that.

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River more than anything. He often visited the bridge in the dark hours of morning and admired the city in the first light of day. Others shared John’s passion. Like him, they visited the bridge and enjoyed the city view at dawn. Last Monday morning in Squibb Park, a woman on her morning run bumped John from behind just as the first light hit the city. The bump caught him off guard, and knocked him to the ground in pain. She steadied herself from the blow, kneeled and asked, “Are you okay?” The first light of day streaked across her face, and the sudden revelation of her beauty removed any words or thoughts from John’s mind. He even forgot about the pain for a brief second. For a moment, nothing else in the world mattered; there was only that face. With a bit more worry in her voice, she asked again, “Are you okay?” John didn’t know what to do or say, but he felt an unexpected urge to learn more about the person behind the face. His next words would determine if that urge was fulfilled.

The view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River was John’s favorite view in all of the city. He loved to walk there in early hours of the day for the view of the city in first light. He saw other people walking, enjoying the view of the city too. He heard someone came up behind nearby Squibb Park. Blonde haired, gorgeous woman rough bumped him running fast by. He fell with the pain on his side making the woman stop, jogging while she asked if he was okay. What I should do now, he thought.

John’s favorite view of the Brooklyn Bridge is easily from the East River. He walked there early in the morning, before the sun had a chance to gaze at the dark sky, to be the first to gaze at the waking city. Others shared the same passion for the site, and John often saw others walking and lounging as well. While he was at Squibb Park a striking blonde woman bumped into him from behind while jogging. He fell so hard the air got knocked out of him. The blonde woman stopped, and carelessly jogged in place and asked if he was ok. Annoyed and Baffled, he thought “What do i say now?”

Tell me how i did and how i can improve!

Fantastic post!! I’m BRAND-SPANKING-NEW to creative writing. I’ve been writing music for 13 years, but this is a whole new beast! I learned a lot from this and can tell this site is going to get me where I want to be as a writer. Now, be easy on me as you read this edit of the above passage lol. Good writing is not natural to me yet, so I didn’t bother with a timer. Also, I don’t know NYC, so everything geographical is just plain wrong! Now that I’ve run out of excuses…

There was nothing John loved more than the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River, especially at dawn, when he could see the city in first light. Every Sunday morning at 5 o’clock, stirred by the buzzing alarm, he got up and headed straight for the river, Bills coffee mug in hand. Undeterred by the darkness, he had learned every inch of the trip. He’d pass Old Moe’s on the right, to find Young Moe outside, sweeping the walkway for the first customers looking to get haircuts. On 43rd, the same little Italian lady walking her Yorkie on the opposite side of the street. She always waves. Construction ahead, caravan of school buses after that. Everything like clockwork, nothing ever surprised John on his treks. This morning, the alarm didn’t shake him awake, but so regular was his routine that his brain broke freed him from sleep a mere fifteen minutes late. In a dash, he made coffee, put on his sweat pants and jacket, and coasted out of the door. As he neared Squibb Park, right around the part where the air explodes with the smell of the fresh eucalyptus, he stepped on a piece of gum.

John skimmed the nearby ground, under the dim light of the still-not-rising sun, hoping to find a leaf, or perhaps a stick, with which to pry off the neon pink goo. Unsuccessful, and his ire rising, he gave his left leg a quick, vigorous shake. So vigorous that between the shake and the disorientation caused by the darkness, he lost his balance. But his reflexes were still sharp from his days as an athlete, and kept him from tumbling, though he stumbled a little to the left. Just as he was recovering, he heard a several quick steps, followed a panicked shriek from behind. A sharp “Ooh!” was all he heard before they made contact. The impact sounded like a pile of laundry hitting a linoleum floor, loud but not quite as damaging as it looked. John, in shock, immediately flashed back to his time playing college football, a relatively small tight end catching one across the middle, and being blindsided by a hulking linebacker. As he skidded along the sidewalk on his side, his eyes raised a little, and he realized that the voice (and the one it belonged to) was not of a All-American Florida State linebacker, but a woman, much younger and smaller than he. Her hair was the color of wheat, threshed and baled into a tight bun. Her face, beautiful and already rosy from her first jog in the new neighborhood, turned hot when the dust settled. She remained there, mortified but still jogging in place, and, covering her mouth with both hands, called out to the supine John. “Oh my God! Are you okay?” she asked. John, embarrassed but playing it cool, quipped, “Hell of a shoulder check you got there. And balance to boot.” He smiled and sat up, knees in the air and wrapped by both arms. She stopped jogging, panting like a bellows in Winter. John wanted to ask for help, but being too proud to ask the five-foot-two woman who just leveled to help him up, he just sat there, wondering “what do I do now?”

John’s favorite morning activity involved looking at the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. He would walk there in the morning hours before the sun rose, as he enjoys seeing the city at first light, relishing in the warmth. He would see others there who enjoy walking in the city as well. He neared Squibb Park when a stranger came up behind him. She had beautiful blonde hair. She bumped into John hard as she ran by him. He stumbled unbalanced and fell, landing hard on his side. The woman glanced back over her shoulder at him. Circling back around to John, she slowed her pace, until she reached his side. As she jogged in place, she asked if he needed any help or would he be okay and waited for a response. John ran a thorough check of any bumps or bruises, noting in his mind, the only harsh bruise he’ll have for a time would be to his ego. When John glanced up at the voice, he found himself in awestruck and speechless at the woman’s delicate features.

So, you’re saying that I shouldn’t use these words sometimes, if I want to be a very good writer? I’m kidding. “So,” “are saying,” “sometimes,” and “very” were used on purpose, too. I wrote a bad sentence purposefully. In dialogue there are a lot of times when many of these can or should be used because they are used so often in our own speech.

John so enjoyed the view of the East River that he frequently joined other sunrise walkers there. He was near Squibb Park when a jogger accidently bumped into him from behind and he fell painfully to his side. As the attractive, blondhaired woman stopped, still jogging in place, to ask if he was OK, the first thought that came to his mind was “So, what should I do now”. He wanted to engage in a conversation with her

Great advice that i will use. Thanks for the article.

Here is my try: John loved the view of the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River so much that he often walked there in the early morning. New York City never gets darker, quieter, or more peaceful than just before the first dim glow of light in the eastern sky. The view and the relative quiet of that time appeals to other city dwellers as well. John can see them stroll about or take their morning exercise. One day, as he approached Squibb Park, he heard quick footfalls behind him and just as he turned a beautiful blond jogged by and bump him as she passed. John spun to the ground in a painful heap. As he looked up the beautiful jogger stopped her run and, as she jogged in place, asked if she had injured him. Dumbstruck, he stared back at her worried face at a total loss for words.

John’s favourite thing is the view of Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. Even it is dark, John likes to be there at early morning to see the city at first light.

He could also see few others walking and enjoying the city like him.

When he was near Squibb Park, a beautiful, blond haired women ran quickly and bumped him from behind. Watching John fell on his side painfully, she jogged in place and asked whether he is okay.

John thought, “What am i going to do now?”

In the most romantic poem NEVER use the word ‘Love’.

John loved the view of the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River. Occassionally, he took a walk there during the wee hours of the morning, as he liked to see the city lit by the first rays of the sun. He found quite a few people who took a walk plus enjoyed the city’s view similar to him. As he neared the Squibb Park, a jogger came up to him from behind. The jogger, a beautiful lady with blonde hair, bumped him hard on his shoulder as she ran past him like a deer. Due to the impact, he fell in pain on his side which made the woman jog at her place and ask whether he needed help. John thought, What do I do now?

This is fine for fiction, but for nonfiction argumentation you need several of these terms or you won’t finish that all important Ph.D. thesis.

(Anonymous) John had the best view of Brooklyn Bridge from the East River, his favourite morning pastime. He walked along the river just before dawn to absorb its first light. Many like him, walked by, taking in the sights of the city, lost in quiet thought. As he rounded Squibb Park, a jogger knocked him down as she passed him. Doubling back while jogging in place, she asked, “You okay?” a blonde tendril falling across her forehead. Floored by her stunning beauty, he mumbled an unclear ‘Yes’ while thinking how do I keep her here long enough to get her number. His mind was a ticking time bomb.

The Best of John’s favorite activities was viewing of the Brookyln Bridge from East River. He’d always walk to Brooklyn Bridge early in the morning when the day still was dark in order to see the city in first light. John always would see people at Brooklyn Bridge walking and enjoying the city as well. John was within range of Squibb Park, when a person came apon him from the behind. The girl had a clear color of blonde hair and pictured as a beatiful girl that bumped roughly as she had been running fast by. John fell fast after, painfully, on his side, with that picture the girl stopped, and began jogging within her radius of space between John asking if he was okay. John responded without hesititation with a glance, “So, he thought, what am I going to do now?” (Don’t over comment, PLEASE! AND BE NICE WITH DIS/LIKES)

John’s favorite view was gazing down at the Brooklyn Bridge from the East River, drawing inspiration from the reflections bouncing from the city lights. He delighted in his early morning strolls before dawn to glimpse the city at first light, always looking for inspiration for his paintings. How he loved this city! He noticed others gazing at the river and realized he was not alone in his appreciation of the early morning view. John was approaching Squibb Park , absorbed in his thoughts, when he sensed movement behind him. He was suddenly struck from behind and fell on his side and felt as if he had been hit by a truck. After a moment, he looked up and saw a woman standing over him, staring. John stared back and noticed immediately that she had a long blonde braid trailing down from her right shoulder and was striking. He thought it odd she continued to jog in place. She looked familiar but his pain was severe and he could not think clearly. Was this the same woman he had seen jogging past him as he left his brownstone?

As John walked down the street to his favorite view of The Broklyn Bridge, he was struck by a female runner. He landed with on his side with a deep intake of the sharp brisk morning air, he realized how beautiful this woman was. Her hair was as golden blonde as the sun, eyes as brown as the soil of every living plant. A face so smooth, as it is sharp. She helped him up and asked if he was alright, he assured her he was okay. She then asked how close Squibb park was. He told her she wasnt far, to just follow the way she was going, and she would arrive to Squibb park in ten minutes or so. After she was on her way, John thought to himself ‘I hope she’ll run into him again soon’ and so he contiued on his way down to East River.

Quite a few comments here, thought I’d give this a try. I’m a noob writer considering a career in writing. Your feedback, critique, advice, etc. is most welcome.

John’s favorite view of the Brooklyn Bridge is from the East River. He would walk there early in the morning while the stars still twinkled in the sky as he quietly anticipated first light. Few others would be there at this time, but John enjoyed their presence as they shared a solitary walk through the city.

He was near Squibb Park when he heard someone behind him. John could smell her before he saw her; a scent of flowered gooseberries and warm lilac. As she ran by she bumped him, sending John lurching forward. He haphazardly fell to his side and stopped his fall with a heavy SLAP from the palm of his hand on concrete. This prompted the stranger to stop. She looked down at him with a faint smile and while jogging in place she breathlessly asked if he was okay.

John looked up at her, his shock and anger fading. She was beautiful. The first rays of sun encased her blonde hair in a radiant glow. John motionlessly noticed her naturally pink lips and asked himself – what now?

John’s favorite view of the Brooklyn Bridge is from the East River. On the weekend before dawn, he walked along the path to catch the first sight of the sun cresting the city skyline. Near Squibb Park, other walkers strolled along the path to enjoy the city view. This morning a blonde, female runner not paying attention ran into him at full speed. The impact knocked him to the pavement causing the ground to shake. The movement caused the runner to look over her left shoulder. She noticed John rolling on the ground. She jogged back over to him and apologetically asked if he was okay. As she jogged in place, John remained on his back embarrassed. The fall knocked the wind out of him and he was unable to respond. John thought, what now?

When I do rewrites, I try to restrain myself from adding too much detail. Overwriting is as obtrusive as lazy writing is boring.

I don’t know the locale, either. So on first pass, I’d keep it simple, maybe like this:

John loved to stroll on the bank of the East River and gaze out toward the Brooklyn Bridge. Early mornings he’d find himself walking that direction when it was pitch dark, then stand thrilled to watch the skyline emerge in first light. He felt a bond with strangers he met at such times. One day, on a path near Squibb Park, a woman with pale blonde hair in running gear sprung up from behind, jostling him as she blasted by. He lost his footing, toppled on his side, and exhaled in a sudden “oof!” The woman stopped to jog in place a few feet away. He took note of her delicate features as she asked if he was okay. His ribs felt bruised by the hard, uneven ground, and he didn’t want to move yet. “What now?” he thought.

Submit a Comment Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Submit Comment

Join over 450,000 readers who are saying YES to practice. You’ll also get a free copy of our eBook 14 Prompts :

Popular Resources

Best Resources for Writers Book Writing Tips & Guides Creativity & Inspiration Tips Writing Prompts Grammar & Vocab Resources Best Book Writing Software ProWritingAid Review Writing Teacher Resources Publisher Rocket Review Scrivener Review Gifts for Writers

Books By Our Writers

You've got it! Just us where to send your guide.

Enter your email to get our free 10-step guide to becoming a writer.

You've got it! Just us where to send your book.

Enter your first name and email to get our free book, 14 Prompts.

Want to Get Published?

Enter your email to get our free interactive checklist to writing and publishing a book.

Nine Common Weak Words To Avoid In Writing All The Time

Weak, poor, and bad words can dilute the power of your writing. Weak words to avoid in writing are usually fluff words.

Writing is not an easy business. It doesn’t matter if you write fiction or short stories or you are a freelance writer of blog posts and articles.

Choosing the best vocabulary and grammar makes the difference between an average and an excellent text. For most writers, many vague words that dilute your message are habits or tics.

These words often appear when writing your first draft because you are trying to get everything down as quickly as possible.

Article Contents

Edit out the fluff

When it comes time to start your second draft, you need to take the red pen, an axe, or even a chainsaw to your writing and word choice.

Fixing poor vocabulary can often be as simple as deleting weak words and phrases. While for others, you will have to rephrase your way out of trouble.

It would be easy to list hundreds of words that interfere with good storytelling or messaging.

But I will keep my list short and concentrate on the essential words and filler phrases that can weaken your writing.

I like to put these weak words to avoid in writing into three categories.

Weak words diminish the value of your writing.

Poor words have better alternatives.

Bad words are prime candidates for immediate deletion.

The difference between an article with a great point, a gripping young adult story, or a phenomenal poem is always about your selection of words.

Hopefully, the following three short lists with examples will help you make better vocabulary choices.

These words dilute good writing because they are usually unnecessary.

Using more words doesn’t translate into more information. You can make an excellent point without all these extra words.

Here are some of the most common weak words to avoid in writing .

Just is a genuine tic word. It is usually an adverb that falls out of your fingers when you write.

Just avoid using the word. Every time you see it, you should delete it as quickly as possible.

I was furious, so I just got into my car and drove off. Delete

I was so furious, I jumped into my car and drove off. 

It was just the way she looked at me that made me suspicious.  Delete

It was the odd way she looked at me that made me suspicious.

He could have just as easily told me he didn’t know instead of lying about it.  Delete

He could have easily told me he didn’t know instead of lying about it.

The word so is an adverb to intensify. It is also used as a conjunction to indicate a reason. But it is almost always the weakest choice you can make.

If there is one word you should always try to avoid in business or article writing, so is the one.

There are always many better alternatives.

So, please enter your email address in the form below. Delete

Please enter your email address in the form below.

So , I was going to tell you, but I forgot. Delete

I was going to tell you, but I forgot.

My boss was so angry with me when I broke the photocopier. Delete

My boss was furious with me when I broke the photocopier.

We only had a few minutes to change trains, so we had to run to the next platform. Delete

We had to run to the next platform because   (as) we only had a few minutes to change trains.

3. Something

Indefinite pronouns only serve to say nothing other than that whatever it is, is unspecified. You can always replace something, someone, somewhere, somehow, somewhat, and somebody with stronger vocabulary.

There was something about the way his eyes glazed over when I asked him why he was leaving. Delete

His eyes glazed over, and he looked completely lost when I asked him why he was leaving.

Somehow, I have to find a way to make them understand that they can’t stay any longer. Delete

I don’t know how I’ll do it, but I have to find a way to make them understand that they can’t stay any longer.

Someone next door must have seen the armed gunman and called the police. Delete

One of the neighbors must have seen the armed gunman and called the police.

Don’t use weak modification or intensification of adjectives because they add little value. Try to replace an intensifying adverb with a stronger adjective.

My favorite word to delete and replace is very. If you see it, there’s a good chance you can remove it because it rarely adds any value.

Marshall was very angry because his sister crashed his new car. Delete

Marshall was furious because his sister crashed his new car.

I worked all day long, and now the house is very clean .  Delete

I worked all day long, and now the house is spotless .

Mary and John were very tired after their long walk through the streets of the old town. Delete

Mary and John were exhausted after their long walk through the streets of the old town.

Often used in a similar way to very, but occasionally as an exclamation. In either case, it is one word that rarely belongs in any form or writing. You should really pay attention because it always needs deleting.

I really don’t know why I lost my job. My boss sent me an email and told me not to come to work on Monday. Delete

I  don’t understand why I lost my job. My boss sent me an email and told me not to come to work on Monday.

My eldest boy is really clever and always passes his exams. Delete

My eldest boy is brilliant and always passes his exams.

I should have taken an umbrella. I got really wet on the way back home. Delete

I should have taken an umbrella. I got soaked on the way back home.

Quite is another low-value modifying adverb. It is always a candidate for weak words to avoid in writing, and you can almost always replace it with far better alternatives.

Oh, it was a fantastic holiday, but it was quite cold at night. Luckily, we had a fireplace to keep us warm. Delete

Oh, it was a fantastic holiday, but it was freezing at night. Luckily, we had a fireplace to keep us warm.

We were quite lucky to find a new apartment as quickly as we did. It saved us a lot of money on hotel bills. Delete

We were fortunate to find a new apartment as quickly as we did. It saved us a lot of money on hotel bills.

It took us quite a while to get from the airport to the city. The traffic was blocked for miles on the highway. Delete

It took us ages to get from the airport to the city. The traffic was blocked for miles on the highway.

I don’t mean using swear words here. Bad words are those that confuse, are redundant, or offer nothing of any value to a reader.

The most common are adverbs ending in “ly.” I’ll get to them, but first on my list is a word that might surprise you.

This is one of the most overused and often incorrectly applied pronouns. Why?

Because it refers to the present and future and not to the past. When using a pronoun to refer to a noun that was in the preceding sentence, the correct pronoun is that.

You often use it to break up long sentences into shorter ones. But this can cause problems.

Also, starting a sentence with this, when it has nothing to refer to, is not effective or clear writing.

I broke my leg playing football. This is why I couldn’t go to work for two months.

I broke my leg playing football. That is why I couldn’t go to work for two months.

This will give you a laugh. Mary started going out with Nathan again.

You’ll laugh when I tell you the news. Mary started going out with Nathan again.

I know you studied hard, but this result tells you how hard it is to get into medical school. 

I know you studied hard, but the result tells you how hard it is to get into medical school. 

8. Obviously, clearly, and actually

You can delete these three words 99.9% of the time. You should use ‘ly’ adverbs sparingly in moderation.

Obviously , there was nothing we could do to help her get over the loss of her mother.

There was nothing we could do to help her get over the loss of her mother.

Clearly, she had made up her mind, and there was no convincing her that she might be wrong.

She had made up her mind, and there was no convincing her that she might be wrong.

Actually, I’m from France, but my mother was English. That’s why my English language level is so good. But clearly, I have a slight accent.

I’m from France, but my mother was English. That’s why my English language level is so good. But I have a slight accent.

9. Adverbs in reported speech

Another set of adverbs that you should replace with much more descriptive expressions is in dialogue tags.

“I don’t care what you think. You can’t get away with stealing money from your boss,” she said angrily .

“I don’t care what you think. You can’t get away with stealing money from your boss,” she said, as her face flushed with anger .

“Oh, I’m so pleased that I passed all my exams,” she said happily .

“Oh, I’m so pleased that I passed all my exams,” she said with a beaming smile .

“You won’t believe it, but I got a job with a prestigious law firm in the city,” she said gleefully .

“You won’t believe it, but I got a job with a prestigious law firm in the city,” she said, grinning with delight .

As I said at the beginning of this article, I could have written a long list of poor and weak words to avoid in writing.

However, the ones I have listed are all high on my delete or replace list when working on a second draft or proofreading a blog post or content marketing article.

Along with the dreaded passive voice , instead of using the active voice, all these words are an instant recipe to lose your readers.

Delete or replace them all.

Keep your eyes open for these words in your writing.

When you spot one of them, take out your red pen, or delete key, and give them the chop.

Never worry about your word count.

Deleting weak fluff words distills and improves your writing.

Related reading: Positive Writing Is Always Better Than The Negative

About The Author

Derek Haines

More articles.

How To Polish Your Writing In Five Quick And Easy Steps

Idiom Examples To Help Make Your Writing A Piece Of Cake

How To Write Articles For SEO That Will Rank On Google

5 thoughts on “nine common weak words to avoid in writing all the time”.

This was very helpful. I’m going to share these helpful tips with my writing class tomorrow!

Where have you been all my writing life? Thank you.

Well, I’ve been here a while now, Deborah. But happy to hear you stumbled upon the site. I hope some of the tips are useful for you.

Like Joe, I, too, am editing a manuscript. This is an excellent reminder. Some of those words have crept into it, I noticed yesterday. I’m in the process of deleting or replacing them. A great reminder of others I’ve not noticed, though. Thanks.

A timely reminder, as I’m editing a manuscript now. Thanks for posting.

Comments are closed.

Privacy Overview

Overused Words And Alternatives To Use Instead

Being a creative writer can be a lot of fun. Whether you’re writing novels, short stories, fan fiction, or even poetry, you can create worlds. Unfortunately, being a creative writer can also be really challenging. It’s not just difficult to imagine new things all the time—coming up with new and interesting ways to say things is also part of the challenge.

There are some words in creative writing that are terribly overused and common. Luckily, a good dictionary and thesaurus can work wonders on strengthening your writing.

So, we’ve rounded up some of the words writers most often use over and over. We’re not saying you should never use these words, but there are more interesting alternatives you might want to consider next time you sit down to write.

Want more tips on writing? Sign up for Writing Inspiration right in your inbox !

Writing strong dialogue can be difficult. Not only is it hard to write as people talk, it’s hard to incorporate dialogue naturally into a narrative.

Writers typically default to the straightforward verb said to indicate dialogue. This is not always a problem; readers tend to skim over the word without noticing its overuse. However, said isn’t always the only (or best) word you can use. For example:

He said, “She is really smart.”

She said, “No, she is not.”

He said, “Yes, she is.”

Zzzz … snoozefest.

There are lots of good alternatives for said to make dialogue a lot more dynamic and engaging. For example, you could substitute said with a verb like:

• articulated

Check out that same dialogue (from above) with our new words:

He asserted, “She is really smart.”

She retorted, “No, she is not.”

He concluded, “Yes, she is.”

OK, still not the most exciting dialogue ever, but you get the point.

Another verb that can be quickly overused in creative writing is moved .

It’s the most bread-and-butter word to express that a character is doing some kind of action. But, like said , it can get really boring. Not only that, it’s not as descriptive as some alternative verbs, such as:

The word moved can serve an important purpose, but if you find yourself using it too many times, try one of these instead.

Amazing is an amazing word. And it’s  so amazing how many amazing uses it has.

Is your head spinning yet? Do you really understand what we’re trying to say?

Amazing has the distinction of being not only an overused word in creative writing, but also in daily life.

While amazing initially referred to something that causes astonishment or wonderment, now it is used to refer to anything a notch up from “just OK.”

If you find yourself reaching for this adjective, try to drill down and really think about what you’re trying to express. Some alternatives are:

• unbelievable

Very is a modifier that we use all the time in daily life, no problem-o. On the page, though, very is kind of flat. It’s an adverb that’s used for emphasis, but if it’s overused it loses some of its punch.

Instead of using very a hundred million times in your creative writing (and definitely don’t use it more than once in a row, like “this is very, very, very boring”), there are tons of other alternatives you can use for emphasis. Some of our favorites adverbs are:

That said, sometimes it’s enough to let the narrative speak for itself. If you’re tempted to use a modifier for emphasis, go back over the sentence and ask yourself if it’s truly necessary. Sometimes a light touch, like  very , can actually be best.

Love is a wonderful thing. We love love. Who doesn’t?

But love is a word whose meaning is notoriously hard to pin down. When you’re writing about feelings of great affection, romantic or otherwise, love might seem like an obvious word to use. But we recommend using the word love sparingly, like nutmeg. Or salt. Love can be either a noun or a verb. If you’re using love as a noun, such as “I felt a strong feeling of love,” consider some of the following alternatives:

• infatuation
• appreciation

If you’re using love as a verb, as in “I love you,” we recommend some of these alternatives:

• be attached to

There’s nothing wrong with the classic love , but consider some of these options next time you put pen to paper.

Look is another basic verb that is often overused, similar to said and moved . In boring writing, characters are always just looking, whether at objects or each other.

But there are so many more exciting ways to describe someone experiencing something via sight.

For example, there are verbs like:

fAh, thing. We’ve saved the worst for last. No offense to The Thing , thing is like a lead balloon in the middle of a story.

We have an entire thesaurus (and dictionary of course) full of thousands of vibrant, specific, interesting words to replace the imprecise, overworked noun thing .

Next time you find yourself describing something as a thing , take another pass at it. Dig in deep and use a word that really conveys what you’re talking about. Consider if the thing you’re referring to is an emotion, a particular object, or an idea and, then, name it.

The thesaurus is your friend. Don’t hesitate to pull it up and take a look around to find the bon mot , the just-right word or expression, to take the place of thing .

Ways To Say

Synonym of the day

Words To Avoid In Writing (Including Rules and Phrases)

Have you ever found it challenging to understand someone because of how they were writing?

Like a messy desk, untidy writing can cause problems when someone else needs to understand what you’ve written. Removing unnecessary words and phrases ensures that your message is as straightforward as possible for anyone who has to read it instead of just for yourself.

When you’re revising any piece of writing, there are certain words you want to remove to make your text tighter. These should help speed up the pacing of action and dialogue and make your work more polished and professional.

There isn’t a definitive list for every type of writing out there, but some words tend to be useless and should be omitted when doing revisions.

Here are ten commandments to improve your writing.

Don’t use too many adverbs

Adverbs—those words that often end in -ly—are helpful but should be used sparingly. If a verb is not strong enough to convey the meaning you are trying to express, use a stronger verb instead of adding an adverb.

Don’t use too many prepositional phrases

Prepositions are words that often pop up before nouns and pronouns. Fortunately, there are ways to rid your writing of these phrases. If you can eliminate phrases like “towards the end” or “from the middle,” or any other prepositional phrase from your sentence, it will instantly become shorter and more easily understood by most people.

Don’t use ambiguous modifiers

A squinting modifier is a misplaced sentence element that could modify either the phrase that precedes it or the one that follows it because of its unclear location in the sentence. Move their positions to make them clear to your readers.

Don’t use vague pronoun references

When pronouns are used, they should always have something to “stand” on, which means no pronoun should be used without a clear antecedent (a noun – person, place, or thing). Making sure that pronouns do not go without a reference is a matter of paying attention to your writing so as not to confuse the reader.

Don’t use Comma Splices

To splice means to join or connect. Writers often use a comma to join two independent clauses or sentences together in place of a semicolon, period, or coordinating conjunction.

Don’t use Run-on Sentences

Run-on sentences consist of two or more complete sentences incorrectly connected without proper punctuation or coordinating conjunction. An easy way to identify whether run-on sentences are present is by noticing an abrupt transition in writing and then finding the error in speech construction.

These errors can either be long or short sentences depending on the length of each clause in the sentence and how much time it would take you to correct them. Regardless of their size, both types of run-ons need to be fixed before considering correct punctuations.

Don’t use inflated sentences

Clean up your prose by minimizing superfluous language that serves nothing but to distract and confuse. This helps deliver more accurate, straightforward text that reflects precisely what you want to say in a much more efficient way.

Don’t use excessive sentences

Shakespeare has rightly said, “Brevity is the soul of wit.” Use that as guidance by never using ten sentences when two will suffice. Avoid overusing words such as “that,” “just,” and “very” in your work because it will only make reading more difficult for the reader.

Don’t use “could of” instead of “could have”:

“Could have” is always acceptable; “could of” never is. Writers probably make this grammar error because when we speak, the contraction “could’ve” sounds an awful lot like “could of.”

Don’t use Tautologies

Tautologies are phrases that have identical meanings. For example, “Can you jump?” and “Can you jump up and down?” Both sentences mean the same thing. You can have a lot of fun with these kinds of phrases. Often, like non-tautology phrases, they add emphasis or leave out extraneous information: dilapidated ruins, close proximity, added bonus, large crowd. The list goes on and on!

Now that you know which grammar mistakes you should avoid, here is a list of words for a quick scan that might work as your cheat sheet when proofreading or editing:

All the time.  This is a redundant phrase, and avoid it all the time.

About.  Don’t use this word to estimate because it does not specify anything. Use the word ‘approximately’ instead. Or even better, use a range.

Absolutely necessary or absolutely essential.  The words “necessary” or “essential” themselves express the urgency of that matter. Avoid the redundant absolutely.

Add an extra/an additional.  The words extra or additional work as a tautology here. Avoid them to tighten your phrasing.

Each and every.  Don’t use filler words like “each and every” day. Use compact words, such as daily instead.

As yet.  This is an example of a filler that you don’t need in your sentences.

In order to.  Eliminate the excess verbiage ‘in order to’ and use ‘to’ instead.

Basically, actually, totally, completely, absolutely, literally, actually.  All these filler words are basically, actually, totally, completely, absolutely, literally, actually useless and frustrating to read.

Some.  This is an ambiguous word. Add specifications like something, someone, somewhere, somebody instead.

Very, really, quite, rather, extremely.  These filler words are really, very, quite, rather, extremely frustrating to read.

At the end of the day, at this point of time, at this present time.  These are empty phrases that don’t add value to your piece. Use specific words like “ultimately”, “now”, “today”, etc., instead.

‍ Simply, pretty, just.  You don’t need these vague words. Don’t use them often, pretty please. ‍

As a matter of fact.  This is an empty phrase that you do not need. ‍

For all intent and purposes, for the most part.  Empty phrases. Use those sparingly. ‍

Fly through the air, sit down, jump up.  You can write fly, sit or jump instead. The rest is already intended.

‍ Sort of, kind of.  Empty phrases. You sort of kind of don’t need them to write. ‍

Probably.  You are probably too smart to use such an empty word.

As a rule.  As a rule, you should avoid such vague phrases at all costs. ‍

Frequently.  Rhis is an example of a vague phrase that you should not use often.

With regard to, in reference to.  These are prepositional phrases that do not add much to your writing. ‍

Due to the fact, in fact.  Avoid using these.

‍ I believe/I think/ in my opinion.  This might be hard, but your opinion rarely matters in professional writing.

‍ Needless to say.  If it is needless to say something, do not say it. ‍

It is important to note that.  It’s important to note that your writing should be clean and precise.

‍ During the course of.  During the course of this article, we have learned what to use and what not to use. This is another example of a redundant phrase that you should avoid while writing.

In an essay titled  Politics and the English Language , George Orwell gave out a few pointers.

Here they are:

• Never incorporate a metaphor, simile, or other figures of speech.
• Never go for a long word when a short one can do.
• If there is a scope to cut a word out, always cut it out.
• Always use an active voice.
• Never use a foreign phrase, a jargon word, or a scientific word, as your reader might not be aware of those.

There you have it: keep your writing simple, brief, active, free of clichés, and to the point. Follow this advice, and you are golden!

Tomas Laurinavicius

Keep Reading

Writing Portfolio Websites: Top 10 Picks for 2024

Best Screenwriting Software for 2024

Best Novel Writing Software for 2024

Best AI Copywriting Software for 2024

• Terms of Service
• Privacy Policy

Best Writing is the all-in-one writing marketplace.

Best Writing

• Reviews & Testimonials
• News & Updates
• Twitter (X)

For Writers

• Best Writing Membership
• Writing Jobs
• Freelance Writing Projects
• Hiring Companies

For Business

• Best Writing Business
• Start a Freelance Project
• Writers for Hire
• Writing Services
• Writing Blog
• Hiring Blog
• Writer Interviews
• Writing Wiki
• Job Descriptions

Save £500 when you enrol by 30th September! T&C’s apply

• 15 Clunky Phrases to Eliminate From Your Writing Today…and How to Crack Down on Wordiness

You should also read…

• How to Write a Brilliant Essay
• How to Write Targeted Essays that Answer the Question

This problem often leads to clunky phrases, with unnecessary additional words used as a filler to help reach the word count more quickly; these words and phrases are usually redundant, read poorly, or take five words to say what could be said in one. Another factor behind clunky phrasing is the need to sound more intellectual; many students labour under the misapprehension that lengthening their sentences, and making their writing sound more complicated by using more verbose words and phrases, will make their writing appear more learned. It’s not the case, of course; it simply makes the essay harder to read, which defeats the object: a good essay should explain things clearly and be enjoyable to read.

To improve your academic English, you’ll need to get out of this habit and start being more economical with your words. In this article, we’re going to show you a few specific phrases that can be shortened or altered to make them more elegant. If word counts are an issue, you’ll find a section at the end of this article discussing other ways of reaching the prescribed word count.

Common clunky phrases

Let’s start by looking at some of the most commonly used clunky phrases. This is by no means an exhaustive list, but once you’ve grasped why this lot degrade the quality of your writing, you should have a good idea of what else to avoid.

1. In terms of

“In terms of” is a meaningless phrase often employed in speech, but it’s also popular with students who perhaps think that it makes their writing sound more academic by adding emphasis. “In terms of Bronte’s imagery, the author has some interesting observations.” A better way of phrasing this would be to turn it around and change the “in terms of” to “about”: “The author has some interesting observations about Bronte’s imagery.” It’s almost always better simply to use a single preposition in place of this phrase. For example, “the data is expressed in terms of a percentage” could easily be rephrased to “the data is expressed as a percentage”.

2. The fact that

Phrases that incorporate “the fact that” can virtually always be simplified. For example, “due to the fact that” can be changed to “because” or “since”, and so can “in light of the fact that”; “given the fact that” can be replaced with “since”.

3. Needless to say

This phrase, in common with “it goes without saying”, means “it is assumed”, that something is self-evident, or “it doesn’t need to be said”. The clue here is in the meaning: “needless to say” doesn’t need to be said, as the sentence will work perfectly well without it.

4. In order to

In most cases, the phrase “in order to” works just as well without the “in order”, with the infinitive form of the verb on its own. For example, the phrase, “In order to assess the author’s intentions” would work just as well if it read, “To assess the author’s intentions”, and no unnecessary words will have been used.

5. All of the

Many people make the mistake of adding the “of” after the word “all”, as in “I finished all of the cakes”. This doesn’t just sound clunky – it’s wrong. The “of” is only necessary when the word following it is a pronoun, as in “all of us” or “all of them”. When the next word is “the”, the “of” is dropped, so the aforementioned example becomes “I finished all the cakes”.

6. At the end of the day

“At the end of the day” is an idiom, and it’s therefore less appropriate to use in an academic essay anyway; but if you do find yourself thinking of using it, remember that this phrase takes six words to say what could be said in one: “ultimately”.

7. First and foremost

A common phrase to read in student essays is “first and foremost”, as in “First and foremost, we need to look at the evidence.” Since “first” and “foremost” mean the same thing, it’s unnecessary to say both: “Firstly” would suffice. If you’re tempted to write “first of all”, it’s also advisable to substitute it for “firstly”.

8. The passive voice

Though this is not itself a clunky phrase, its use is responsible for many a clunky sentence. Students often employ the passive voice when writing essays because they think it makes their writing look more intellectual. In fact, it makes it harder to read and less interesting than using the active voice, and usually adds unnecessarily to the word count. For the difference between the two, have a look at the following examples: Passive : It was decided by the authorities that a curfew should be imposed. Active : The authorities decided to impose a curfew. Rephrasing this from the passive voice to the active has reduced this phrase from twelve words to seven, and made it sound more interesting in the process.

9. Expressing possession

Another clunky wording arising from the complexities of English grammar is the use of the possessive, or the idea of something belonging to someone or something else. Rather than saying, for example, “the core of the Earth”, you could say “the Earth’s core”, which would sound neater.

10. It is important to note that

This is a fairly meaningless expression, the sentiment of which could be equally well expressed by saying “Importantly” or by leaving it out entirely. For example, “It is important to note that not all scholars agree on this” could be changed to “Not all scholars agree on this.” The second version works just as well without the clunky phrase that starts the first version, and it’s a much neater way of expressing the same thing.

11. In actual fact

Just say “actually”, or don’t use it at all.

12. Inasmuch as

“Because” or “since” are much better ways of saying this.

13. In excess of

This is a pompous way of saying “over” or “more than”. For example, instead of saying, “The site was occupied by in excess of a hundred people”, it would be better to say, “The site was occupied by over a hundred people.”

14. In the process of

This phrase is usually redundant, meaning that the sentence works without it. For example, “When you’re in the process of gathering data…” becomes “When you’re gathering data”.

15. Whether or not

It’s usually preferable simply to say “whether”. For instance, “The character had no idea whether or not she would be making the right choice” would become “The character had no idea whether she would be making the right choice”.

Tips for writing more concisely

We’ve now seen some of the most frequently used clunky phrases, which should enable you to spot others in the same vein. Some more general tips on writing concisely may also come in useful, as these will help you combat the issues that lead to wordy, inelegant phrasing and help you edit them out before your essay reaches your teacher. Here are our top tips.

• Ask yourself what you’re trying to say. Being clear in your thinking is a big step towards achieving clarity in your writing; if you aren’t sure what you want to say, waffling is almost inevitable.
• Read your writing aloud and see how easy you find it. If you find yourself stumbling over your words, or having to start a sentence again, you may need to edit to make it more concise and easier to read.
• If you read your work aloud and it sounds far more complicated than it would do if you were simply explaining something out loud to a friend, it needs simplifying. When you write, imagine that you’re talking to a friend. That doesn’t mean employing conversational English, of course; stick with a formal tone, but try to explain the concept as clearly and simply as you can, eliminating unnecessary words that you wouldn’t use if you were speaking.
• Re-read the sentence and cross out any words that don’t add anything to the meaning (such as “basically” or “actually”). This will help you distil the sentence to the bits that matter.
• Use words instead of phrases where possible.
• Weed out unnecessary repetition (“9am in the morning”, for instance, should just be “9am” because the “am” bit tells you that it’s in the morning).
• Use the “Ctrl + F” function on your word processor to take you straight to instances of the phrases we’ve discussed in this article. This will help you fix glaring clunkiness quickly.

And if you’re struggling with word counts…

At the beginning of this article, we talked about students’ difficulty reaching word counts as being one of the major causes of clunky phrases and filler words. If you’re having trouble writing a long enough essay, you don’t need to sacrifice neat, concise writing just so that you can squeeze in as many words as possible. Here are some other ways in which you can up the word count instead of using phrases like those outlined above.

Introduction and conclusion

Clearly, the introduction and conclusion are vital components of a good essay, but they also bolster your word count. If you’ve started writing your essay by writing the ‘body’ of it first – constructing the points and argument – don’t forget that the introduction and conclusion will add to the word count if you feel you’ve run out of things to say. While neither should be too lengthy, this is an opportunity to add information on why it’s important to think about the topic you’re discussing, to summarise the arguments you’ve discussed, and to give your own opinion.

Another way of boosting the word count of your essays is to define concepts as you go along. Even though you’re writing an essay for someone who knows a lot more about the subject than you, it’s a good idea to pretend that you’re writing for someone who doesn’t know the subject. This means defining concepts the first time you mention them, as this shows the person marking your essay that you have a firm grasp of what you’re writing about. In some instances, a definition may be particularly important because there may not be one agreed definition; in such cases, it’s best to acknowledge the lack of a widely agreed definition, giving a flavour of how definitions differ, and stating the definition you’ll be using in your essay to avoid any confusion.

Add background and context

If you feel that there isn’t enough you can say about the issue itself, you could add to the word count by explaining the background and context of the issue. For instance, an outline of the Industrial Revolution and its background would not look amiss in a discussion of certain William Blake poems, as this was going on at the time Blake was writing and had a profound influence on his poetry. The bonus is that you’ll also score extra marks for including context.

Quote other opinions

While you should be wary of quoting extensively from other works, it’s fine to quote a little or to paraphrase the scholars you mention. If you run out of things to say, you simply find another scholar who’s voiced an opinion on the issue and write about what they have to say on the subject. Once you get to university, you’ll probably find that you have the opposite problem with word counts, at least with a big piece of work such as a dissertation: you’ll end up having to shorten a piece to keep it within the word count, rather than worrying about reaching it. Hopefully the tips in this article will help you do this too. Why not print this article and put it up next to your desk to remind yourself what to avoid writing in your essays?

Image credits: banner ; Jane Eyre ; knitting ; cupcakes ; chickens ; dog ; crowd ; editing ; typewriter ; Blake . 

40 Crutch Words to Eliminate from Your Prose

• August 22, 2017
• Self-Editing
• 18 Comments
• by Hannah Bauman

Hello, writers!

Have you ever been self editing  and wondered what you can do to make your prose stronger? Or, have you ever received a draft back from an editor–a draft you’ve already gone over multiple times yourself–and noticed lots of deletions?

You’re not alone. We all use crutch words when we speak, and those words ten to transfer to our writing.

Crutch Words

What are crutch words?

In speech, they’re filler words that give us more time to think about our response. In writing, they’re words and phrases we’ve picked up or used for a particular reason, but we end up overusing them.

A good example is the word “definitely.” This is one of my crutch words. I’m sure I started using it in emails or other writing to sound positive. Something like, “I can definitely edit that manuscript for you” became the norm. Luckily, I caught onto my email crutch word quickly and now check my emails for it before hitting send.

Identifying Crutch & Filler Words

So, you know what crutch and filler words are, but how do you identify them in your own writing?

Grab an older piece of writing–an old blog post, early chapters of your manuscript, or something else you haven’t touched in a while.

Next, start scanning the text. Every time you see the same word or phrase, highlight or underline it.

Do the same thing but on a more recent piece of writing. If you find similar words or phrases being overused, you’ve found your crutch word!

Words to Eliminate from Your Prose

Crutch words will be different for everyone, but I have compiled a list of words and phrases I see being overused by multiple authors and bloggers, myself included!

But, I’d like to make a few notes before you dive in.

Note #1: Not all of these words are bad, and not every instance needs to be eliminated from your prose. Shocked? Think about it! If your character is speaking, they’ll probably use words like “a bit” or “just.” Dialogue doesn’t need to be perfectly clean because when we speak, we are all over the place. But for your narration, it’s good to keep your diction strong.

Note #2: When you search for these words in your manuscript, note how many times you’ve used the phrase. Did you use “as though” one time? If so, what was the context? Examine each usage carefully, and make a decision about whether it will affect the tone and style of your writing. Use your best judgment.

Note #3: Writing is not an exact science, and neither is editing. Rules are not hard and fast, and there is a lot of gray area. If you love one of the words on this list, don’t feel like you absolutely must remove all traces of it from your work. These words only become a problem when you’re relying on them all the time. Except for “shrugged his/her/their shoulders,” because that’s just redundant!

And now, without further ado, here is an extensive list of words to remove from your prose. Happy writing!

• Seem/Seems/Seemed to
• Appear/Appeared to
• Beginning to
• Shrugged his/her/their shoulders

18 Comments on 40 Crutch Words to Eliminate from Your Prose

• Pingback: What Is Self-Editing – Writing without Drama

I can understand words like basically, generally, naturally but it’s news about other crutch words. Nice insight Thanks

At the top of that list needs to be the emphatic use of ‘literally’. It causes me an irrational level of annoyance that borders on anger every time I hear it.

Thanks for your comment. Merriam-Webster and other dictionaries include a definition for exactly that informal use of the word. “used in an exaggerated way to emphasize a statement or description that is not literally true or possible.” You can see it here, including their FAQ on including this extended definition: https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/literally

My point is that while some words are crutch words, and while there are almost always ways to strengthen our diction, language and how we use it is always evolving. 🙂

Could “and” be a crutch word? I’m asking because people also tend to use when they begin a sentence.

Great question. 🙂 I wouldn’t consider “and” a crutch word since it’s a common conjunction. Of course, if you’re ALWAYS using ‘and’ without varying sentence structure or diction, it might feel repetitive.

Regarding starting a sentence with “and,” you can absolutely do that! Many of us were told not to use “and” or “but” to start a sentence back in school, but it’s not actually a rule of grammar. In informal writing, those words work better than their formal counterparts “additionally” or”however.”

Good observation. Most people have ‘and’,’like’, ‘you know’syndrome in their speaking. This is also very annoying.

Hi Hannah, thank you for this post. Do you have examples? I am not a professional writer but my profession requires me to write. I almost wrote “Do you have SOME examples?” The inclusion of “some” in that sentence would be a crutch word?

Thanks Lauren

Hi Lauren, glad you liked the post! I don’t think ‘some’ would necessarily be a crutch word there, although it’s not really necessary to include it. What kinds of further examples are you looking for?

What about the word “that” as I find it’s a filler word used way too much and unnecessarily. ex. “I find that the word ‘that’ is used too frequently”. Instead, I would type, “I find the word “that” is used too frequently” and eliminate the first “that”.

Great question! Yes, ‘that’ can be a filler word, though it is sometimes needed. When you’re self-editing, just be sure your sentence makes sense without ‘that’ before deleting it. 🙂

“It” can be a serious crutch word when something proper could be put in “it”s place. “He picked it up.” Vs “he lifted his mug.”

Yes! I’m also surprised “thing” and its cousins aren’t on this list.

Here’s a little more information on what words and when to remove from your writing: https://www.lorenweisman.com/2020/04/11/words-to-remove/ I think this is a good addition. For me, that’s the hardest part. Where people make do with 20 words, I write over 200. And I can’t help myself. But I try to watch my writing and not use clichés. Often I search for the most popular words – Word highlights these words in the text, and I try to find the words I can leave in the text or remove them. Such revision helps a lot.

A lot of people say ‘like’ all the time now and it can be annoying.

Another word over used is ‘absolutely’ especially my Doctor!

I didn’t know they had a proper name. I just called them ‘confetti’ words.

Oooo! I like that term: “confetti” words! Good one!

Is the phrase ‘I would say’ considered a popular crutch word/phrase when repeated at least three times in an article or transcript? For example: “We had a lot of, I would say, batteries that went bad over that period of time.”

It could be! It depends on the context, but in your example, it looks like a phrase that could be cut and readers would still understand the sentence.

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Notify me of follow-up comments by email.

Notify me of new posts by email.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed .

Grab your freebies!

Start working on your next project with the help of our library of free worksheets and printables..

You'll also receive a bi-weekly newsletter from me, the occasional business update, new freebies, and special editing deals!

• Translators
• Graphic Designers

Please enter the email address you used for your account. Your sign in information will be sent to your email address after it has been verified.

Remove These 30 Words and Phrases from Your Writing Now

Becoming a better writer is an art form. It requires patience, research, reading voraciously, and above all—practice. In the process, a writer's lexicon should be consistently curated, since words are the basis of the writing profession, and words that are vague or superfluous should be replaced with better ones or deleted.

If you want to sharpen your craft, here are 30 words and phrases to remove from your writing now.

Down, up (if following sat or stood)

In most cases when you see these two words following "sat" or "stood", it's superfluous. "She sat down in the chair" could be "she sat in the chair," and "they stood up to sing" could be "they stood to sing." The point here is to keep your writing as sharp as possible.

In many cases, use of "that" is either superfluous or incorrect. "The book that is on my bookshelf" could be "the book on my bookshelf" and retain the same meaning. "The night that we're going to the baseball game" should rather be "the night we're going to the baseball game."

"That" is also incorrectly used when referring to people. For example, "I have a friend that plays cello" is incorrect. You don't have a friend that plays cello. You have a friend who plays cello. In the same sense, "My aunt that is visiting from Florida" should be "my aunt who is visiting from Florida."

Said, asked, replied, whispered, demanded or any other dialogue tags (after the first few sentences of dialogue)

Instead of using dialogue tags, which slow the pacing of the story, reserve them for the first few sentences of dialogue then ditch them afterwards. After your reader understands the order that the characters are speaking in, they'll catch who's saying what without these distractions.

You can also use actions taking place between and around dialogue to help note who is saying each line. Consider the two examples below. Which one has the better pacing?

"What time is the meeting tonight," asked Steve. "I have no clue," said Terrance, "but they sent out an email this morning." "Yeah, my email inbox is swamped with complaints," said Steve. "Complaints?" said Terrance. "Don't ask," said Steve.

Steve stopped, knowing now why he felt like he was forgetting something all morning. "What time is the meeting tonight?" "I have no clue, but they sent out an email this morning." Terrance didn't bother to look up from his work. "Yeah, my email inbox is swamped with complaints." "Complaints?" At least now Terrance was interested. "Don't ask."

Think, thought, felt, feel, realize, wonder

Using these words in your story is a great example of telling vs. showing. You don't have to tell your reader that the main character is thinking something. Simply put it in italics to show that it's a mental process within the narration.

Or alternatively, state it. If your protagonist wonders whether the love of his life is gone for good, don't write "he wondered if the love of his life is gone for good." Instead, write the question: "Was the love of his life gone for good?" The fact he is wondering this is implied in the narration, so the reader sees what the character is wondering about without being told that the character is, in fact, wondering.

This is one of those lazy words that should be replaced with something more descriptive and compelling. Instead of writing, "She went to church" you could rather write "she drove to church." Instead of writing, "He went to soccer practice" you could rather write "he ran to soccer practice." See how that changes the image? Not only did you avoid a vague word, but you used the same word count to offer more detail for your reader.

This word might be more often used in nonfiction or blog articles, but if you're a writer, you should immediately strike it from your vocabulary unless you're using it to describe how someone else has spoken or done something.

While it's mostly used to add emphasis, when it's used for this purpose, it immediately implies that the other words you've written are not honest. "Honestly, I'd rather watch a Netflix show than go to the movies" is exactly like saying "I'd rather watch a Netflix show than go to the movies," except there is implication that you're only now being honest. Additionally, as mentioned for "that," extra words should always be removed for sharper writing unless you are going for a purposefully chatty, informal vernacular.

Absolutely, totally

While usually intended to add emphasis, these words are the epitome of redundancy and are almost never needed. If something is important, it's important. Making it absolutely important or totally important doesn't change anything. In the same sense, if something is essential, making it absolutely essential doesn't make it any more essential than it was before adding "absolutely" to it.

Very, really, rather, quite

These words are modifiers but should always be replaced with a better word to sharpen up your writing. For starters, they signal a young and/or inexperienced writer. If you're using them in dialogue between young people, that's another story, but if it's coming from you—the narrator—find a better, more engaging replacement.

For example, you could describe a "really beautiful day" or say it is a "dazzling day." You could mention that a road trip will be "very long" or you could rather describe it as "immense," "far-reaching" or "lengthy." Regardless of what you're describing, you will always be able to find a more suitable replacement for "very" and "really." If you choose the right adjective, it shouldn't need to be qualified. If you're stuck, simply pull up an online thesaurus and get unstuck quickly.

Writer and humorist Mark Twain had a useful solution to removing unneeded modifiers from your writing. "Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'. Your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

Florence King , American novelist, essayist and columnist, put it like this: 'Very' is the most useless word in the English language and can always come out. More than useless, it is treacherous because it invariably weakens what it is intended to strengthen.

At one time, "amazing" was just fine to use. It means " causing astonishment, great wonder, or surprise " and is used constantly in everything from slogans to speeches to social media posts to conversations about sports or the weather. Simply put: it's overused. Here's a list of less-overused words that express the same (or nearly the same) concept.

• Fascinating
• Unbelievable
• Mind-blowing

Always, never

These words create absolutes and can make your writing seem inaccurate or even closed-minded. To say that something always happens is to claim that you have an omniscient view of an incident, across locations, situations, and even time periods. Obviously, this is not the case.

Women don't always nag their husbands and dogs don't always torment cats. It doesn't always rain in Seattle and children don't always say mean things to each other. In the same sense, claiming that it never rains in the desert or love never lasts makes the writer seem unprofessional, overly confident, and simply wrong. That's why using these words in your writing should be avoided.

If this word is used correctly, it denotes something that happens exactly as stated, in the literal sense. However, you'll often see it doing the opposite, or used with a figurative expression (as in, "That literally scared me to death!"). If you "literally" thought you were dying, be sure that was the case before using the term. Or even better—don't use it at all and simply note how you thought you were dying. Rarely does the use of the term add important information and as mentioned regarding several of the words on this list, extraneous or vague words are best left unwritten.

This is another filler word that adds nothing to the meaning of the sentence, unless it is used to describe an action that is based on, or person behaving according to what is morally right and fair (the literal definition of the word). Think of it as sugar. It's best to leave it alone entirely, but if you must use it, moderation is best. It's nothing but empty calories.

Stuff, things

We've all met that person who overuses "thing" when they can't remember the word for the object to which they're referring. "Stuff" falls into the same category and neither should be used by writers who would be expected to have an above-average vocabulary. Be specific!

Irregardless

This is one of those words the majority will get wrong, since many who use it don't realize that its meaning is "regardless ." Although it is a word, it is nonstandard in that its prefix (ir-) and suffix (-less) create a double negative. Since its meaning is often misunderstood, combined with a double negative that's confusing, it's best to avoid using it at all.

Helping Writers Become Authors

Write your best story. Change your life. Astound the world.

• Start Here!
• Story Structure Database
• Outlining Your Novel
• Story Structure
• Character Arcs
• Archetypal Characters
• Scene Structure
• Common Writing Mistakes
• Storytelling According to Marvel
• K.M. Weiland Site

Most Common Writing Mistakes: Overusing “Suddenly”

Now, at first glance, “suddenly” seems pretty innocuous. After all, it’s just a little adverb. It’s so commonplace, it’s almost invisible. And it’s important. Unlike so many useless modifiers , it tells readers exactly how some important action is happening. It provides a handy bridge between two actions, the latter of which is completely unexpected.

What’s Wrong With “Suddenly”?

Here’s the thing about “suddenly”: it’s almost always unnecessary. More than that, it has this ironic tendency to mitigate the very effect it’s trying to create. If something happens suddenly , its very suddenness is proven by its abrupt occurrence.

Consider, for example:

The moon rose above the hill, pale and serene. I sat on the roadside and watched it shed its light across the hayfields. From within the trees, the smoke from my brothers’ campfire wafted, blue-gray, to join the last cirrus clouds of the day. I settled onto a fallen log.

Suddenly, from within the trees, a branch cracked. I sat up straight, and gooseflesh pimpled my skin.

At first, this doesn’t seem so bad. But what is “suddenly” adding to this scene? That branch certainly didn’t crack un-suddenly. It happens without warning. The character has been caught off guard.

So why is the author warning readers? Why not let readers experience the abruptness of the cracking branch right alongside the character?

The moon rose above the hill, pale and serene. I sat on the roadside and watched it shed its light across the hay fields. From within the trees, the smoke from my brothers’ campfire wafted, blue-gray, to join the last cirrus clouds of the day. I settled onto a fallen log.

From within the trees, a branch cracked. I sat up straight, and gooseflesh pimpled my skin.

By deleting “suddenly,” we maintain the scene’s clarity, while giving it just a little extra punch. The new paragraph and the strong verb “cracked” convey the abruptness to the reader by way of showing instead of telling . Readers probably won’t even notice when you delete “suddenly,” but they will unconsciously respond to the tighter writing.

When Should You Use “Suddenly”?

Does this mean all instances of “suddenly” should be hacked ruthlessly? Not at all.

“Suddenly” still has its uses, one of which is poetic rhythm. Sometimes sentences will simply sound better for retaining “suddenly”—but always double-check. More often than not, when an author feels the “suddenly” is helpful, it really isn’t adding much of anything.

You might also find “suddenly” useful in sentences that indicate a character’s abrupt change of mind. Compare the following examples:

“What are you doing?” Sam looked around, aware of how many people could overhear them.

“What are you doing?” Sam looked around, suddenly aware of how many people could overhear them.

In the first example, Sam appears to have been aware of the listening ears right from the start. But if your intent is to show he’s only just realizing the potential for eavesdroppers as  he’s looking around, then “suddenly” is just the trick you need.

Don’t be afraid of using “suddenly” when your story calls for it. But keep in mind you’ll be better off without it more often than not.

>>Click here to read more posts in the Most Common Writing Mistakes Series.

Wordplayers, tell me your opinions! Do you ever find yourself overusing “suddenly”?” Tell me in the comments!

Click the “Play” button to Listen to Audio Version (or subscribe to the Helping Writers Become Authors podcast in Apple Podcast or Amazon Music ).

Love Helping Writers Become Authors? You can now become a patron. (Huge thanks to those of you who are already part of my Patreon family !)

Sign Up Today

Related Posts

K.M. Weiland is the award-winning and internationally-published author of the acclaimed writing guides Outlining Your Novel , Structuring Your Novel , and Creating Character Arcs . A native of western Nebraska, she writes historical and fantasy novels and mentors authors on her award-winning website Helping Writers Become Authors.

One of my semi-crutch words in writing… I need to get rid of this habit!! Thanks for the reminder! 🙂

A handy trick for spotting overused words is to run a universal search and replace all instances of the word with an all-caps version. Makes it much easier to spot and reconsider as you’re reading through the manuscript.

This is exactly what I just did…the universal search. I think I found about 10!

I tend to overuse “smile” and “laugh” as a dialogue tag to avoid “he/she said”, so my characters are obnoxiously smiling and laughing throughout the story.

I am guilty of using suddenly as well as ‘then’ as in ‘then she…’ And most of the time I find I can get rid of it, which I do during revisions. I’ll know I’m really growing as a writer when those words don’t even make it into my first draft.

@Audrey: Don’t worry too much about avoiding “said.” It’s an invisible tag that does its job without readers hardly noticing it. Also, so long as it’s clear who’s saying what, you won’t need to put a tag or beat on every line of dialogue. Your dialogue will be stronger without it.

@mshatch: “Then” at the beginning of the sentence is a cousin of “suddenly,” and you’re right to delete it most of the time.

This is one of my favorite words I am ALWAYS writing out…or at least trying. Thanks you for the tips, these look great! Bye-bye suddenly, it’s been nice knowing you.

Kinda sad that it’s always our favorite words that have to go. :p

I’m lucky I grew out of the “Suddenly” trap early in my writing career. When I first started, I thought it was the ultimate word to add surprise and terror into a work. Now I don’t worry about that word, but I have other bad habits that I always need to axe in edits…

My most overused four-letter word is “just,” because I can’t seem to write without it. So I’ve made it habit to find and delete all instances of the word.

@Eric: Always amazes me how we can think a word is accomplishing something – when it’s actually doing the exact opposite.

@Janie: “Just” is one that plagues many of us. I got zapped for using it early on in my writing career. But it’s just so handy! 😉

I’m with Janie on this one. “Just” is one that I’ve been trying to kick to the curb for a while. Although, most adverbs are problematic for me, although I’ve noticed short phrases at the end of sentences are also an area I need to avoid, especially when they indicate the location of something that should be obvious. Like in that last sentence, “for me” would be edited out. 😉

And, come to think of it, “although” would be edited too. :p

Just read a thriller by a ‘best-selling’ author and it was peppered with the annoying phrase ‘he nodded’. I know we often nod to acknowledge others rather than verbally reply, but surely there are better ways than to have my characters constantly ‘nodding’.

I think I’ll go back to my final draft, hunt down “then” and “suddenly”, and kill most instances of them. The “suddenlys” that survive should be the ones connected to my main character, who’s notorious (in-story) for her unpredictability and is the type of character who loves to pull the rug out from under your reality; and even then, only when she’s pulling the rug out from under particular characters’ reality. This is related to “suddenly aware” and similar phrases, so I’ll keep it.

“Just”, however, is gone, fortunately. 😉

I’ve grown suspicious of ‘suddenly’ a lot lately, maybe because it is so conspicuous but was unsure whether to reduce its use or not. Your post confirms my suspicions. Thanks.

@Liberty: Living in a Twitter world means we’re all a little more aware of unnecessary verbiage. And that’s always a good thing!

@Ray: “Nodded” is one of those fillers that often adds nothing to a story. If we’re peppering your dialogue with nodding, smiling, sighing, etc., it’s probably a sign that we either need to just trim out the needless action beats, or replace them with beats that are more interesting and informative.

@Dennis: Just being aware of the words you’re more likely to overuse will help you to better decide which instances are worth keeping and which aren’t.

In 600,000 words, I use “suddenly” once.

“How does one survive when civilization is suddenly gone?”

One trick I use (because it is fun) is to search for repeated words using a word cloud of my manuscript. I attack any words that show up large. (Thing is, “Dragon” is usually large. I do not want to attack my Dragon. Attacking a Dragon is not a wise thing to do.)

Good for you! You’ve obviously got a handle on this one.

I tend to overuse “quickly”, and am always trying to find substitutes for it. 😛

I bet if you’ll just delete most instances for it, you’ll find you probably don’t even need to substitute anything in its place most of the time.

Thanks for this post. Knowing when to delete and when to use “suddenly” is something I have been trying to work out. Now I know. 🙂

The day I realised I used ‘suddenly’ a lot, I decided to replace some of the occurences of it with synonyms but I couldn’t find a many words to adequately replace it. The main synonym I thought could be used is ‘abruptly’. However as you say the best strategy in many situations is to try and do without it!

I’ve used “without warning” a few times, though as a direct replacement for suddenly it’s probably just as redundant.

I just did a scan of my 90,000 word manuscript. I used “suddenly” 8 times. 7 of those times, I am fine with it. (Whew).

“Just” and “Actually” try their best to sneak into my MS. I like Lester Crawford’s idea of using a word cloud. What a fantastic way to visualize at a glance the overused words!

THAT is a big four-letter word…

I’m pretty sure my working draft is riddled with “suddenly” (among other common word crutches, such as “just” and “then”). Le sigh. I love the word cloud idea. I’ve seen that suggested somewhere else recently, too, but can’t remember where at the moment.

Another great tip! As I read through my WIP I keep a hand written log of words that come up often. Once I’m done with this pass I’ll do a search for these words and delete (or replace if appropriate). I’m adding “suddenly” to the list! Thanks for the reminder.

@Jenny: Sometimes just having some simple guidelines makes all the difference. Glad I was able to help!

@sjmain: In replacing “tic” words, no matter what they are, I find I’m usually able to do without them almost fifty percent of the time.

@Phil: Sounds like you’ve already got a good instinctive understanding then!

@Bree: The Wordcount is another fun tool, although you can’t plug too much text into it at once.

@M.D.: Yes, rather mind-boggling when you think about it. 😉

@Gypsy: First drafts have the right to be riddled. It’s only when we start editing that we we need to start nitpicking.

@writingpiecesofme: Good idea! The problem with most word tics is that the author doesn’t even realize he’s overusing them. Easier sometimes to notice overused words when editing rather than writing.

I’ll have to run a search on this and see how many times I use suddenly. I’ve fallen into the trap of “wondered” and “thought” too often, so I wouldn’t be surprised if suddenly has snuck in unnoticed. Thanks for the advice.

There are more words than we can shake a stick at that are better *not* used, much less overused. Ah well, maybe we’ll have them all snagged by the ends of our careers. 😉

I too confess to overuse of “just” (and its cousin “simply”). But I usually manage to just simply strip them out during revision. Oops.

Great article. Suddenly is one of those words that writers often use in first drafts, when we are discovering the drama in our scenes for the first time. Not a big problem, as long as we recognize it as an instructive flag in later drafts. The flag reads, “Go deeper here.”

Thank you for writing such a thoughtful and thorough tutorial on The Problem of Suddenly! Loved it.

@Joshua: That’s all that counts! Pile ’em into that first draft, so long as you’re ready to hunt for them in revisions.

@Sarah: Great perspective. If we can see our problem words as indications of areas in we need to explore more deeply, they become win-win situations.

That’s eye-opening. Zinsser-esque editing at work. I can’t remember if I’m guilty of “suddenly” in particular, but I know I have other “crutch-words” and habits. Thanks for the great article! 🙂

Does anyone else write using Scrivener? It has a “most used words” feature that I find helpful for catching these pesky words.

@S: As soon as we get rid of one crutch word, another appears. It’s a never-ending hunt!

@Rhonda: I don’t personally use Scrivener, but I hear nothing but good about it. I use yWriter , which is similar, save that it’s free and lacks some of Scrivener’s bells and whistles.

I don’t think I use suddenly in my writing. My bad word is “that.” I spend a lot of time evaluating it each I use it.

“That” is another word most of us overuse without even realizing it. I always run a universal search in my manuscripts and replace “that” with “boomber,” so I’ll be forced to stop and evaluate the necessity of each instance.

“Just” has become the bane of my writing existence, but I can’t help it…I just love it!

Join the club! 😉

Oh, yeah, another wod, as “very” we usually overuse a lot.

Thanks for the post 😉

Yep, it’s very prevalent. 😉

Suddenly I realize I have this problem. Thanks, accordingly.

Ah, yes, it seems like this is a realization we all suddenly make sooner or later.

“However” is a hard word to knock, let me tell you.

Yep, it used to be one of my major tics.

Great stuff! I was in the middle of writing, and I “suddenly” realized my over usage of the word. (Sorry…couldn’t resist). Thanks for the tip.

Find/replace is always a good friend in situations like this!

I can still remember my fourth grade teacher hammering home, “Don’t use ‘all of a sudden’ in your stories. You can’t have half of a sudden, therefore you can’t have all of a sudden.” I’ve never forgotten, even though it’s been 58 years since fourth grade 😀

Great anecdote – and great rule of thumb!

When ever I have the urge to use ‘suddenly’ I write the sentence out and then write the fuller sentence on top of it, and delete the other one. It works as it lets my train of thought finish.

I’m spotting the over use of this word in many storys i’ve read on wattpad. And, even one that won an award. Should I say something or let it go? What to do? What to do? >_<

Unless you’ve been asked to critique or give an opinion of the stories, I’d let it go.

You must be kidding us. ‘Suddenly’ is not over used. ‘All of a sudden’ is over used.

Same difference, in this instance. 🙂

these are my top 20 most used words in my novel in that order.

the, and, to, was, a, of, he, she, her, in, had, it, you, his, said, I, they, that, on, with

nothing much to worry about here i guess. Any insights?

Yep, those are all basically “invisible” words. Look deeper in the list to find repeated words that are more unique and thus more noticeable.

Almost 6,000 words with one thing I’m writing, only used suddenly 3 times. That’s not bad right? 😛

I “suddenly” realized that I’ve been using “suddenly” way too much. Never would have noticed the 50+ times I wrote that word. Thanks, K.M!

I just learned about “suddenly” being a tip off to an amateur writer and immediately removed all of them. Also the word, “realize, feel and felt” with amazing results. Now my sentences are more informative and precise with words that better describe the scene. What a relief that I found out about this negative pattern before I went to publishing.

[…] It’s a four-letter word, and one even I won’t use. It’s overused and, therefore, almost never conveys the sense of urgency a writer is after. More here. […]

[…] That was my takeaway from that editing exercise. For an editor’s view on the subject, check out K.M. Weiland’s article. […]

[…] Suddenly does add something that may not be obvious. But, as I learned from K.M. Weiland‘s podcast, Suddenly has a sneaky irony to it. See, Suddenly is supposed to add surprise for […]

[…] “Suddenly” is not needed, pretty much ever.  Write your lines cogently and with economy, and the surprise will transmit.  Strive to strangle your “suddenlies.” […]

[…] K.M. Weiland has a wonderful post about the word “suddenly” that makes a point for itsel…Tldr; suddenly has the opposite effect of something actually being sudden. Chop […]

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed .

• Novel Outlining
• Storytelling Lessons From Marvel

As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Write Your Best Book

Check out my latest novel!

( affiliate link )

Free E-Book

Subscribe to Blog Updates

Subscribe to blog posts rss, sign up for k.m. weiland’s e-letter and get a free e-book, love helping writers become authors.

Return to top of page

Copyright © 2016 · Helping Writers Become Authors · Built by Varick Design

Stack Exchange Network

Stack Exchange network consists of 183 Q&A communities including Stack Overflow , the largest, most trusted online community for developers to learn, share their knowledge, and build their careers.

Q&A for work

Connect and share knowledge within a single location that is structured and easy to search.

How to avoid using "he/she/it" repetitively in action

I'm writing a zombie apocalypse genre book (yes, I know it's a heavily used and abused writing genre, but I'm writing it in my way, a way I believe is a good way). Anyway, I caught myself writing "he and/or Will" one too many times in the beginning paragraph. The paragraph solely serves the purpose of making time go by (as the highly contagious zombie virus takes a little time to spread), but also to give the reader a feel of one of the main characters and my writing style. The paragraph is supposed to have a little comedic value through how I write it and through a little vulgar language. Feel free to give feedback on that too. Here it goes.

Day 1 08:00 AM "Alright, I’ll pick up Jack from school after work, and then we’ll head to the supermarket", Mia said as she grabbed the keys to her car. "Okay, catch some bad guys then", Will said as he kissed his wife. "I will, you worry about doing the bare minimum on your day off", Mia said taking Jack’s hand. "I’ll try. See you later bandit", Will said hugging his son. "See you later dad", he said grabbing his Spider-Man backpack and heading eagerly out the door. Mia followed and waved as she headed out the door. Will stood silently in the middle of his simplistic abode and nodded to himself. What to do? He asked himself dumbfounded as to what he was going to do with the abundance of time he suddenly had on his hands. It wasn’t often he had a day off, and now he did. Will walked into the kitchen and poured some cheerios into a bowl, and covered it in milk, making them float like water doughnuts. He grabbed a spoon and started slurping the cereal into him whilst walking around his home. Nothing much was going on outside, he thought as he looked out of his window. "Wow, I have truly sunk to a new level of purposelessness", he said catching himself in the act of looking out through the window like an old man.

There's more text, but I think the writing is better in that paragraph and utilized fewer "he/Wills" in it. The paragraph isn't supposed to convey much information, rather just a little text to get you started and get the "action" started. It's supermundane and boring, but I thought it was necessary. But then again, I do not know, hence me asking you all.

• creative-writing

5 Answers 5

Ah, I also had this sort of problem, back when I first started writing. It's only natural, especially if English is not your native language.

Thankfully, it's not so hard to get past this, after realizing what you should be doing. After writing a paragraph, read it to yourself and look out for these little eyesores:

Try to eliminate all the pronouns he/she/it/they-said/saw/did something and so on, as much as you can. It is impossible to write a book without them, but keeping them to a minimum is a plus.

Just look at it this way - Instead of telling the readers what the characters are doing (which gives off the impression that you are just re-telling a story, rather than writing a book), try to show them what is happening through the characters actions/observations/surroundings/thoughts ( this is what I believe, makes a story come to life, and entices reader attention)

I'll try to give an example, using your paragraph:

Will stood silently in the middle of his simplistic abode and nodded to himself . What to do? He asked himself dumb-founded as to what he was going to do with the abundance of time he suddenly had on his hands. It wasn’t often he had a day off, and now he did. Will walked into the kitchen and poured some cheerios into a bowl, and covered it in milk, making them float like water doughnuts. He grabbed a spoon and started slurping the cereal into him whilst walking around his home. Nothing much was going on outside, he thought as he looked out of his window.

Now, let's try to get rid of some of these annoying buggers:

Silently standing in the middle of the rather simplistic abode, Will nodded to himself , and pondered over what to do next. A day off was a rare occurrence, indeed. Suddenly dumb-founded as to what he was going to do with the abundance of free time, he opted to go into the kitchen and pour himself a bowl of cheerios. While adding some milk to the mixture, he noticed the cheerios floating. "Heh... almost like water doughnuts." (Italics can be pretty useful for character thoughts) Grabbing a nearby spoon, he started slurping the cereal while taking a stroll around the house, stopping only for a moment to look out from one of the windows "Nothing much going on outside..."

I wouldn't say my example is necessarily better (somebody here can pull it off even better ), but it is cleaner this way.

My final tip to you is: Try to rearrange some of your sentences every once in a while, and you can pull off a damn miracle, mate :)

• 1 Thank you, you're brilliant, and I think you pulled it off quite well. I liked the twist with instead of describing the cheerios floating up, you simply write his thoughts about it. I'll definitely start leaning towards that kind of writing instead of what I previously used. Though, I saw you said I should avoid using "saw". Is there away to construct my story to not have to be put in those kind of situations, or could I just switch it out with another word. -Like observed, noticed, etc.? –  A. Kvåle Commented Mar 24, 2018 at 16:12
• 1 You're welcome. I'm glad you liked my advice. Regarding you're question about "saw" - you don't really have to avoid the examples I gave you at all costs. Like I said, it's impossible to write a good book without using them, at least a little. Using other synonymous words as a substitute like your examples - "observed", "noticed", for the word "saw" is also a good way to avoid too much repetition. In the end, all those words might have the same general meaning, but they are still different words, right? Vary and increase your writing vocabulary for maximum effect. –  Cindered Soul Commented Mar 26, 2018 at 8:24

Often you can eliminate "he saw" and "he thought" and "he knew" and "he remembered" by simply stating what he saw, thought, knew, and remembered.

Those words are examples of the filters DPT warned about.

In some cases, removing a filter word requires minor re-sequencing.

For example, from:

Nothing much was going on outside, he thought as he looked out of his window.

He looked out his window. Nothing much was going on outside.

If we're firmly in a character's viewpoint, we know who is thinking, seeing, remembering, and so on. So you don't have to tell us.

If you reduce these filter words, you also reduce the associated uses "he" and "Will."

If you focus for now on reducing only these filter words, you lose very little (if any) of your voice or your character's.

ETA: Chuck Palahniuk wrote a lovely article advising writers to eliminate thought verbs .

You've got filtering and wordiness plaguing you. "he asked himself" is a filter, generally recommended to be avoided. It puts a 'layer' between me being Will and me being the reader. (You want me to be Will. Don't remind me that I am not.)

A filter is any construction that breaks my sense of being the protagonist. "She listened to the music" <- If we're in her POV we don't need the jarring reminder of 'she listened." Instead say "The music was..."

You also have more words than you may need (in my opinion, as I aim for sparse.)

You ( five or six , and a filter ):

He asked himself dumb-founded as to what he was going to do with the abundance of time he suddenly had on his hands. It wasn’t often he had a day off, and now he did. Will walked into the kitchen and poured some cheerios into a bowl,

My quick edit (one, and no filter):

Unsure how to spend the abundance of time of a day off, he walked into the kitchen and poured some cheerios into a bowl,

• 1 I believe my wordiness is a part of my style, one that is alike many others. I think an abundance of adjectives and nouns in a sentence can make someone's language more colorful and/or playful, though it's important to alternate between lengthy sentences and short ones. If all the sentences are lengthy than the reader or at least I get very disorientated, and it isn't as colorful anymore. But, it is a matter of discussion, and I'm not claiming to be 100% correct, or 50% for that matter. @DPT –  A. Kvåle Commented Mar 19, 2018 at 22:03
• True, your version has a lot less "he" in it. Also, what does filtering mean. I'm far from an expert so I have no idea what it means :P –  A. Kvåle Commented Mar 19, 2018 at 22:06
• 2 @A.Kvåle - your "wordiness" may be a part of your style, does not necessarily mean it is a good style or a successful style. As a reader, I would not be able to finish an entire story written that way. It's juvenile in style and looks like you are looking to meet a word count. Sometimes less really is more –  user18397 Commented Mar 20, 2018 at 2:50
• I see what you mean. I gave researched the subject, and found out it's a common ESL mistake. I will aim for a shorter and more simplistic language in the future. But also, I believed my wordiness added some comical effect to the language and story, painting a funnier picture. Was there any truth in that? @Thomo –  A. Kvåle Commented Mar 20, 2018 at 9:41

You avoid pronouns by editing them out and restructuring your sentences.

Many of the dialogue tags, "he/she saids," can be completely omitted because they're redundant and unnecessary. Dialogue tags are used to identify who's speaking, but with only two characters involved in a conversation the speakers are already identifiable. The same rule applies to monologue tags like "he thought." If you italicize a character's internal thoughts the typeface already implies that it was a thought.

Your sentence structure is also repetitive and could be restructured to avoid pronouns. The "He did this as he did that" format invites repetition.

An important thing is to not overcorrect in the other direction with " said bookisms "

lists of verbs that can be used instead of "said", like "exclaimed", "emoted", "sighed", "rumbled", "hissed", "pontificated", "enquired", etc.

Often "said" and pronouns/character names become almost invisible, like punctuation.

You still want to improve your writing always for flow and pacing, but readers still NEED signposts, whether it's a comma, a pronoun, or a proper name, so just be careful not to overcorrect in the other direction.

Your Answer

Reminder: Answers generated by artificial intelligence tools are not allowed on Writing Stack Exchange. Learn more

Sign up or log in

Post as a guest.

Required, but never shown

By clicking “Post Your Answer”, you agree to our terms of service and acknowledge you have read our privacy policy .

Not the answer you're looking for? Browse other questions tagged creative-writing style technique narrative pronouns or ask your own question .

• Featured on Meta
• Preventing unauthorized automated access to the network
• User activation: Learnings and opportunities
• Join Stack Overflow’s CEO and me for the first Stack IRL Community Event in...

Hot Network Questions

• Does General Relativity predict Mercury's orbital precession without other planets?
• What effect will a planet’s narcotic atmosphere have on sound of music at rave parties?
• Could a civilisation develop spaceflight by artillery before developing orbit-capable rockets?
• Compile time (and run time) RFC 4648 compliant Base16 conversions as range adaptors in C++23
• Why does lottery write "in trust" on winner's cheque?
• How Does God Love?
• Which tool has been used to make this puzzle?
• Does AI use lots of water?
• Threshold percentage for power ratings of resistors?
• Generic C++ Class to Associate enum Values with Strings for Translation
• Why doesn't reductio ad absurdum mean everything follows?
• Is Wild Shape affected by Moonbeam?
• How safe is the runastool.exe, any known issues?
• "Some" depicted
• dd backup fails with "File too large" error despite ample free space on FAT32 partition
• Replacing "shall not", "shall be", "shall" etc. with "must" or other more imperative words
• Using earphones as a dipole antenna
• How does NASA calculate trajectory at planetary atmosphere entry
• Enter a personal identification number
• How uncommon/problematic is a passport whose validity period (period between issue and expiry) is a non-whole number of years?
• How can I have my paper reviewed?
• Derivation in "Step-by-Step... HHL" is unclear
• Explorifying `\latex2e` code
• What happens when I declare multiple register variables in C on older compilers?

Columns > Published on November 9th, 2012

8 Words to Seek and Destroy in Your Writing

Creating powerful prose requires killing off the words, phrases, and sentences that gum up your text. While a critical eye and good judgment are key in this process, some terms almost always get in the way. Here are eight words or phrases that should be hunted down in your story and deleted with extreme prejudice.

"Suddenly"

"Sudden" means quickly and without warning, but using the word "suddenly" both slows down the action and warns your reader. Do you know what's more effective for creating the sense of the sudden? Just saying what happens.

I pay attention to every motion, every movement, my eyes locked on them. Suddenly, The gun goes off.

When using "suddenly," you communicate through the narrator that the action seemed sudden. By jumping directly into the action, you allow the reader to experience that suddenness first hand. "Suddenly" also suffers from being nondescript, failing to communicate the nature of the action itself; providing no sensory experience or concrete fact to hold on to. Just … suddenly.

Feel free to employ "suddenly" in situations where the suddenness is not apparent in the action itself. For example, in "Suddenly, I don't hate you anymore," the "suddenly" substantially changes the way we think about the shift in emotional calibration.

"Then"

"Then" points vaguely to the existing timeline and says, "It was after that last thing I talked about." But the new action taking place in a subsequent sentence or sentence part implies that much already. You can almost always eliminate your then s without disrupting meaning or flow.

I woke up . Then I , brushed my teeth . Then I , combed my hair . Then I , and went to work.

"Then" should be used as a clarifying agent, to communicate that two seemingly concurrent actions are happening in sequence. For example, "I drove to the supermarket. Then I realized I didn't need to buy anything." Without the "then," it would be easy to mistake this as pre-existing knowledge or as a realization that happened during the drive itself. "Then" can occasionally be useful for sentence flow, but keep the use of the word to a minimum.

"In order to"

You almost never need the phrase "in order to" to express a point. The only situation where it's appropriate to use this phrase is when using "to" alone would create ambiguity or confusion.

I'm giving you the antidote in order to save you. 

And after ten minutes of brainstorming for an example of a proper time to use "in order to," I haven't been able to come up with anything. Legitimate uses of "in order to" are just that few and far between.

"Very" and "Really"

Words are self-contained descriptors, and saying, "Think of tasty. Now think of more tasty" doesn't help readers develop a better sense of the meal or person you're describing.

Her breath was  very cold   chill as ice against my neck .

Mark Twain suggested that writers could "substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very'; your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be." Another strategy is to find a more powerful version of the same idea or give concrete details. To say "It was very/really/damn hot" does little, but saying "It was scorching" helps. Even better?: "The air rippled like desert sky as my body crisped into a reddened, dried-out husk."

"Is"

Is, am, are, was, or were—whatever form your "is" takes, it's likely useless. When's the last time you and your friends just "was'd" for a while? Have you ever said, "Hey, guys, I can't—I'm busy am-ing"?

The "is" verbs are connecting terms that stand between your readers and the actual description. This is especially true when it comes to the "is" + "ing" verb pair. Any time you use "is," you're telling the reader that the subject is in a state of being. Using an "ing" verb tells the audience the verb is in process. By using " is verb ing ," you're telling your audience that the subject is in the state of being of being in the process of doing something.

Take this example:

I was sprinting   sprinted toward the doorway.

If the description is actually about a state of being—"they are  angry," "are evil," or "are dead"—then is it up. But don't gunk up your verbs with unnecessary is, am, or was-ing.

"Started"

Any action a person takes is started, continued, and finished. All three of these can be expressed by the root form of the verb. For example, "I jumped." The reader who stops in frustration, saying, "But when did the jump start? When did it finish?" has problems well beyond the scope of the content they're reading.

If you've been doing yoga for six years, you could reasonably say, "I started doing yoga six years ago." For you, yoga is an ongoing action with a concrete starting point. But when describing action in a story, there are few circumstances where "start" is effective.

Let's take this case and look at the potential fixes:

He started screaming.

Is it a single scream? Use "He screamed." Are you telling us his screams will be background noise for a while? Rather than clueing us in unnecessarily, show us the series of screams first-hand. Do you want to introduce a changed state, such as escalating from loud speaking into screaming? Show us the decibels, the gruffness of voice, the way the air feels to the person he's screaming at, and the hot dryness in the screamer's throat as his volume crescendos.

"That"

"That" is a useful word for adding clarity, but like Bibles on the bedstands of seedy motel rooms, the word's presence is often out of place.

When "that" is employed to add a description, you can almost always move the description to before the term and make a more powerful image.

Ireland was nothing but flowing green  hills that flowed green .

In many other cases, "that" can simply be dropped or replaced with a more descriptive term.

I was drunk the night that  your father and I met.

Many other uses of "that," such as "I wish I wasn't that ugly", can be enhanced with more descriptive language.

"Like"

I'm not just saying that, like, you shouldn't, like, talk like a valley girl (though that too). Here's the problem: "Like" is used to show uncertainty. And you. Should. Not. Be. Uncertain.

Be bold. When making a comparison, use force. Use metaphor over simile. Don't let yourself cop out by coming up with a halfway description.

My eyes rested on the gun for a sliver of a moment. I snapped forward, grabbed it, and it was like the chill metal flowed from the gun into my veins.

One of the 36 articles by the infamously fantastic Chuck Palahniuk dives into the issue of like in great detail. It's well worth checking out.

As always, Orwell's final rule applies: "Break any of these rules before saying anything barbarous." There are instances where each of these words fills a valuable role. However, especially among inexperienced writers, these words are frequently molested and almost always gum up the works.

Apply these lessons immediately and consistently to empower your words. Then, with practice, you will suddenly realize that you are starting to naturally trim the text in order to create prose that is very powerful.

Want to take your writing to the next level? Check out our slate of online workshops .

About the author

Rob is a writer and educator. He is intensely ADD, obsessive about his passions, and enjoys a good gin and tonic. Check out his website for multiple web fiction projects, author interviews, and various resources for writers.

Similar Columns

Explore other columns from across the blog.

Book Brawl: Geek Love vs. Water for Elephants

In Book Brawl, two books that are somehow related will get in the ring and fight it out for the coveted honor of being declared literary champion. Two books enter. One book leaves. This month,...

The 10 Best Sci-Fi Books That Should Be Box Office Blockbusters

It seems as if Hollywood is entirely bereft of fresh material. Next year, three different live-action Snow White films will be released in the States. Disney is still terrorizing audiences with t...

Books Without Borders: Life after Liquidation

Though many true book enthusiasts, particularly in the Northwest where locally owned retailers are more common than paperback novels with Fabio on the cover, would never have set foot in a mega-c...

From Silk Purses to Sows’ Ears

Photo via Freeimages.com Moviegoers whose taste in cinema consists entirely of keeping up with the Joneses, or if they’re confident in their ignorance, being the Joneses - the middlebrow, the ...

Cliche, the Literary Default

Original Photo by Gerhard Lipold As writers, we’re constantly told to avoid the cliché. MFA programs in particular indoctrinate an almost Pavlovian shock response against it; workshops in...

A Recap Of... The Wicked Universe

Out of Oz marks Gregory Maguire’s fourth and final book in the series beginning with his brilliant, beloved Wicked. Maguire’s Wicked universe is richly complex, politically contentious, and fille...

Try Reedsy's novel writing masterclass — 100% free

Sign up for a free video lesson and learn how to make readers care about your main character.

1 million authors trust the professionals on Reedsy. Come meet them.

Create your account and request free quotes.

Is MasterClass right for me?

Take this quiz to find out.

How to Avoid Unnecessary Filter Words in Your Writing

Written by MasterClass

Last updated: Sep 7, 2021 • 4 min read

Writing in the first-person point of view is a great way for first-time writers to enter into a character’s head, but many new writers tend to overuse so-called “filter words” when writing from this perspective. Whether you are writing your first short story or the sequel to a bestseller, removing filter words from your work can help bring your readers closer to your narrator and make your action pop off the page.

Get creative with full-sentence rewrites

Polish your papers with one click, avoid unintentional plagiarism.

• Academic Writing

3 Types of Words and Phrases to Avoid in Academic Writing

Published on July 2, 2024 by Hannah Skaggs . Revised on July 23, 2024.

What are the top words to avoid in academic writing? To communicate credibly, clearly, and concisely, replace words and phrases that are too casual, too ambiguous, or too verbose.

Unlike some other types of writing, academic writing comes with certain restrictions because it’s meant to accomplish specific goals. Academic writers aim to share information and make arguments in a way that other scholars will clearly understand.

Free Grammar Checker

Table of contents

Casual words to avoid in academic writing, imprecise words to avoid in academic writing, wordy phrases to avoid in academic writing.

We can’t write an essay, dissertation, or thesis the same way that we usually talk because the target audience of these papers isn’t our family and friends. It’s other students, instructors, and researchers, who are often strangers.

Slang and colloquialisms are always words to avoid in formal writing. Instead, use more formal choices, like the ones in the center column below. When you do that, your readers will see that you take your subject matter seriously, and then they will too.

If your goal is to be clear, you’ll want to avoid words that lack specificity, exclude or include items or people unintentionally, or are subjective rather than measurable.

The left column shows words to avoid in an essay or other academic text, and the suggestions in the center column can help you improve.

Connecting ideas is a key step in academic writing because doing so helps readers follow your reasoning. But it’s vital to do this by using genuine transition words and phrases , not by adding fluff.

Filling an academic paper with words that don’t add value is like pouring a glass of juice, then adding a lot of ice cubes and letting them melt before you drink it. The part that matters is diluted, which makes it hard to finish the drink.

Instead of using these phrases to avoid in academic writing, shown in the left column, try the replacements in the center column to make sure your text is strong. You may not think small changes like these make much of a difference, but they do—the examples with an add up to 43 words, while those with a add up to just 28. In a long paper, many small changes go a long way.

Careful word choices lead to exceptional academic writing. But you don’t have to figure them all out on your own—QuillBot is here to help.

Our Paraphraser offers you several writing tones to choose from, including a custom mode that’s great for academic writing. It also includes a setting that lets you adjust the number of synonyms you get in the results. Using the Paraphraser, you can evaluate multiple ways of saying the same thing and choose the one you prefer without paying a cent.

Is this article helpful?

Hannah Skaggs